Yu Rongshi said, "Does it hurt?"
Yu Rongshi said, "Go to sleep... I'll wash you when we get home."
Yu Rongshi said, "I'm sorry... I was too excited. Be gentler next time, don't be angry."
Yu Rongshi said, "When is the next time? Let's do it again after we go back tonight... Now, okay?"
Yu Rongshi said, "Don't cover it. I like to see my marks on you."
…
Yi Wan said: "Yu Rongshi... I want to drink some water."
Yi Wan said: "Yu Rongshi... you pressed my arm."
Yi Wan said: "Yu Rongshi... Is the air conditioner on? It's so hot. Are you going out this afternoon?"
Yi Wan said: "Yu Rongshi, give me the computer."
Yi Wan said: "Yu Rongshi... It's snowing outside the window."
…
Yu Rongshi said: "It's happened so many times. You're still as nervous as you were at the beginning."
Yu Rongshi said: "Don't be shy. I want to see you feel extremely comfortable because of me."
Time passed like this, year after year, in each voice. This year, Yi Wan curled up in Yu Rongshi's arms, because it was snowing outside the window again.
He sat up from the bed and put on a white down jacket. The window glass reflected his still handsome face. This was the third year after Yi Wan graduated with a doctorate, and he was still doing a postdoctoral fellowship—not a degree, but a career.
A job that doesn't pay very well.
But time has left little trace on his face. Perhaps fate always favors simple people. The only thing that can be called a change is that his appearance has become thinner, whiter, more like snowflakes, and his facial features are distinct because of the reduction of the baby fat.
This makes Yi Wan very popular in the eyes of some of her suitors who come from wealthy families. There are two key points to being popular. One is that they come from wealthy families and do not mind paying more for Yi Wan's "prospectless" career; the other is that this "popularity" often comes from the first encounter. At that time, they did not realize that simplicity, cleanliness, and purity in an intimate relationship can sometimes be as deadly as a single-molecule weapon.
But Yi Wan didn't need them. He already had company.
Yu Rongshi said, "The boss has invited you to his birthday party this week. Remember to go."
The young boss had been with Yi Wan for many years. Two years ago, he left academia and went to work for a financial company in the industry. In the past two years, he has made several oil futures transactions and made a lot of money. He has also served as a consultant for several more "promising" projects, such as student loans. The young boss said that this is a social situation where you have to maintain good relationships with other bigwigs under the roof. And he knew that this was a bad thing, so he didn't take a penny.
Yi Wan didn't know how much he could believe in this. But the young boss was really good to him. Some people said that he could have left four years ago, but he stayed for another year just for Yi Wan's graduation. Now he also remembered to invite Yi Wan to his birthday party.
Yi Wan said "hmm". Yu Rongshi said, "Also, Sister Shi's baby is one month old. She invited you to the full moon banquet."
After graduating with a Ph.D., Sister Shi went to work as a teacher at a second-tier university. After much hard work, she managed to get a job as a regular employee. She finally made it through, and married a professor at the same university and had a child. Yi Wan was happy for her.
"Your father," Yu Rongshi said, "he sent a message saying that he is sixty years old this year. Today is the winter solstice. If you are free... go to his house for a meal. His things are meant to be left to you after all."
In recent years, my father's relationship with Yi Wan has changed.
Yi Wan's father underwent a gastric surgery that was misdiagnosed as gastric cancer. During the process, he saw the unreliability of second marriage through his own coldness, and divorced Aunt Liang, who was thinking about leaving more money for his daughter to buy a house. After divorcing Aunt Liang, he still couldn't stand the loneliness, so he carefully selected Aunt Lu, who was infertile and childless.
At the same time, out of fear that he would be old and sick and no one would take care of him, and realizing that Yi Wan was his only "blood", he began to strengthen the connection between himself and Yi Wan.
Yi Wan refused many times. But this winter solstice, Aunt Lu also came to see him—and she was downstairs in the college building. This woman had a kind of naivety that made her feel sorry for herself. She advised Yi Wan that there was no way a father and son could have a grudge overnight.
But she didn't realize that Yi Wan's father only treated her as a tool.
Yi Wan looked at Yu Rongshi. Yu Rongshi smiled bitterly and said, "I won't go... I will pick you up."
How could Yi Wan's father accept that "his son" was a homosexual
Yi Wan said: "Okay... I just don't want Aunt Lu to come to school to find me again."
Yu Rongshi always saves the worst news for last. Yi Wan hates news about his father, but this time, he didn't say "this is the worst" when he talked about this news. Yi Wan asked him, "What else?"
