During the period of recuperation, Xiao Yuanmu seemed to be able to light up the love talk skill without a teacher.
Every day when I wake up, Song Xuanhe will always get a kiss the next second when he opens his eyes, and then Xiao Yuanmu's hoarse voice just after waking up: "I heard that people who have good morning kisses every day will live the best life." Happy day."
Xiao Yuanmu has always eaten less than Song Xuanhe. Recently, because of his injury, he needs to avoid eating, so he eats even less. Although he doesn't eat much, he is still keen on cooking even with his injured leg. It is his favorite thing to do every day Just watching Song Xuanhe finish the meal he cooked, and then boasting that it was delicious, every time at this time, he would say: "I hope I can cook for you for a lifetime."
Probably because of the injury, he even had less work to deal with, so he went to bed earlier than usual. During this period of time, he and Song Xuanhe would fall asleep at the same time. Before the two of them fell asleep, he always used his beautiful pair of Looking at Song Xuanhe with her eyes, she smiled and said, "It's good to have you."
After a few days like this, Song Xuanhe once suspected that Louis had shown Xiao Yuanmu some books like "Cheats of Love Talk" or "How to Please Your Partner", but they searched the entire apartment but couldn't find it.
Just before Song Xuanhe wondered whether Xiao Yuanmu had changed his sex or was reborn again, Xiao Lin came to the United States from D country.
His health is still not very good, but when he appeared in front of outsiders, no one would be able to see the serious problem. If there was no system reminder, Song Xuanhe would not be able to see his weakness at all.
Xiao Lin came to Xiao Yuanmu's apartment alone, without Mrs. Xiao or bodyguards by his side, his usually serious face was still serious, and his body was still full of momentum.
He greeted Song Xuanhe first, and said, "I've heard about you for a long time, Mr. Xiao Song. If there is a chance in the future, I hope we can chat."
Song Xuanhe nodded with a smile, called his uncle very politely, and waited downstairs.
He thought that Xiao Lin would come here specially to chat with Xiao Yuanmu for a while. After all, a lot of things happened recently, including the amputation of his young son's legs, the two brothers insisting that they were framed by each other, and Mrs. Xiao suddenly fell ill.
However, Xiao Lin went downstairs in less than fifteen minutes, again. He politely greeted Song Xuanhe and left.
Song Xuanhe watched him enter the elevator, then immediately turned around and went upstairs.
In the study, Xiao Yuanmu stood by the French window, his back was straight and his outline was cold, and he just looked out of the window with his eyes downcast, as if he was staring at the ants on the ground, his eyes were indifferent and calm.
This was the look that Song Xuanhe hadn't seen for a long time. It should be said that this was the look that Xiao Yuanmu didn't show in front of him.
Song Xuanhe stood at the door for more than ten seconds, but Xiao Yuanmu didn't respond, so he could only call him out.
"Xiao Yuanmu."
Most of the time, when the two face each other alone, Song Xuanhe is called Xiao Yuanmu by his full name, while Xiao Yuanmu completely depends on his mood, sometimes he will call him Xuanhe, sometimes he will call him Hebao, But most of the time, they stared silently, because Song Xuanhe would notice it with just one look, and then they omitted the address, and the two talked directly.
At this time, Xiao Yuanmu's eyelashes trembled when he heard Song Xuanhe call his full name, his eyes shrouded in black mist regained their spirit little by little, and then his eyes focused on Song Xuanhe who was behind the light at the door.
He paused for a moment before asking, "How did you come up?"
Xiao Yuanmu's voice was a little hoarse, as if someone who hadn't spoken for a long time suddenly spoke out, or as if he finally calmed down after being choked up for a long time, but the voice still leaked emotions.
Almost immediately, Song Xuanhe discovered that Xiao Yuanmu's mood was not right.
He thought of Xiao Lin's expression that seemed to have darkened a little before he left, and he couldn't help but feel worried, so he walked quickly towards Xiao Yuanmu, but just two steps away, he heard a voice in his mind: [Don't go over.]
