This is a completely black world with a few grayish-white particles forming roads, buildings, and stairs... an extremely abstract world.
It is more like a high-dimensional space than a three-dimensional world.
The car vaporized into ashes the moment it entered. Only Yi Wan was safe and sound. He walked in this abstract world. Only when he stepped on it could he see the stairs made of particles. Then he went up all the way.
The scene made up of particles in the distance... is a countryside.
Is this the sea of consciousness belonging to a single "creator"? Yi Wan wondered, is our world born from here
No. A voice seemed to have read his consciousness and replied to him, "What made your world possible is no longer a single consciousness, but a collection of consciousnesses that want to create, "market", "capital", "aesthetics", "ugly feelings between people" and various other mixed consciousnesses... What appears here is just one of the consciousnesses that "we" have molded and can appear randomly as an average portrait-like image."
"He" can be "she" or any other "she". You can regard "she" as "Him" and have a conversation with "Him".
A small figure in a village, left behind, not expected... "Him" hugged his knees and sat on the ground, no one expected "Him" to speak. That was the beginning of all the loneliness that would give rise to fantasies, the desire to be heard, the need to be accompanied.
Inspiration is always born between pain, loneliness and dissatisfaction. It is the same for all consciousness. The voice said again.
Corresponding to this are the vehicles driving back to the village. Another child who is also a child, but because he is in middle school, he can live with his parents in the city, and only comes back during the summer vacation... How much "He" envies him, and how much he hates him.
elder brother.
This word flashed through Yi Wan's mind.
Did he do something? He said to the voice.
No, he didn't do anything. It can even be said that he did have good grades and was very kind to others, especially to "Him"... You know, for some well-known reasons, most of the time, "brothers" are always treated more favorably than "sisters". If the brother happens to have done nothing wrong, it will make people even more crazy.
But that's those people's fault, Yi Wan said.
But “Him” will feel that it is “Him’s” fault. He cannot openly say that he has suffered injustice, and will feel that he is quite despicable.
…
Yi Wan continued to walk up. The white particles surged like sea waves, and then merged into a mountain torrent... a mudslide... A small figure went up the mountain to find another small figure, and was submerged in the mudslide.
The other little figure didn't actually go up the mountain. It was a prank. "Him" just stood there blankly.
Particles began to float in the sky, a lot of them, like fragments of burning paper money. Yi Wan said: What is He thinking
The voice said: "He" had thought that it would be good if his brother died. But he actually died, just like a curse from "Him".
Intense fear and guilt can make people unable to sleep well and drive them crazy... Strong people will obsessively want to take on more responsibilities and become stronger to prove that they are not wrong... Or, they can reform themselves.
Pain and loneliness give birth to fantasies.
Then it was an average life... leaving home as I wished, going to a big city, challenges, pushing my children to study hard, not having the ability to take the college entrance examination to immigrate, my parents' disappointment, pressure...
You are not as good as your brother.
Or maybe.
"We had an aborted child before you. If it was him/her, he/she would have better grades and be more outstanding than you."
Or maybe.
'Because of you, we don't have any brothers or sisters... Is this how you repay us for our efforts?'
Everyone has heard these words, right
I can't even hate him... because I don't know who to hate, and because of my own "moral flaws", I can't justify my hatred. What kind of life did my "brother" miss because of the existence of "him"
Jealousy, avoidance, guilt.
Yi Wan suddenly understood.
The death of the "brother" in the village is actually a metaphor. "He" may not be the brother, or such an event... He may be someone who accidentally lost grandma's medicine, accidentally killed the chickens at home, accidentally stole things from the store, stole the money at home, accidentally "became a human", born as a human, not so good, not so beautiful, not a man, no superpowers, with birthmarks, not smart, not born in the non-progressive period of the mother's career... etc., things that make people feel that they are born with original sin.
That's it. Fantasy only occurs when there are regrets, pain, and a past that makes you feel guilty and not so bright.
“He” began to fantasize, imagining that there was a virtual image when he made mistakes. He would be a “brother”, so that “Him” would not have to bear so much pressure, a perfect person, a person that his parents expected, a mixture of his wishes, full of contradictions, within the system, with a gentle personality, which was what his parents needed, being a celebrity idol, which was what “Him” needed, and being very caring in life... Only this came from the real “brother”. “He” was a “brother” for a reason, “Him” hoped that “he” came from a more favorable gender identity, could break a lot of things, take care of others, and could more effectively isolate his own unhappiness... Unlike “Him” himself, who was already overwhelmed.
This is because... "Him" doesn't believe in Herself that much.
This is just the majority of portraits. The voice said that many times, we subconsciously long for someone from the outside world to save us. And in most fairy tales, we are told that person is a prince.
In fact, it is very wrong.
In addition, He also added a little selfishness. This person is bright, kind, able to save the world, and cares for everyone. He releases love, releases family affection, and releases fame, wealth, and recognition for others. What he can do adds all of His regrets about the world. Making regrets perfect is often the reason for the beginning of creation. Therefore, he loves to dedicate and sacrifice... He is the original intention and inspiration of His creation. There are also various shining bits and pieces.
In fact, the birth of the first story often stems from the obsessions and regrets that have been flashing in the gaps of life for many years. They have already met the creator long before they appeared on paper.