He put on an avocado green mohair scarf and was ready to go out. Yu Rongshi told him the last piece of news.
"The publishing house finally said... they decided to withdraw their decision to publish your work," Yu Rongshi said. "They said it was difficult to get a book number. I'm very sorry."
Yi Wan didn't move. He looked at Yu Rong with his black and white eyes: "They said they would publish it."
And I said that for a whole year.
Yu Rongshi said, "Yes. But you know, they don't get any profit."
Yi Wan said: "They said they would publish it."
Yu Rongshi said, "Yes. But you know, the real economy is in a downturn. And it's hard to get a book number, so we can't waste it."
Yi Wan said: "Okay, I understand."
Yu Rongshi said, "Xiao Li said that she will come to the school to see you at noon and have lunch together. She works for the publishing house and also wants to explain something to you."
Xiao Li is Yi Wan's junior who studies media. After graduating from university, she joined this publishing house. At first, she often cried because of the pressure, until she learned to put pressure on others. Yi Wan helped her a lot during her competitions, and later on. So this publishing house was also an opportunity she helped him get in touch with.
What Yi Wan wanted to publish was the proof of several sub-theorems in the “reduction theorem”. This was the one that had haunted him since college. He started working on this when he was a doctoral student and almost didn’t graduate. He published related articles in some journals, but it was a bit difficult because there were always more practical articles. The reviewers’ evaluation was that the proof was beautiful, but there was no clear role for existing disciplines or even future science.
There are still several modules in the "normalization theorem" that have not been proved in detail. To complete it, Yi Wan needs some experiments. But so far, there are no technical conditions for conducting these experiments.
"Give me a kiss." Yu Rongshi said.
Yi Wan stood at the door without moving. He waited for Yu Rongshi to come over and kiss his forehead.
Yu Rongshi kissed his forehead, then buried herself in Yi Wan's scarf and kissed his neck. The skin on Yi Wan's neck was very sensitive, and he quickly sensed the purpose of the other party's endurance. Yi Wan took a step back, leaned against the wall and said, "Do you want to... have sex tonight?"
Yu Rongshi calmed his breath and said, "Your father's house is in the east. It will be 11 o'clock in the evening when you come back and wash up. Have a good rest today."
Yu Rongshi always had a strange habit: to guard Yi Wan's sleep schedule before 12 o'clock. If there was no time, he would not do it even if he wanted to. Most of the time, they would be together on Saturdays and Sundays, staying together all day.
He kissed Yi Wan again: "Come back soon. No matter what happens, I will always believe in you and stay by your side."
Because you are unique. If there are any setbacks, it is just a long and difficult journey.
Wait till the clouds clear and the moon appears.
Unlike Yi Wan, Yu Rongshi has achieved a lot of success in business... I guess. Yu Rongshi has always been more worldly. He already looks like a mature elite man.
Yi Wan walked out of his apartment into the cold winter wind of City X. It was more than ten degrees below zero, and it was freezing cold. He walked towards the college building.
There was another piece of news that he hadn't shown Yu Rongshi. It was from the psychiatrist, urging him to come for a follow-up checkup.
Suddenly, Yi Wan bumped into someone. Before he could apologize, he found himself in the college building. He stood there for a few minutes and found that the time from walking out of the apartment building to walking into the college building seemed to have been stolen.
He couldn't recall this memory at all.
The heating in the college building was sufficient, but Yi Wan shivered.
Such frequent memory gaps were the reason why Yi Wan went to see a psychiatrist. In addition, the psychiatrist also suspected that Yi Wan had depression tendencies.
She had prescribed some medicine for Yi Wan, but Yi Wan didn't take it. Most of these medicines would make him sleepy and slow, preventing him from thinking about math problems.
Yi Wan didn't have much to do this morning. As a postdoctoral fellow, he helped a graduate student in the lab revise his thesis. The graduate student was a man, his family was rich and powerful, and he liked Yi Wan. It was like a leopard longing for a beautiful woman. But everyone knew that Yi Wan had a lover. Although Yi Wan was very low-key and never brought him here.
But the graduate student didn't care. Stealing boyfriends is too common these days, especially for a wealthy family like his. He would steal her if he wanted. Today, he tried to get close to Yi Wan and said, "The boss saw my paper a few days ago and said it was really well written. I told him that you helped me revise a lot of those papers."
Yi Wan didn't say anything. This attitude always made the graduate students more courageous. Until someone came to him and said, "The boss wants you to come over."