Before he had time to ask why, Song Xuanhe listened to the system and said: [At this time, Xiao Yuanmu's emotional value is indeed very low, but you have no meaning in the past now, it's good that you can comfort him now, but what about fifteen days later? Have you forgotten that you will leave him in fifteen days? Compared with his current mood swings, I think his mood swings will be more serious in ten days. At that time, you can't comfort him. Let him Habits, on the contrary, are conducive to improving immunity.]
Song Xuan and Wen Yan paused, ignored the system, and continued walking towards Xiao Yuanmu.
"do not come."
Xiao Yuanmu turned around and turned his back to Song Xuanhe, his voice was a little deep, still a little hoarse.
"I want to be quiet," he said.
This is the first time Xiao Yuanmu refused his approach, Song Xuanhe thought in a daze.
The system's words didn't stop Song Xuanhe, but Xiao Yuanmu stopped him.
"Did something happen?" Song Xuanhe stood there in a daze for a long time before asking in a soft voice.
"I just want to be quiet for a while." Xiao Yuanmu didn't turn around, and said with a trace of fatigue in his tone, "Leave me alone for a while, okay?"
Song Xuanhe couldn't refuse when he heard the "okay".
He nodded, and after realizing that Xiao Yuanmu couldn't see, he said hello again.
After speaking, Song Xuanhe stared at Xiao Yuanmu's back closely, expecting something in his heart, but Xiao Yuanmu remained motionless, without any intention of turning around.
Song Xuanhe pursed the corners of his slightly pursed lips even tighter, then turned around and walked out step by step.
For some reason, before walking to the door, he suddenly remembered a dream that had been repeated in the past few nights.
In the dream, he was still the same as when he was a child. His parents took him out for a picnic, and a little girl wanted to fly a kite with him. He chased the little girl away and made her cry.
His mother came over and asked him, "Why did you drive that kid away?"
He replied: "I don't like her."
Mom disagreed: "Did Mom tell you to be nice to your friends?"
Holding the kite in his hand that was taller and bigger than him, he pouted and said, "But she's not my friend, I don't know her."
"Then you can treat her as a new friend you just met." Mom smiled and rubbed his head, curiously said: "But Mom thinks that little girl is cute, why don't you like her?"
In the dream, he pouted and replied loudly: "I have someone I like, of course I can't like others."
The mother's expression was surprised, but there was a smile in her eyes: "Then baby, can you tell mom, who do you like?"
"Xiao Yuanmu."
Whenever Xiao Yuanmu's name was spoken, Song Xuanhe would wake up.
This was a dream, and it was actually one of the few memories he had with his parents. The only difference between the memory and the dream was his mother's answer after asking him why he didn't like that little girl.
In his memory, he answered: because he doesn't want anyone to play with his kite, he likes this kite very much.
In the dream, the answer became Xiao Yuanmu.
In the dream, after his answer, his mother immediately smiled and said something, but at that time, he was about to wake up and couldn't hear anything clearly.
So in the past few days, Song Xuanhe was thinking about what his mother would say to him if she knew that he was with Xiao Yuanmu.
He thought for a long time, but he couldn't think of anything, because although his mother's memory was deep, it was too long, so long that he could not have more than ten years to get to know his parents like other children.
In his memory, his mother has always been gentle and kind, but when he grows up, he knows that most mothers are gentle and kind in front of their children. His not so many memories can't completely piece together a person's personality.
So he went back to the house where he lived with his parents for the first time on the day he became an adult at the age of eighteen, and found three diaries in his mother's room, a diary written by his parents when they were in love, a diary during pregnancy, and a diary A record of his growth left by his parents after he was born.
In the diary of the parents' love, they wrote about their deep love, the countries and roads they traveled, and their feelings for each other.
In the mother's pregnancy diary, it records the surprise from the moment she knew she was pregnant with him to the little things before he was born. Every stroke reveals the expectation and love of the child in the mother's womb.
