"Name?"
"Yi Wan."
"grade?"
"Just a senior year."
"major?"
"Pure numbers."
…
"Yi Wan, we have no intention of invading your privacy. It is the school's policy to disclose the content of the psychological counseling to your class teacher. The annual psychological assessment of college students and the corresponding psychological counseling assistance are also the school's regulations."
"Why do you know your comments in the school forum? Uh... Yi Wan, we are all here to help you better."
"You are young, have excellent grades, are the vitality of youth, and the future of the country. You young people of this generation must be too demanding of yourselves and think too much. I will teach you a life experience: just do good things and don't worry about the future."
…
Yi Wan walked out of the school's psychological counseling room. The "responsible" psychological teacher and class teacher jointly arranged a monthly psychological counseling session for him. Each session lasted for an hour, and they could chat about anything, which was helpful to Yi Wan's mental state.
September in X City is very hot, dry and hot, and Yi Wan's face is painful. He sat in the shade of a tree outside the psychological counseling room, hesitating whether to call Yu Rongshi - Yu Rongshi had graduated with a doctorate this summer and joined a high-tech enterprise. He had to go through graduation procedures and move to work during this period, which was very busy, but fortunately he and Yi Wan were still in the same city.
I pressed it once and hung up again.
When Yi Wan came back to his senses, he found that he was not hesitating, but was in a daze. Because he was not thinking about anything. The psychology teacher had come out of the office, carrying her Chanel CF, and walked under the shade of the trees on the other side. She was wearing a silk dress that would cost thousands of yuan even if she bought it overseas, and white shoes. The psychology teacher did not drive a BMW or Porsche to go home, because her home was only a ten-minute walk from the school, in the city center where every inch of land is valuable. The psychology teacher's family has three houses in the local area, and her husband works in a tobacco company, and the family has five houses. This is called a perfect match, a marriage where both parties are "working hard" and "equally matched".
Yi Wan's daze time became longer and more frequent. This time he walked slowly in the school alone. There were posters of various activities in the small square. Whether it was a drama or a debate, there was always a very eye-catching line of words "You Su Tuo" in the center of the poster. There were also students wearing Hanfu who were anxious to go to the evening water lantern festival. The freshmen still had innocent smiles on their faces, while the juniors and seniors had their eyes hidden for "choosing a mate". They also wanted to have a "equal" love like the psychology teacher.
The phone kept popping up with messages, and someone started to invite friends to participate in the American Mathematical Modeling Contest. Yi Wan often received such invitations during his freshman and freshman year. He had a high GPA and was in the mathematics department. Later, no one in the same grade sent an invitation to Yi Wan because he was a weirdo.
Weird doesn't participate in competitions, host, give lectures, collect Sudoku, or run for league secretary, so his comprehensive evaluation every year always hovers between barely getting a national award and not getting one. He was pulled into many clubs in his freshman year because of his excellent appearance, but in the end, the only club he managed to stay in was a half-dead Sudoku club. During the annual Hundred Regiments War, he was a silent background board in front of his desk.
He didn't even participate in the school's Outstanding Youth Program. He attended classes every time, but he didn't seem to listen carefully in class. Yi Wan always stared blankly at the "inherited" course PPT in class. It was 201x now. The corner of the PPT that was forgotten to be deleted was marked with the date 201x-y, y>10. He was flipping through the course textbook in his hand. It was first published 15 years ago and translated from an English textbook 30 years ago, with many omissions.
The lab manual is older than the textbook. It's like a lab building. They still do the same experiments that students did 12 years ago, so you can find standard lab report answers everywhere on the Internet. Yi Wan often gets low marks on lab reports because he answers every question and can only write five pages after answering all the questions. Yi Wan never understood how those students who can get A's can write a 25-page lab report based on a simple pendulum experiment.