It was rare for the big boss to come to the office. In the past few years, the big boss had gained both fame and fortune, and had reached the age of enjoying his grandchildren. In the laboratory, he was just a figurehead most of the time. He came to find Yi Wan, which meant that Yi Wan did have something he needed or liked.
Yi Wan entered the office and sat opposite the big boss. The big boss was kind to Yi Wan. He said, "Yi Wan..."
That strange blank feeling came back.
When Yi Wan came to his senses, he heard the boss say, "You have spent all your time on 'reducing the theorem' in the past eight years. This spirit deserves recognition."
"The proof of the theorem... With current technology... there are no experimental conditions..."
Yi Wan felt like his throat was choked.
"I can find a way to prove it."
“The amount of calculation is too large... existing computers... cannot do it... even if the computing power is expanded millions of times, it is still a fantasy.”
“I can improve the algorithm.”
"This is something that has never been done before. The amount of computation required in this process... Are you going to spend decades on this? You won't be able to complete it until you die. Maybe hundreds of years later, computing power will explode like the Cambrian, and another genius will happen to be interested in your game, so he will continue your proof and spend his lifetime to complete it... And even if he proves it, it's just a game like building blocks. It's useless."
"… "
“… I just feel sad to see a genius wasting time like this, obsessed with math.” The big boss finally said, “Yi Wan, with your talent, you should do more meaningful research, which will be more valuable for your life. When you reach my age, you will understand that human life is very limited. Time cannot be wasted for decades.”
"Of course, I'm not asking you to do machine learning or cheat people out of their money. I just want you to know that there are many breakthrough ideas. Don't get stuck in useless ruts."
But why are those useful
"Everyone says that mathematics is a subject that relies on genius. Gauss, Descartes, and... they all became famous when they were young. Some were even only 18 years old. Mathematics is the only subject that requires genius, and it is difficult to make up for it even with tons of effort. Those who chase after the light will realize their shallowness in the process of looking up at the brains of geniuses and will be discouraged. So, for you, I want to say... cherish your time."
"Think about it more positively, Yi Wan. You will understand it when you are older. And at least you have already published several articles based on it. What I want to talk to you about now is a project that I have completed halfway. I am most optimistic about you in the lab, and I want to hand it over to you."
"Of course, you'll be so busy that you won't have any time to build your blocks..."
Yi Wan walked out of the laboratory building.
He heard clearly that his boss would no longer support the research he wanted to do. But he was sincere and showed him another way forward.
—It is precisely because I am surrounded by good people and I cannot do the same. That is why I am so sad.
His memory went blank again. When he regained consciousness, Yi Wan was already at the dining table. Li Xuemei was looking at him.
Li Xuemei invited him to the best restaurant near the school. Bird's nest, shark fin, lobster... Yi Wan had no appetite.
The school girl is a person who has a good balance between dreams and reality. When she creates content, she also compromises a little to make money. When she first joined the company, she cried loudly because of the comments on the Internet. She even had suicidal tendencies and went to see a psychologist. Last year, she once again became idealistic and accepted Yi Wan's manuscript on mathematical theorems. At the same time, she recommended a psychologist to Yi Wan.
The psychiatrist was also Yi Wan's junior. Yi Wan had helped him write several models, which earned the junior a lot of money. The junior remembered Yi Wan's kindness very much, so he often urged Yi Wan to come to see the doctor.
Xuemei Li’s mouth opened and closed like a dead fish.
"You have ideals and are unique, so society is less tolerant of you. That means you are destined to have a worse life than others. You are all students from top universities, and everyone has the rationality to know this. But you will think, why is it like this, everyone else scores over 600 or 700. Why can he be like that, and you are like this?"
"Some people say that they should first follow the trend and accumulate energy for a few years before pursuing their dreams. Most people say this. Only a small number of people actually do it later."
Yi Wan couldn't remember what he had said before. He opened his mouth dryly and asked the question he wanted to ask: "Is it really impossible to get a publishing license?"
The schoolmate said: "Maybe there are still some ways overseas. Package you as an 'imported product'. But you know the academic world, it's the same both at home and abroad... And you don't even have a reputation overseas, right?"
All the time that could be spent on building a reputation is spent on calculations.
And imported goods.
goods.
… Yi Wan didn’t remember the discussion clearly. He remembered that his schoolmate invited him to her studio to do interviews and create an image of an up master to earn extra money. Don’t worry about the manuscript, the studio will write it.
My schoolmate said: "There are still many fantasies about you scholars in society." And it can also supplement the family income. To open up a path abroad, you need money.
How to find this money
"Oh, right. Yang Huan told you to go for a follow-up visit soon." The schoolgirl said worriedly, "He said you haven't been there for a month. And you just..."