And his growth diary is full of parents' expectations of him. They have very little expectations of him, which is completely different from other children's parents who have too many expectations for their children. They hope that he will be happy, kind, brave, Never regret, have the ability to love and be loved, and then you can relive for them the countries and roads they traveled when they fell in love.
More than that, they want him to know how much they love him.
Song Xuanhe somewhat forgot how his eighteen-year-old self felt when he saw these things. But he firmly remembered that he took these three diaries to his parents' cemetery that day, and told them that he would not disappoint their expectations. wishes.
——To revisit the countries and roads that parents walked when they were in love, this is the expectation of parents, and it is also the promise that Song Xuanhe made on the day of adulthood.
This promise used to be Song Xuanhe's faith, supporting his faith to go on alone.
So at the beginning, Song Xuanhe had no doubt that he would return to his own world.
It's just that as time passed, what he firmly believed in and insisted on began to shake. After that dream, he even thought, if he broke his promise to his parents, would they be disappointed in him? I will still understand and bless him, because although he failed to achieve the last one, he has achieved the one he always thought he might never be able to achieve—the ability to love and be loved.
Song Xuanhe was at a loss. He didn't know whether "revisiting the path his parents walked" was more in line with his parents' expectations of him, or "having the ability to love and be loved" was more in line with their parents' expectations of him.
These days, he has been struggling between these two choices all the time, but when he saw this door, he suddenly remembered that when he was a child, he told his mother that he liked the kite very much, so he didn't want to share it with others, and his mother said to him If you pass.
"Since baby likes this kite so much, will you take good care of it?"
Of course he would.
The mother became serious and said to him: "Xuanhe, liking is a very serious and serious thing. You can be interested in painting, and then put down the brush after a few days. You can be interested in model airplanes, and then a few days The sky is on the shelf, but you can't say you like it."
"Like is an expression of your love for a person and a thing, which means that you are willing to give up many things to firmly protect the love you have. You are willing to give up your model planes and tanks for this kite ?"
Maybe he was frightened by his mother's serious expression, he thought for a long time, and finally replied: "No."
"Then you can't say you like it, baby, but it's normal for you now to not know what a like is. Mom just wants to tell you that if one day, you meet someone you're willing to give up a lot of things, whether it's people or If you want to do something, then you must persevere, because you can only get love if you persevere.”
"You know what? Babe, if you can find things and people you love, then you'll be a wonderful person, and Mom wants you to be, but you don't have to search for what Mom expects. , because that is your life."
This memory is really long, so far away that when Song Xuanhe remembered the complete memory, the red eye circles were far behind the speed of turning around.
At this moment, he suddenly figured out the problem that he had been struggling with before. Rather than him re-walking the path his parents walked, they might hope to see him find a lover who will accompany him for life, because compared to their expectations of him, they have been What is even more hopeful is that he can bravely decide his own life.
Xiao Yuanmu heard the sound of footsteps getting lighter, and heard that the study room became quieter than before after every breath he took, and the light in his eyes dimmed a little bit.
He suddenly remembered what Xiao Lin asked him:
"You love Song Xuanhe, does he love you?"
"Are you sure he loves you?"
"Even if it is confirmed, are you sure that you will be together forever?"
"The Xiao family has no precedent for same-sex couples, and will not make an exception for you. Those clansmen live by the old rules. In order to maintain the old-school traditions, they can even ignore many things. You can guarantee that your persistence can Protect your lover?"
"Xiao Yuanmu, you are still too young, do you think you can protect him for a while, or protect him for a lifetime?"
"Once you have any accidents, Song Xuanhe, who prevents you from leaving the direct descendants of the Xiao family, will become the target of public criticism. I know the dispute between you and your brother. He failed because he was incompetent, but he is also from the Xiao family. You To be honest with him, I expected it a long time ago, so it is not disappointing, but you are so devoted to a man that you are not sure whether you really love you, and you almost show your weakness to the whole world, I am very disappointed .”
"Xiao Yuanmu, I'm your father. Even if we don't get along very much, I know you very well, because you are very similar to me. Ask yourself, do you really think that Song Xuanhe loves you as much as you love him? Is it? If so, why do you guard him so cautiously, as insecure as if you are afraid that he will run away in a blink of an eye?"