But is a state full of fantasy equal to a state full of escape? Is it a waste to want to write novels when one should be an "excellent student" needed by society
"So this is how Yu Rongshi appeared in the world. An out-of-date, outdated good man who has been searching for the beginning of his own manuscript... Just like he was created by the subconscious, I still wonder what he would do in this world. But I don't want to meet him anymore. Because he is useless. Because it is too difficult to think about his character motivations."
“And the dishes with stronger flavors are really delicious.”
Yi Wan walked to the end of the stairs.
The last particle image of the stairs is university, graduation, work and the vast sea of people... The imaginary hero fades due to the friction of real life, and even becomes a "black history" - because he does not meet the market demand. And the original intention gradually changes... The particle flow is getting more and more turbulent, and more and more voices are roaring in the particle flow.
Want to be seen.
Need to live.
… What will others think of me writing this
Take the safest path.
Heat, heat, heat, gimmick, gimmick, gimmick, routine!
This is what we like too!
It is very tiring to polish rough things, so why not take shortcuts? Only proven things are good things that are loved by the public.
And it's so tiring... We are so tired.
We're tired too. So let's see more good stuff to get us excited.
The goods are not what they claim to be, bah!
I'd rather read something shorter and quicker than long reads.
I am the only one... This is what I need...
Show me! Show me! Show me! I'm in so much pain, give me something quick, show me!
"Use tranquilizers to calm the excitement of the restless fanatics, use stimulants to awaken the enthusiasm of the numb and indifferent, and use hallucinogens to numb the nerves of the tragic and pitiful." Have you seen this sentence often said on the Internet? - This is our intake of entertainment works, we are taking drugs, we are, novels are, this is the ending.
(Note: The first half of the sentence is quoted from an answer on Zhihu. I didn’t find the original source, so it’s not my original work)
… and so on.
And the world created by them, in which Yi Wan lives.
Yi Wan finally reached the end of the stairs.
What do you hear? the voice asked him.
Vanity, vanity, hatred, anger, resentment, disgust
"Anxious and uneasy." Yi Wan said, "I long to be understood... I long for freedom, a sense of security, and I long to wake up."
Longing to be loved.
Every dirty sound that sounded like it was coming out of the mud.
The white particles formed a door. Inside and outside the door, countless eyes, some agitated, some numb, some tragic, finally merged into a vague human figure.
Yi Wan knew that he was right.
Is this finally coming? he thought.
He couldn't control the trembling of his fingers. He seemed to have finally reached a place no one had ever been before - a place he had been pursuing from the beginning to the end, a solution to everything. He had won, hadn't he? But at this moment... the moment after hearing those voices, he felt endlessly lost.
He saw the "Way of Heaven", and then what
Ask “Him” to let me go and give this world a way out
What kind of way to survive
No... One
. They meet their creators long before they appear on paper.
But is a state full of fantasy equal to a state full of escape? Is it a waste to want to write novels when one should be an "excellent student" needed by society
"So this is how Yu Rongshi appeared in the world. An out-of-date, outdated good man who has been searching for the beginning of his own manuscript... Just like he was created by the subconscious, I still wonder what he would do in this world. But I don't want to meet him anymore. Because he is useless. Because it is too difficult to think about his character motivations."
“And the dishes with stronger flavors are really delicious.”
Yi Wan walked to the end of the stairs.
The last particle image of the stairs is university, graduation, work and the vast sea of people... The imaginary hero fades due to the friction of real life, and even becomes a "black history" - because he does not meet the market demand. And the original intention gradually changes... The particle flow is getting more and more turbulent, and more and more voices are in the matter. It is not controlled by the silk thread, but a free and real life. Yi Wan wants to say this.
But in the end he said, "I want to live in the real world."
His only wish.
The ocean is silent, the electronics are silent, the consciousness is silent.
"… In order to get here, you threw away almost everything you could throw away." The voice said, like a leisurely sigh. Yi Wan felt that the voice was not hostile to him. "This is indeed amazing. But the real world?"
That feeling is coming.
Yi Wan realized that he was still being looked down upon—even though he had come here and surpassed everyone in the underworld.
Suddenly, a creepy laugh was heard in the empty world.
"Do you think labels only exist in the world of novels? Do you think there are no labels in the real world? Everyone is labeling, and everyone is in an information cocoon. People seem to have the right to choose, but in fact they don't. The media input determines their cognition. And their lives are like hamsters running in a wheel, with no end. The real world... It's said as if it is a good thing. The world in novels only has the 'Way of Heaven', but in the real world, there are even more cruel 'Ways' everywhere. Do you think that in that world, you can be free and get the truth, goodness and beauty you want?"
The voice sounded sarcastic at first, but it sounded desolate when listened carefully. Yi Wan stood there, looking at the concepts that ordinary people could not understand, and just said: "... But that is also the real world."
"What if it's not what you expected?"
"… I have no idea."
"You didn't know? Yet you came to me? And paid so much?"
"I don't know." Yi Wan said, "So, I need to go."
The voice fell silent. The roaring ocean also returned to silence. After a long time, it said indifferently: "Then let's make a bet, stranger."
"What bet?"
"You know what we see you as? A powerful, fragile, and incompetent insect." The voice said, "Since you are here, I will give you what you want - the real world you want."
Yi Wan didn't have time to say thank you. A white light came over him, and he saw himself falling, falling... until he lost consciousness.
At that moment he suddenly realized.
When he stabbed Yu Rong, he was almost rebellious.
The feelings of “them” cannot be described as absolutely goodwill.
It's complicated... There's some malice, some hatred, and...
The sound dissipated gently into the air.
"Yi Wan, let's see what you will do."