Hearing Qin Zhao's question, Jing Li was stunned for a moment and looked away.
… let it slip.
Jing Li remained silent, but Qin Zhao seemed relieved to see him like this. He hugged her and lay down, saying slowly: "You should have thought of it earlier... I just thought you didn't want to go to the capital because you didn't want to work too hard for me, but... you are actually worried about your safety, right?"
Jing Li still didn't speak.
He lowered his head, his fingers gently grasping the corner of the quilt, without nodding, but also without refutation.
Qin Zhao asked: "When did you find out?"
"… a long time ago."
"how long?"
"…" Jing Li pursed his lips and whispered, "I don't remember."
It’s not that he deliberately lied, but... if Qin Zhao insisted on asking him for a deadline, he himself couldn’t tell him.
Because it really has been a long time.
The first time I noticed something strange was probably after Qin Zhao passed the imperial examination and became the top three.
The two of them lived under the same roof, and it was impossible for them to completely hide their every move from each other. Ever since Qin Zhao passed the imperial examination, he often went to the study alone and stayed there for an entire afternoon or evening. And since then, Jing Li often found some ashes from burnt paper in the charcoal basin in the study.
He had a hunch that Qin Zhao was hiding something from him, but he didn't ask.
Jing Li never thought that people who love each other must be unconditionally honest, and he respected Qin Zhao's choice. He pretended not to know and did not ask, but there were some things that he could not pretend and pretend that nothing had happened.
There are more and more weird things happening.
Xiao Yue came to stay overnight, the Gu family showed more respect towards them, and... the slight change in Qin Zhao's style of doing things.
Jing Li remembered clearly every single thing that happened after he met Qin Zhao, the origin of the strange poison in his body, the poem he composed at the Mid-Autumn Poetry Festival that year, his reaction when he learned about Koi's life experience in Yunguan Temple... These countless bits and pieces, scattered in the quiet life, once gathered together, formed the only answer.
An answer that Jing Li was very reluctant to face.
Qin Zhao lowered his eyes and looked at the boy in his arms quietly. The boy lay beside him, curled up slightly, as if trying to hide himself. He was always like this, when he encountered something he didn't want to face, he just wanted to shrink, but forgot to hide the embarrassed and flustered expression on his face.
Qin Zhao lowered his head and placed a kiss on the other's slightly trembling eyelashes.
"Thank you for your hard work." Qin Zhao whispered.
They have been together for so long that Jing Li doesn't need to explain too much. Qin Zhao has already understood everything from his reaction.
Qin Zhao never felt that the restoration of his memory had any impact on himself. He continued to get along with Jing Li as he did in the past, treating him attentively and doing his best to protect him behind him.
He thought this would make Jingli feel more relaxed and secure.
But in fact, he backfired.
The arrogance and self-conceit that came with the return of his memories made him put himself and Jing Li on an unequal footing. He thought that Jing Li should be protected by him and continue to live his life happily and carefree.
But he forgot that husband and wife should retreat together.
These days, Qin Zhao wanted to hide everything from the other party. But he didn't hide it well at all. The young husband found out and knew about it, but he kept it in his heart out of dignity, silently worried about him and afraid of him.
Isn't this a kind of pain for him
For the first time, Qin Zhao regretted what he had done.
"I'm sorry." This was the second sentence Qin Zhao said. "You're right, Xiaoyu. I was self-righteous."
Jing Li's eyes trembled slightly.
"I... that's not what I meant." Jing Li grabbed Qin Zhao's hand, a little flustered, "I really didn't mean that. I support whatever decision you make. I just... I just hope you can take care of yourself. I don't want to see you hurt yourself..."
"You don't need to explain so much to me." Qin Zhao held him in his arms, resting his chin on the top of his head, rubbing it gently, "I'm just worried about you, you understand."
"There are some things I should have told you proactively."
"Tell me a story."
"Many years ago, when the late emperor was alive, he conferred a title on a prince of a different surname. That prince had three generations of loyal people, and his father and mother were both loyal ministers who worked hard and made great contributions. He was born into a powerful family and had been well-read since childhood. He was highly appreciated by the late emperor, who even became friends with him regardless of age difference."
"Later, the late emperor abused drugs to the point of addiction and became ill and bedridden. During the time when the late emperor was ill, power fell into the hands of others, and the empress's direct line took the opportunity to win over court officials with ill intentions. During that time, the court was in chaos, and even the prince's family was implicated, and his father was thrown into prison. He went to the late emperor to plead for mercy, but the late emperor told him, 'Others can save you temporarily, but not forever.'"
Jing Li raised his head and blinked.
Why do I feel like this sounds like shirking responsibility
Is this something an emperor should say
"You also think that's a problem, right? But he had no choice at that time." Qin Zhao sighed, "Thinking about it later, the late emperor probably had already anticipated what would happen later. When it comes to imperial power, his level is far beyond the reach of the future regent or the current emperor."
"After that day, the late emperor issued an imperial edict, naming his only son, the twelve-year-old prince, as the crown prince, and gave him to Prince Rong to teach and raise."
Jing Liming came over and asked: "Is he balancing?"
"Yes." Qin Zhao said, "The power of the Queen's direct line is growing stronger and stronger. The only way for the late emperor is to cultivate a force that can rival it."
And Prince Rong was definitely the first choice at that time.
It's not only because of his talent, but also because if he doesn't overthrow the Queen's lineage, he won't be able to save the lives of his family.
Moreover, we have to admit that the conditions given by the late emperor are extremely tempting.
Prince Rong was arrogant and spoiled back then. To him, the late emperor gave him a chance to save the country and the people and prove himself. No one could resist the temptation of power, fame and fortune.
"But the late emperor didn't calculate one thing correctly." Qin Zhao said softly.