But the experiment teacher praised them very much, saying that they were serious. Because this experiment is really simple, and there is really no innovation to be done, so being able to write 25 pages is particularly serious, and this is a spirit worth learning. Yi Wan couldn't understand why writing 25 pages of simple and useless things is worthy of praise. There are many large-scale projects and reports like this. Many students find similar things on the Internet, download them, copy the code, and sometimes forget to delete the original author's signature, and then add a few "machine learning" terms, so that they can win a first prize in a project exhibition and have a few more lines on their resume.
Many times these things have nothing to do with mathematics. The teachers called it interdisciplinary, and Yi Wan didn't know what he was learning.
Let's talk about resumes again. Many students in the mathematics department started sending out resumes in their freshman year, which shows that they think the courses they took in college are really useless. However, the direction they send their resumes to is often consulting companies, financial companies, and even advanced places such as autonomous driving and Ailab. Students in the mathematics department are proud that their classmates have found jobs in the three major consulting companies and are proud that their classmates can apply for a master's degree in computer science at Stanford. They say, "Our major is not much different from computer science/finance."
Many of them were admitted to the school by virtue of winning gold medals in math competitions. In the independent enrollment or strong foundation plan, they told the admissions officers: "I love math from the bottom of my heart."
It is love, isn't it? Actually, it is understandable. Everyone is under great pressure to survive, and the textbooks that are 20 years out of date in the first year of college do not make people feel that they can love mathematics. But even those students who have obtained top careers are anxious. Those who enter consulting companies are anxious about those who go to top foreign universities to study for a doctorate, and those who are studying for a doctorate are anxious about those who go to big companies to earn a million dollars a year. Just like getting 750 points in the college entrance examination is the best, they don't know whether they have achieved the best score in their current life.
They feel like they are a barrel. If one piece of wood is too short, all the water will leak out. Having no standard is the most terrible standard. They can only try to see what people around them are doing. The most terrible thing is that their peers suddenly make achievements in a field that they have not noticed before. So they rush to do it again, otherwise this will become an advantage that another group of people have over them - maybe one day, it will play a role and make them be screened out in a certain filter.
For example, club activities, mathematical modeling competitions, school youth league activities, scientific research, internships. So why do we do it? Just because others do it. That's it.
The feedback from big companies and top universities is the same. No matter at home or abroad, everyone's resume is getting better and better. This shows that their worries seem to be reasonable: if they are just a little bit short, they will be left behind by society and there will be no way back. The better they are, the more afraid they are of failure.
Sometimes it is true: you graduate, join a big company, earn 30,000 yuan a month, and think you are a successful person. You take out a loan of 5 million yuan to buy a house, with a monthly payment of 15,000 yuan. The house must be bought in a good school district, otherwise your children cannot go to a good elementary school. Later, you were laid off, and you worked overtime to avoid being laid off, and died suddenly. The loan was suspended, and your parents held your urn and the auction letter of the house. Sometimes life is really so fragile. Fortunately, Yi Wan's parents didn't want him anymore - this sounds a bit black humor. Only when he thought of his uncle and aunt, Yi Wan would feel a little guilty. His uncle and aunt had changed after he went to college. They seemed to think that Yi Wan, as an undergraduate, could call the shots in the admissions office of the best university, and he would definitely find a good way to send his cousin in - or at least introduce a good job to his cousin.
So Yi Wan got a good job.
Yi Wan only thought about this part. He didn't want to socialize, connect with people, or anything like that. Yi Wan never felt this part. Although he knew that this was also the source of anxiety for many people: University is a good platform, and connections will always be useful, so I have to know everyone, just in case they can be used in the future
The head teacher also talked to Yi Wan several times. She also cared about Yi Wan, and it was a genuine concern, but not about his academics. She said: "Leadership is very important for everyone. Especially, you are a student in such a good school. You can't always live in your own world."
What is leadership? Is it the ability to lead the subject forward? The head teacher then said: "You don't understand. Everywhere in society now needs all-rounders."
What you need to do is lead the society and guide it into the future.