She said, "Did you black out again?"
Yi Wan wondered, was the blackout caused by winter? The snow in winter was indeed more like the blank space when blackouts occurred.
The next time his memory was blacked out was at Yi Wan's father's house. When Yi Wan regained consciousness, his father had already quarreled with him. He accused Yi Wan of being unfilial and not arranging a job for his cousin, which caused his aunt to complain about him. What a high degree, but he is not doing well. He also blamed Yi Wan's work and accused Yi Wan of telling him that he was short of money. He wanted to get money from him, and when asked what he wanted to do, he said some vague and useless things. He couldn't build airplanes or play finance. It was okay for Yi Wan to buy a house with the money. But his name had to be added, and could Yi Wan afford the mortgage? Who would give him the loan
Yi Wan was about to leave. His father added, "Your cousin will come to X City on a business trip next month. I'll tell him to stay at your apartment to save money."
Yi Wan said, "There's no room."
At this time, my father exploded and said the third story: Yi Wan is so old, but he still doesn't have a girlfriend, and he keeps talking about finding a man to date. There are three kinds of unfilial behavior, and the worst is to have no descendants.
"Do you think it's a big deal to have studied? Let me tell you, to the society, you are a waste!" the father shouted.
It was past nine o'clock. Yi Wan didn't want to go home. He sat on a bench, snow was falling from the sky, and people walked by with laughter. He thought about his theory, his boss, his father... Finally he went to the library.
It was not the library he went to when he was a child. That library finally closed down and became a thing of the past. Later, Yi Wan met the old lady again. The old lady still remembered him and kept talking to him about how lonely Yi Wan was and how distressed she was.
Yi Wan wanted to say that it was okay. He had Digital and Yu Rongshi to accompany him.
Yi Wan went to the school library. He had a corner in the library, lingering there like a spider weaving a web. He didn't want to go back to the laboratory today, and wanted to continue his calculations in this quiet corner. The boss' earnest words made him feel guilty for doing "private work" in the laboratory.
He turned on his computer and some scratch paper and started working. But then the most horrible thing happened.
At twelve o'clock, the closing music started.
He slowly lowered his head to look at the draft paper. There were scribbles on it that he couldn't understand. At that moment, the thing that Yi Wan feared the most finally happened in his life - he also had a blank in the most important thing for him, the pursuit of truth.
He could no longer pursue the academic pursuits he wanted to pursue.
This was the only thing that frightened him the most.
He came out of the library and headed home. Others were busy and lively, but he was alone. The emptiness came again, and he stood at the door of the apartment, his scarf still frozen. Yu Rongshi carried him to the sofa and asked him what was wrong.
What's wrong.
Anxious and concerned.
The ice on the scarf melted, and the cold water dripped down, entering the wet neck, just like the deep sea. Yi Wan huddled himself in Yu Rongshi's arms, and the warm body temperature of his lover seemed to be the only thing that could give him a sense of security. He did not drink Yu Rongshi's cola and ginger soup, because he did not want to leave his arms for a moment.
If only there was something that could fill his brain. If there was anything that could give him a sense of eternal security, it could only be Yu Rongshi.
He is the driftwood, he is the island, he is the crashed whale. He says, "Do it."
"It's past twelve."
"I said do it."
He took the initiative to bite open his collar, to hug and caress him, as if he had never done it before. Active, very active, on the sofa, his fingers moved his lips, his eyelashes, his neck and legs. So active that it didn't seem like they were in love, but like he was drowning in love. Yu Rongshi was very resistant at first, he thought there was something wrong with Yi Wan's emotions. But Yi Wan was too persistent, and when Yu Rongshi didn't move, he looked at him with his eyes, and kept looking at him, as if there was pure despair in his eyes. Later, his response was even more enthusiastic than Yi Wan's. Yi Wan could tell from his eyes and movements that Yu Rongshi understood Yi Wan's expression at the moment.
Yi Wan was saying: I want you, I especially want you, hold me, wrap me, possess me, and then, don’t leave.
Later, Yi Wan began to cry. He kept crying and crying. Tears fell on his legs and on the other person's body. He couldn't tell why he was crying, just like he had cried a long time ago. Yu Rongshi always had a little habit of liking to see Yi Wan cry sometimes\/Good, this means Yi Wan is really feeling him. Seeing a clean and indifferent person shed all kinds of tears for you from all over the place always makes people very satisfied with the desire to control and conquer.
But this time he panicked, and he kept wiping his tears. Yi Wan shook his head and said:
"I want to take a leave of absence from work this week."