When I observe Xiaomo's current appearance, it should be a little depressed, and it is affirmed that he feels aggrieved, but it is really not in the category of mental illness. However, if the problem cannot be resolved in time and her mentality adjusted, it is not impossible to get sick.
If I were to simply focus on her psychological problems and give her a psychological relief treatment, it would be simple. The key is that it does not solve the problem.
In fact, emotional counseling is also an important work content of psychological counselors. I have already said at the beginning that the so-called psychologist is the collective term for psychologists and psychologists. In other words, I am a psychologist and a psychotherapist.
Therefore, doing emotional counseling for Xiaomo is also my scope of work. Now that her husband is not there, I'm afraid she won't be able to find him either. I can only consult Xiaomo for her problems.
The problem between her and her husband is actually the "seven-year itch" at the core. Many couples or couples have problems after being together for seven years. This argument originated from the West, and it is also a conclusive law of social emotional marriage.
The so-called "seven-year itch" is not all seven years. It is only about this stage in time. The originally romantic love between two people has gradually transformed into family affection; the original fresh taste of life is gradually becoming It tends to be dull; at the same time, both people have aesthetic fatigue, which is at this stage, the most prone to various problems. Such as quarrels, cheating, cold war, divorce and so on.
But there is always a reason for everything, and the reason for the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife cannot be entirely attributed to the law of the seven-year itch. After all, there are a lot of couples who have successfully passed through 7 years before they grow old!
Therefore, the root is still in Xiaomo and his wife. Judging from what Xiaomo just said, everyone might think that her husband seems to be a contemporary Chen Shimei, but I don't quite think so.
As the saying goes, "One slap can't make a sound." It is impossible for her husband to be responsible for both husband and wife making trouble in the field today.
When Xiaomo talked about it, he would definitely avoid the important and the slight, and consciously or unconsciously concealed or understated things that were "unfavorable" to her. Therefore, the process of her talk makes people feel that her husband is not a thing, but it may not be the case.
Thinking of this, I started asking questions again.
"Xiaomo, do you think there is anything you haven't done well in this relationship?" I asked first. In fact, I just want her to find her own reasons first.
"I..." Xiaomo thought for a while, "maybe sometimes I have a bad temper, he always spoils me... But which girl is not spoiled like this!"
Obviously, she didn't think she had any problems, she just said such a thing in a painless way.
"Not every girl is spoiled by her boyfriend! Boys dote on girls because of love, not because they should be divided!" I immediately refuted her. I understand that Xiaomo is a very unreasonable person, and I must unswervingly express my views, otherwise it is easy to turn emotional consultation into a contest of debate.
"Everything I've seen is like this!" Sure enough, Xiaomo didn't admit defeat at all, and immediately refuted me.
"You have seen men treat women well, but do you know how women treat men well behind others?" I stared into Xiaomo's eyes and couldn't allow her to refute, "You only see how other men dote on themselves. Girlfriend, how do you get used to your girlfriend? Do you know how your girlfriend treats her boyfriend? That also needs to be paid for!"
"I also paid!" Xiaomo was still confident.
"I know you paid! You gave your youth, time, energy and feelings, even money, right?" I asked again. This is actually a kind of speaking skill, called the non-selective problem. In other words, I have already given the answer to the question, and she has no way of refuting it, but can only approve it.
"Yes..." Xiaomo replied hesitantly.
"Yeah! But when you have heard of a woman dealing with someone, you don't have to pay this!" I said in a rhetorical tone, adding a double negative sentence, in fact, to blow her arrogance.
"This..." Xiaomo couldn't answer. She wanted to continue to refute, but she didn't know how to say it.
So, I struck the iron while it was hot, continued my language offensive, still staring at her eyes, and said: "This is one of the problems you girls are most likely to commit. I think that if you give this, men should treat you well, but you think I want to see, anyone who doesn’t pay for this after falling in love or getting married? Isn’t it all the same?”
"Um..." Xiaomo didn't want to refute me this time, as if he was digesting and understanding my words.
"You can give this to him, and other women can also give it to him. These are not rare objects that can be put in a museum, they are very common!" I continued.
"The most common mistake you girls make is that they always feel that they are the most special. I am willing to give you all of this. You should treat me like a baby, being used to you, spoiling you, and even having to tolerate Your unreasonable harassment, all of this is what it should be! Isn't it?" I'm a long story again, but Xiaomo is not trying to resist now, but is thinking seriously.
At this point, I stopped for a while and didn't continue to say, the purpose was to let her digest what I said.
"Um... yes..." Although Xiaomo looked a little reluctant, he still admitted that what I said made sense.
"So, I think it is your attitude that feels that everything is right, but ignores his feelings, which leads to some dissatisfaction in his heart!" I concluded with a sentence, even if it is the first question It's clear.
"But, why didn't he say it earlier if he was dissatisfied!" Xiaomo asked me puzzled.
"This is the second question!" I straightened up and looked at her eyes firmly again.
"Boyfriend or husband, what does it have to do with you? Tell me about your understanding?" I asked another question.
"Of course it is the most intimate relationship! A relationship that is so close that there is no secret!" I was not surprised at the answer Xiaomo gave, because many women think so. But I can say that it is wrong to think so!
The relationship between husband and wife seems to be the most intimate, but in fact it is not. Are the two people related by blood? No. Two people are together based on two points: sex and love.
But these two things are unreliable. If you are delusional to rely on these two things to maintain the relationship between two people like relatives, it is not very reliable.
Many girls hope that their boyfriends or husbands can tolerate all their faults, tolerate all the mistakes they make, and even be able to act coquettishly at any time, be upset at any time, and men must not hold grudges, and will always be used to her and spoil her.
In fact, I can tell you that the only person in this world who can treat you this way is probably only your father, and no other men can. Maybe some brothers can, but not all of them.
In other words, only blood relationship can really do it, no grudges, full tolerance! But my husband can't do it at all.
Like the question Xiaomo asked just now, why is there dissatisfaction? Her husband did not say earlier, but this is actually the case.
Men are men after all. They are minded, like some small and lax things, they will tolerate, endure, and will not hold grudges. But some things that touched his bottom line, he won't forget it!
However, men sometimes, in order not to cause conflicts, do not want to quarrel, this kind of dissatisfaction, they may not speak out. Afterwards, if the problem is not resolved, this kind of dissatisfaction will be buried in the heart like a seed.
The girls foolishly thought that their men had forgiven and tolerated themselves, and would not pay attention to them in the future. They would continue to do such things, and they would limit their patience and endurance. Dissatisfaction continues to accumulate until one day, it will all erupt like a volcanic eruption!
At this time, the girls will find that their husband has changed, become unfamiliar, and is no longer as "good" to her as before, but they don't realize that this kind of goodness is a kind of spiritual negative for men. tired.
I guess that this is the situation between Xiaomo and her husband, plus some of my understanding of her, I am even more sure that it is for this reason that they are where they are today. (End of this chapter)