An all-rounder who can be quantified and scored with full marks in all subjects.
The advice of the head teacher did work a little. Yi Wan was tired and sat down by the playground, staring blankly at the national defense students running. He remembered the advice of the head teacher before, so he chose a lot of math-related elective courses in the first semester. But it was not until the end that Yi Wan discovered one thing: the assessment that determines whether a professor can stay in the school does not include teaching indicators. There are even professors who spend three classes bragging about their life stories before starting to promote their laboratories in a persuasive tone.
But Yi Wan is still a junior. And his grades are very good. According to the school's 20% admission rate, Yi Wan can be admitted to graduate school. As for whether to pursue a master's degree, a master's degree or a doctorate, it is up to him. The school is now worried about the outflow of talent and encourages direct doctoral studies. Many professors are also happy to accept a high-IQ coolie who earns 2,000 yuan a month and can only leave the laboratory at 11 o'clock every night.
Some professors don’t have money and cannot afford to support PhD students.
Yi Wan's phone rang. It was a freshman girl who asked him if he would like to join her in the American Mathematical Modeling Contest. It seemed that the girl had not heard of Yi Wan's reputation as a weirdo and wanted to invite him to be the captain. Yi Wan replied, "Aren't you studying media?"
The school girl said: “Everyone is participating!”
Yi Wan asked: "Why are you looking for me?"
The junior said: "Senior, I am good at writing papers. Another senior is good at programming, and you are good at algorithms. We must win the O Prize."
o Award, the highest award. But why do media students have to participate in these competitions
Yi Wan refused. After refusing, he was in a daze again, thinking that he might really lack leadership. And at this time, Yi Wan remembered the reason why the head teacher insisted on arranging this series of psychological counseling for him.
His roommate jumped from the ninth floor of the library, fell from a high place, and was smashed to pieces. The school has an agreed "student suicide quota" every year, which cannot exceed x. His roommate is the xth one, so the deans are panicking and must not let x+1 happen.
The head teacher thinks Yi Wan is very likely to be the x+1.
In fact, Yi Wan probably knew the reason why his roommate jumped off the building. His roommate was deprived of the place for guaranteed admission to graduate school at his own school because of some "quality development". Later, he sought opportunities for guaranteed admission to graduate school at other schools. He just thought he had secured it, but the other party sent an email saying sorry that another student with 7 SCI papers surpassed him (probably a first-generation student) and that he could not get the place. He suddenly dropped from the first-tier school to the third-tier school with no backup. His roommate's family was not well off, and his parents were counting on him to buy a house for the family after graduation. He was so upset that he jumped off the building.
Actually, the teacher thought too much. Yi Wan's mental state is very calm. He is now accepted by a famous professor as a future doctoral student, and actually works for a small boss under the famous professor (a teacher in the same laboratory). The School of Mathematics is full of machine learning that is riding on the popularity of the times (and most of them are just adjusting parameters). Yi Wan wants to do pure mathematics, and only this laboratory is doing this. This is already very good for him.
And Daniel was very generous. He let Yi Wan get familiar with the environment as soon as possible. Yi Wan had been working in the lab since the second semester of his junior year, all the way to this summer vacation, and now. He looked through Daniel's publications, and Daniel really had something. A theory he mentioned ten years ago fascinated Yi Wan.
It was something that could be simply called "unified theory". It was very clean, that's what Yi Wan felt. When he first saw this concept, he was attracted by its simple and perfect beauty like a period. Although many people commented that it was just a math game, it was useless to prove it, and it was difficult to prove. But Yi Wan also liked it.
This may be the reason why Daniel gave up on it.
The big guy is a visiting professor at another school. He only communicates with Yi Wan through emails. Yi Wan knows that undergraduates have their own duties, and he wants to propose this work after he officially starts his doctoral studies. Moreover, with his current ability, he still can't understand this.
Scientific research should start from the basics.
