The city of Luoyang is still bustling.
Zhang Xiaolei suddenly felt that he didn't like the excitement very much.
When he first came earlier, he still felt that Luoyang was extraordinary.
Can wait a long time.
He just felt noisy.
As soon as the night butcher came back, he ate and drank around.
Only Zhang Xiaolei sat in the guest room, lost alone.
He is confused by a lot of things.
How to deal with Lianhe.
Lian He escaped, how can I find it
I found it, what should I do
How should he go the next way
Over the years, the will to revenge has allowed him to gradually have a goal in life.
But when the revenge is over, what will his life be like
In this life that is long but not long, and short but short but short-lived, how will he spend it
It's interesting to talk about it, but what's the point
The most romantic thing in life is wandering.
But who is willing to wander about
In this world where no margin can be found, in this world where there is no end in sight.
What kind of place would he choose to live in the vast and innumerable land
Zhang Xiaolei suddenly felt that where a person lives, he will have a different life.
Even if it's two houses in a city, a street, or an alley.
It is possible to face a different life.
There is no end to the world.
Put a seed in it and wait for it to germinate. No one knows what it will grow out.
Even if he chooses a place, in what way should he spend his life
The world is big.
There are countless places alive.
There are countless ways to live.
Which is good
Which is bad
Woodworking.
Farming.
grazing.
Doing business.
reading.
Every time you choose a lifestyle, you have to face a completely different scenario.
Every time you choose a lifestyle, you have to face a completely different life.
What should he do
What does he want to do
Zhang Xiaolei thought that what he should do is go back to Shao Xiaoling, help her with peace of mind, and live with her.
This is what he thought.
But how should he spend his life with Shao Xiaoling
Is this really his best choice
Ye Butcher suddenly opened the door and came in.
With his mouth full of oil, he shouted to Zhang Xiaolei: "Mr. Zhang, don't you want to go down and eat something?"
"I'm thinking about something."
"What do you think?"
Zhang Xiaolei hesitated for a while, he felt that if he had some brains, he shouldn't discuss with Ye Butcher.
But he was so flustered, he just wanted to find someone to talk about.
He asked: "How do you think people are alive?"
"Then you need to talk..." Ye Butcher said without hesitation, "Drink from a big bowl and eat meat."
Zhang Xiaolei pondered for a while, he felt that this questioning method was inappropriate.
He asked again, "May I change my question?"
"Then you ask."
"When you drink, what kind of person do you want to drink with you? When you eat meat, what kind of person do you want to cook for you? How should it taste? How should it be salty? How should things go? What is best when you enjoy it all?"
Ye Butcher was silent for a while, and he scratched the back of his head and said: "Then how do I know that I was once fortunate to drink and eat meat by a waterfall. I thought it was the beauty of the world, but no one could share it with me. I once happily shared with a friend He was drunk for three days, but he was squeezed in his moldy ruined house."
Zhang Xiaolei nodded and said, "What's next? Have you thought about what to do?"
"I thought about taking him to that place and getting drunk with him under the beautiful scenery." Ye Butcher replied.
"But sooner or later you will finish talking, but sooner or later the beautiful scenery will get bored. When you find out that everything you talk about, eat, drink, watch... all become so tasteless, where should you go next?"
"I don't know..." Ye Butcher whispered, "Since you still don't want to eat, then I will go down first."
"Go ahead."
Ye Butcher closed the door, leaving Zhang Xiaolei alone in this guest room with the door and windows closed.
He gradually felt a little bit cold, sitting in his arms and shrank himself into a ball.
"I am an incomplete person..."
He suddenly thought so.
As far as I can remember, there is only hatred in his heart.
He still remembered that he was at a loss at the beginning, whether he was dead or lingering.
He couldn't find the answer.
What supported him to live was the hatred and the grievance he wanted to see his parents crying.
Daddy and mother saw it.
I couldn't cry out because of my grievances.
He doesn't want to cry.
He felt it was useless to cry.
When the things that have supported him along the way are over, how can he continue to walk
He gradually wanted to cry.
"I like Xiaoling, I love Xiaoling..." He bit his finger, and kept muttering in his mouth, "I want to stay together with her, I want to watch the sunrise and sunset with her."
He kept talking to himself, telling himself that you are having a good time and you don't cry.
But in his mind, there were other voices.
"You wanted to follow Li Fengwu, but he still left you."
"For the rest of your life, can you really stay with her forever?"
"When illness takes away someone's life, when boredom replaces the affection between you, you will be the lonely person again."
"Shao Xiaoling is the head of the Shao family. Whether you are there or not, she has the Shao family to accompany you."
"But you trust her for the rest of your life. If she leaves like Li Fengwu, what is the difference between you and living in the dark?"
He bit his finger and couldn't help crying.
The fingers gradually bitten and bleeding came, and he whimpered and gasped: "Li Fengwu... Why did you treat me like that? I treat you as a benefactor, and I treat you as a teacher... You took me out of the abyss and pushed me down with your own hands. cliff."
For more than ten years.
He wants to live freely.
When he was truly free to live, he found out...
In a person's entire life, just thinking about how to live will consume all of his life's strength.
He suddenly thought: "If one day, Xiaoling doesn't love me..."
A bitter cold rushed from his whole body.
He can't imagine that day.
He can't imagine the whole world, the day when there is no one to accompany him.
He will go back to the past...
He didn't want to go back to the past.
He buried his head between his knees, and the silk was soaked with tears.
Until the evening, Ye Butcher suddenly opened the door and shouted with Zhang Xiaolei: "Mr. Zhang, don't you eat? It's been a day."
"I don't know why, I just don't want to eat..." Zhang Xiaolei said, "I want to rest."
"What are you thinking?"
"I was suddenly uncomfortable, and a sorrow surrounded me. I don't know what to say... I am ashamed to say it, I feel very painful."
Ye Butcher was taken aback for a moment, and then impatiently said: "You have a wealth of money, but what else can you suffer? You are living a good life, and groaning and hurting the spring and the autumn without illness!"
Those words seemed to pierce Zhang Xiaolei's heart with a sharp knife, but he didn't want to cry anymore.
He swallowed the uncomfortable feeling, bit the smoky gun, and waved his hand too tiredly, and then squeezed out a smile: "That said, but I really don't want to eat it, you eat it yourself." (End of this chapter)