Jing Li: “What?”
"He didn't live to see the day his plan came to fruition."
Prince Rong lived up to expectations and soon had power that could compete with the Queen's direct line. But the late Emperor's condition was too serious, and he passed away shortly after issuing the edict.
The previous emperor died, and the young prince succeeded to the throne. Prince Rong, the young prince's teacher, was ordered to rule the country and became the regent. His power was at its peak. The power of the queen's direct lineage, who became the empress dowager, was completely defeated, and no one in the court could compete with the regent.
Qin Zhao's tone was very steady when he told this story. Jing Li just looked at him quietly until he finished speaking, then asked in a low voice: "So... were his family members rescued?"
Qin Zhao closed his eyes: "No."
"Many people died in that power struggle. Many things are beyond human control. Prince Rong's family had nearly a hundred people, but in the end... he was the only one who survived."
Jing Li's eyes instantly turned red.
He lowered his head into Qin Zhao's arms, his fingers tightly gripping the quilt, as if trying to hide some heavy and suffocating emotions.
"Don't be sad." Qin Zhao stroked his hair, his voice still gentle, "He now has a new family and a person he wants to protect. There is nothing to be sad about. I think maybe it's because he is too afraid of losing, so he doesn't want the people he cares about to be involved in those disputes."
"He wanted to protect his loved one so much that he even ignored her feelings, causing her to worry and feel sad for him."
"He has realized his mistake now, Xiaoyu, can you please forgive him for the last time?"
Jing Li didn't get any sleep in the end, as Qin Zhao had too many things to tell him. From past experiences to Qin Zhao's plans during this period, he talked for the entire afternoon.
It wasn't until a little kid came over and scratched the door whimpering that the two of them came back.
As soon as I opened the door, I saw Ah Qi standing at the door with an embarrassed and apologetic look on his face.
The little fish woke up on time after sleeping for two hours, and kept making a fuss to come back to find his father. No matter how he was coaxed, it was useless. Ah Qi had just made Jing Li cry yesterday, and now he would not dare to make the young master cry again even if he had the courage, so he could only bring him back.
"Go down."
Qin Zhao felt that as a shadow guard, Ah Qi had probably never been so wronged in his life. He waved his hand helplessly and asked people to leave.
On the other side, the little fish had already stretched out his arms towards Jing Li, asking for a hug.
Jing Li carried the kid into the house, not caring about the extra light bulb: "Where were we talking just now? Why do you want to see Deng Tianyou? Aren't you afraid that he will tell on you?"
"He is the number one scholar I personally selected. He is considered a student I personally trained. I know him well." Qin Zhao said, "Besides, he has some power in the capital. We can use him after we enter the capital."
Jing Li looked at him suspiciously, as if he was about to say something but stopped. Qin Zhao coughed lightly and continued, "I had my old subordinates ambush him near here and outside his mansion last night, and they haven't withdrawn even now. If we find out that he has rebellious intentions, we will not let him return to the capital alive."
Jing Li said "Oh".
That's about right.
Meeting with Deng Tianyou was too risky a move. Jing Li would only feel worried if Qin Zhao was really unprepared.
Qin Zhao looked at Jing Li and asked tentatively: "Don't you think your actions are too cruel?"
Jing Li avoided his sight, lowered her head and pulled her hair out of the little fish's hand: "It can't be helped. If I don't do this, I will be in danger. I understand..."
"You don't have to force yourself." Qin Zhao smiled and raised his hand to touch Jing Li's face. "Those things that make you feel uncomfortable, don't look at them, don't listen to them, don't understand them, just leave them all to me."
Qin Zhao didn't want Jing Li to change for him. On the contrary, he liked Jing Li's current appearance. He said this not to seek Jing Li's understanding and recognition, but just to hope that he would not worry about himself.
"You will get used to it. Just give you some time." Jing Li said seriously.
"Okay." Qin Zhao said, "I just want to tell you that it's okay if you don't adapt. It's cute that you believe everything others say and can be deceived by a piece of cake."
"..." Jing Li muttered softly, "I can't hear you bragging."
Qin Zhao chuckled.
"You're still blaming me, but you're still the same, trusting that dog emperor." Jing Li said angrily, "Don't you think he's looking for someone to kill you?"
The smile on Qin Zhao's face faded a little.
"I don't know." He tilted his head to look out the window, with a hint of deep meaning in his eyes. "Sometimes I even wondered if being born in an imperial family meant that I was destined to be more thoughtful and harder to see through than ordinary people."
The atmosphere in the room was a little more solemn, only Xiaoyuzi didn't understand anything, and sat in Jingli's arms and laughed foolishly. Jingli didn't let him grab his hair, so he grabbed his clothes and almost fell out of Jingli's arms.
"Don't move, the fathers are talking about serious business." Jing Li pulled him back and taught him a lesson.
Qin Zhao didn't care and stretched out his hand to the little fish: "Come here, let me hold you for a while. Daddy is tired of holding you."
“Hmm…” The little fish blinked, but looked at Jing Li first.
Qin Zhao was helpless: "I don't know what's wrong with this little guy. He has refused to pay attention to me since he woke up today. I'm afraid he knows that I'm angry with him."
"Really?" Jing Li lowered his head and asked, "Are you ignoring Dad today?"
The little fish nodded seriously.
Jing Li: “…”
Jing Li asked: "Why?"
Little Fish: "Bullying Daddy."
Jing Li and Qin Zhao looked at each other, not knowing whether to laugh or cry: "Dad didn't bully Daddy, so how can you tell that I was bullied?"
"Daddy is bullying Daddy... Let Daddy sleep in the water." The little fish cub hid in Jing Li's arms, angrily, "Don't bully Daddy."