Yi Wan squinted his eyes under the camphor tree, like a kitten basking in the sun. The world is so big, there is always a place for him to live. Until he received a WeChat message from the boss.
He rides his bike to the laboratory.
The laboratory of the School of Mathematics is certainly not as luxurious as that of other colleges. Moreover, it is for pure mathematics. The young boss seemed very kind this time, unlike usual. Yi Wan waited until he showed his true colors, and then the young boss said, "There is a high school student... the nephew of another teacher who wants to learn something. Take him with you on the project you are working on now. Let him do something simple and let him sign his name."
Fortunately, it’s not too bad.
The young boss said again, "Do you know Yi Wan?" Some time ago, Men xxx, yes, your college has won the national award and Tang Lixin scholarship for three consecutive years. He is also the host and the top ten figures on campus. He won the advertising competition and performed at the music festival. He sent an email saying that he also wants to study for a doctorate from our big boss. He is so determined that he even asked someone to talk about connections. I guess he heard that the big boss's evaluation of xx is about to be decided. In addition to the one from the other school, the big boss has only one quota left this year...
Yi Wan's breathing became rapid. The young boss said: I will help you push it.
The breathing became smooth again. The young boss said, "Okay, don't thank me. I did this because I saw that you behaved well and you really have talent." And it can be seen that the man's family is not short of money, and he doesn't have much thought about academics. He is planning to start a self-media for academic masters... Have you finished reading the English papers I asked you to read before
Yi Wan said, “I’ve finished reading it.”
At this moment, he really wanted to do something for the boss. He had won the opportunity to continue. Until the boss said, "Okay. Those papers are relatively new, you..."
Summarize the boss's main idea.
Translate, "quote", and cleverly "translate" them into Chinese and publish them in Chinese journals. The young boss did one, and Yi Wan did another. Yi Wan was stunned and said, "But..."
There is no but. Many people do this. The young boss said: "Why don't you run another case to prove it yourself?"
He also said that he had done the same thing with his previous articles. The boss really liked Yi Wan, so he gave him this opportunity. This is not really an unethical behavior in the academic world, and it is not like bragging about E. coli... In the end, he saw Yi Wan's hesitation and patiently gave him a few ideas for "revision" - this way, there is really no danger.
When Yi Wan left, she found that Senior Sister Shi was not in the lab. The doctoral student had a poor family and worked in the lab all year round, with unkempt hair and dirty face, just for a future and a teaching position...
And Sister Shi has a boyfriend. They have been dating since freshman year. She is the envy of others.
He said, "Where's the senior?"
The boss said that the senior sister and the senior brother broke up. The senior brother went out to work after completing two years of graduate school, while the senior sister is still in the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth year of doctoral studies... The senior brother said that the senior sister's efforts were directionless and stupid, and that her efforts were in vain. The senior sister's vision is still that of a country girl, trapped in the small space of the laboratory. But the world is already very broad, and he sees more and higher platforms. The senior sister will only hold us back. Even if she graduates, what's the use? The better ones only make more than 100,000 yuan a year. What use can she have in this city
But the senior was really good. During the six years of college, the senior had been using half of his living expenses to subsidize the senior. Wherever the senior went to work, he would go to work with her. Even though his family was not that poor. He also told the senior to study hard and not to think about working, and he would take care of everything.
The boss concluded that if two people are not equally good, they will not last long. The senior has changed jobs several times and become a junior supervisor in the four years since leaving school. The senior is not worthy of the senior. If they have different perspectives and perceptions, they will be abandoned, or at least separated.
The young boss said: I’m not saying that the senior is not good, but everyone has to grow up.
grow up.
Yi Wan left the lab building and walked to the lake. There were gusts of wind blowing through the pine trees by the lake, and the evening street lights flickered in the water, illuminating the couples on both sides. Some couples were whispering about their breakup, some were making plans for the Mid-Autumn Festival party, some were memorizing TOEFL words, and some were sad about the postgraduate entrance exam... Everyone had their own sadness.