Xiao Lin asked one question after another, and Xiao Yuanmu didn't answer any of them, but his heart was not without fluctuations.
It wasn't because Xiao Lin said that he felt that Song Xuanhe didn't love him, but because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to protect him.
Xiao Yuanmu lowered his eyes to look at his trembling hands, black mist shrouded his eyes, and the gloom covered the light in his eyes.
Xiao Lin was wrong a lot, but he was right—if something happened to him, Song Xuanhe would definitely be the target of public criticism.
But even so, he...
The sound of footsteps going away suddenly stopped, and the gloomy thoughts in Xiao Yuanmu's mind followed the quiet study and he pressed the pause button. He put down his raised hand, his slender eyelashes trembled slightly, waiting for some sound Get it all back on track.
I don't know how long it took, maybe a few seconds, maybe a few minutes, or it could be longer, Xiao Yuanmu heard the sound of footsteps, stepping on the wooden floor with a clicking sound, which made him hold his breath.
"Xiao Yuanmu." Song Xuan and Qingrun's voices sounded, Xiao Yuanmu straightened his back subconsciously, and he said, "Did your father say something to you, so you are a little sad now."
Xiao Yuanmu pursed the corners of his mouth slightly, and lightly shook the hand placed by his side, but did not speak.
"Didn't you say that nothing I do will make you sad?" Song Xuanhe took a step closer, stood half a step away from Xiao Yuanmu, and looked at his back: "If you want to be alone , but I don't want you to stay alone, you must stay here, won't you be sad?"
Xiao Yuanmu clenched his trembling hands into fists, and replied in a hoarse voice: "No."
"Would that be upset or mad at me?"
"Won't."
"What if I hug you?" Song Xuanhe took a step forward and hugged him from behind, "Will you drive me away?"
Xiao Yuanmu trembled, and it took a few seconds before he answered: "No."
"Not now, or never?"
Song Xuan's soft chin was pressed against his shoulder blades. When he spoke, his chin trembled slightly, and the tremor moved up his spine and spread to the surroundings, along with the blood and bone marrow trembling slightly.
"… forever."
Song Xuanhe laughed, hugged him tightly and said, "Then just pretend that I don't exist and continue to be alone."
Xiao Yuanmu raised the hand placed by his side a little, then put it down without a trace, and then hummed lightly.
Song Xuanhe just hugged him from behind, silently saying nothing, and then accompanied him.
Standing by the window, Xiao Yuanmu suddenly found that looking at the street downstairs by himself was completely different from seeing the street downstairs with someone hugging him behind him.
All kinds of pedestrians coming and going changed from noisy to lively, and the old fountain in the Central Park reflected the light under the shroud of light, which was beautiful and warm.
The warm body temperature came from the person behind him, which made Xiao Yuanmu very greedy. The gloom in his heart had been dispelled little by little, but he was reluctant to let Song Xuanhe let go. He just wanted to maintain this posture. for that long.
There was never a moment when Xiao Yuanmu was able to feel Song Xuanhe's love for him from the comfort and tranquility in front of him.
Xiao Lin asked him if Song Xuanhe loved him as much as he loved him.
Xiao Yuanmu was not stabbed by his words, because he never felt that only the same amount of love can be together. Whether he loves Song Xuanhe more or Song Xuanhe loves him more does not matter to him. It would be troublesome, because he knew they loved each other, and that was enough, and if he wanted to pursue more, it would become greed.
Greed will never end well, this is what Xiao Yuanmu knew before the first rebirth, and he will not do worse after the second rebirth than before.
But when Song Xuanhe hugged him, he suddenly felt that it might be okay to be greedy sometimes.
For example, now, without saying anything, he also knows that Song Xuanhe loves him.
Compared with Xiao Lin's assumptions for psychological warfare, the company at this moment is more important than anything else.
It's just that he suddenly wasn't so sure whether he could accompany Song Xuan for as long as he expected.