He sat on the bench, thinking about the young boss's words. Yi Wan realized that the young boss was really doing this for his own good. If it were someone else, they wouldn't have the patience to say these things because of his hesitation. So the young boss was really good.
Because the boss is really good to him, so he is a lucky man. Because he is a lucky man, he is a sad one.
This feeling... is it sadness
"I saw a missed call, so I came here." Someone sat next to him, "In the past few years, you have been sitting here whenever you are unhappy. Sure enough, I found you as soon as I came here."
The voice is gentle.
"What happened?"
Yi Wan looked at him blankly.
Yu Rongshi was always several years older than him, always entered the next stage of life earlier than him, and never told him about his troubles...
But he just said, "I don't know... what my expression is, because I can't see it."
Just like the mood that he had matched when he identified Yu Rong's expression.
"Am I unhappy? But I'm lucky... very lucky." Yi Wan said, "Lucky people are not sad, right? So I'm not sad either."
He was gently embraced.
"It's sad." Yu Rongshi said.
Yi Wan breathed softly in his arms.
"You want me to accompany you." Yu Rongshi said.
—So you will stay with me until the end of the world
Yu Rongshi drove him. Yu Rongshi had already driven a Mercedes, but Yi Wan was still standing at the school gate like a teenager. His eyes were black and white, ignorant, clear and dazed, and out of tune with the world, as if everything would pass by him. He was like a child who grew up by the fire in a ranger's cabin in a forest covered with snow. Like the only clear pine tree in the blurred background.
He seemed to have always been so out of tune with the world and refused to change himself. He was genuine, cold, simple, and sad.
sad.
Yu Rongshi took him to the end of the stream they often walked when they were children. At the end of the stream was an abandoned industrial park. Close to the forest, there was a soft green lawn that poked its head out of the fragrant soil. There was no one around, not even one person within a ten-mile radius, only birds singing and the starry sky. Yu Rongshi took out a large piece of camping cloth from the trunk and spread it on the grass. He and Yi Wan lay together surrounded by the fragrant grass and looked at the stars.
The starry sky is simple and abstract. In a world without light pollution, the starry sky is black and white. Some stars are just born, as tender as children. Children grow up and become subgiants. Some burn brilliantly and are red giants. Some are already old and are collapsing into white dwarfs. Fortunately, the universe is not old enough, and these reactions are still happening. There is also Yu Rongshi telling him stories about the universe. Neanderthals have been destroyed. But tens of thousands of years later, there will still be people telling stories about stars and the universe.
Yu Rongshi likes to take Yi Wan to look at the stars.
Yi Wan was lying beside him, with her face turned sideways. There were small, fragile hairs on her cheeks, and her breath was moist. He smelled like lemon-flavored laundry detergent. He turned over and moved closer to him.
He took the initiative to hug Yu Rongshi, kiss him, and curl up like a porcelain spoon. This was the first time it happened, but it was as natural as it should have been. He curled up in Yu Rongshi's arms, like Peter Pan perched on his island, but his lips were not skilled enough to kiss him. Yu Rongshi responded, breathing softly, and asked him in his ear: "Can I?"
Can I kiss you? Can it become like that... relationship
It was so strange. They had never spoken of love, but it seemed as if they had naturally developed into an exclusive relationship. Yi Wan said yes with his actions. He extended his tongue a little, gently touched the other's teeth, and rubbed the other's cheek with his wet eyelashes.
So Yu Rongshi hugged him and kissed him back, drowning his breath like a gentle sea. The night made everyone's eyesight worse, and the tip of the nose was filled with the fragrance of grass. Yi Wan thought of the drama he had watched and sang softly.
Smile at me, smile, just like the first time we met.
Tell me, tell me, even if the oath changes tomorrow.
Enjoy me, now, life is so uncertain.
Remember me, someday, when you grow older.
(Lyrics quoted from "Oxygen")