Separated by an entire dimension, the act of "waiting" itself is like a cat in a box, whose life or death is unknown until the next message arrives.
Hojo Natsuki couldn't understand or agree with this behavior.
Before being adopted by Mr. Mori, his memory was very vague, as if covered by a thick layer of fog, and he could not recall any useful information at all. Perhaps, his life simply started from that year, and he had no "consciousness" before that.
Although he was only six years old, he was like a clumsy and immature baby, stumbling over the 50 sounds and grammar, and learning how to use chopsticks... But he learned quickly and had a photographic memory, so it didn't take long for him to show maturity beyond his age.
Although Mr. Mori always encouraged him to go out and play with people of his own age and to develop his social skills, Hojo Natsuki found it difficult to make normal friends with them.
So he watched TV dramas, and found that there were things worth learning from the interpersonal relationships in TV dramas.
At that time, Tokyo Love Story was on the air. It was playing as soon as I turned on the TV. From the current perspective, this TV series was extremely melodramatic. The plot was mainly about a heartless man and two women, and in the end the heroine made up her mind to leave him. Hojo Natsuki couldn't understand it and thought that these were two psychopaths who deserved it, but the white windbreakers that the two protagonists often wore were very eye-catching, and he also wanted to buy one.
Mr. Mori said, "Do you like it? Of course, go buy it tomorrow. But when you grow up, Xia Shu-kun should still wear a black windbreaker. Windbreakers should be black."
The next day, he went to buy a white windbreaker. The little boy, who hadn't even stretched out yet, didn't look cool or fresh in it. It looked more like a raincoat. He hung the coat, put on a dust bag, and hung it in the back of the closet. He stopped watching the ridiculous TV series.
Six to eight o'clock every day is his fixed "fresh air" time.
Before going out, Hojo Natsuki put on his small schoolbag and the little yellow hat that Mr. Mori requested.
He didn't like this childish hat, but Mori Ogai explained with a smile and a serious face: "Since you don't want to go out with an adult, you have to wear this. In case you encounter something, such as being kidnapped, the obvious features can leave an impression on people and make it easier for me to find you. Besides, isn't this cute?"
Hojo Natsuki suspected that the last sentence was Mr. Mori's real purpose, but he was young at the time and felt something was wrong, so he didn't refute it and obediently put on the bright yellow hat.
The umbrella is also light yellow, with a darker tone, the same color as the down of a Peppa duck. When you go out on a rainy day, it looks like a bright mushroom in the wind and rain.
He had no playmates when he went out. He just found a place to lie still, observing the people coming and going, and imitating the best ones.
Mr. Mori, who is calm and elegant and has a certain social position, is a model of "excellence". There are always people like Mr. Mori in the crowd.
However, Hojo Natsuki is always attracted by characters with more conflicts, such as quarreling couples and bickering mother and daughter.
Lovers are the most dramatic. In public, they either suppress their voices and argue with each other, or blame each other regardless of the consequences. Hojo Natsuki watches with great interest.
The most interesting one was a young brown-haired woman. To this day, he still has a faint impression of her, not because of her appearance, but because he remembered that her nails were very long.
The crystal cat's eyes with pink rhinestones made Hojo Natsuki look at the beautiful nails that looked quite inconvenient in life. She exchanged glances with the man sitting across the table, whispering and laughing, and the ambiguous atmosphere was self-evident.
When I saw her again, she had changed her nails in the past six months. It was early autumn, and they were chestnut in color, which was suitable for the season. The length was still so ridiculous that it was hard to imagine how she used the keyboard. The young Hojo Natsuki noticed the nails first, then recognized her and the man sitting at the same table.
It's not surprising that this pair of lovers became a couple of enemies. The woman with delicate makeup had red eyes, and no matter how thick the foundation was, it couldn't hide her fatigue.
She forbearingly asked: "I've waited for you for so long... How could you do this to me?"
The man could only apologize in silence.
Soon, the man left and they parted on bad terms.
After he left, the woman could no longer hold back her expression and began to sob softly, covering her face with her hands.
She slumped down in the sofa cushions, as if she had no strength to stand up. Hojo Natsuki felt for the handkerchief in his pocket, walked over, patted her shoulder, and handed it to her silently.
She was extremely surprised, pursed her lips, quickly tidied herself up, took the handkerchief, and said in a hoarse voice, "Thank you, little friend."
Handing paper to a sad stranger was just out of the "gentleness" he learned from others, not sympathy.
Hojo Natsuki didn't think she had any sympathy. A contractual relationship like "love" was a contract without explicit terms. If it involved "exchange", it would be an atypical business transaction. Doing business would require sacrifice and loss, just like a contractual relationship.
This unstable relationship does not conform to the principle of optimal solution at all, and it has no solution at all.
Since you have chosen to wait, don't complain. Isn't it natural that your fingers will be scratched by the thorns when you pick a rose
This is the price of love.
More than ten years ago, he watched coldly as the poor lovers suffered the consequences of their own actions; later, he rejected those stubborn and wishful pursuers without any psychological burden.
But now, looking at the red book in his hand, which he had read one-third of, Hojo Natsuki could no longer maintain his arrogant attitude of indifference.
It was as if the breath condensed into ice chips, piercing the heart in small pieces.
He felt a little uncomfortable. He felt distressed. Hojo Natsuki closed the book and pretended to be calm, putting it back where it was. "It's so complicated, I can't understand it. What's the main point?"
Kurosawa Jin: “See for yourself.”
"Okay," he said.
He half-lay on the sofa, took out his mobile phone, and stared at the lock screen for a moment.
The time numbers jumped, two minutes passed, the screen went off, and returned to black.
Hojo Natsuki came to his senses and unlocked it again.
It was a bit confusing, and I couldn't find the clues. This state was a bit beyond the scope, whether it was Kurosawa Jin's attitude or his own.
Select [Dazai Osamu]'s information interface. He actually didn't want to share with Dazai, a wicked guy, but a reliable candidate would have even less experience in love; Dazai also had no experience in love, but his relationship with the opposite sex was surprisingly good.
[Xia Shu]: Are you there? I have a question.
A few minutes later, the other party replied.
[Dazai Osamu]: Eh, such an awkward way of asking.
[Dazai Osamu]: It’s an emotional issue again, right
Hojo Natsuki: “…”
This is outrageous. Even though I have experienced this many times before, I still can't help but feel that it is outrageous.
[Dazai Osamu]: Go ahead and tell me.
[Dazai Osamu]: About that Gin-kun
Hojo Natsuki: “…”
He suddenly didn't want to ask anymore.
However, he had already started, so he swallowed the question, which made him look even more embarrassed. He resigned himself to his fate and typed word by word: "How do I know if I like someone? Not out of 'touching'..."
Asking this kind of question is like flipping a coin.
The moment the coin falls into your hands and before you open it to see the front and back sides, the confused person already has the answer in his heart.
Hojo Natsuki stared at the line of words and deleted it again.
re-enter.
[Xia Shu]: Was I like a gay before
[Dazai Osamu]：
[Dazai Osamu]:? ? ? ? ?
Dazai Osamu: It’s wonderful…
Dazai Osamu: I don’t think so.
[Dazai Osamu]: Tell me in detail, tell me quickly
Hojo Natsuki blocked his message, put his phone back in his pocket, walked to Kurosawa Jin, pulled a dining chair and sat down.
The other person raised his eyes, glanced at him lightly, and then returned his attention to the laptop screen.
"Ignoring me again." Hojo Natsuki thought.
I didn't find it strange. He hooked a bunch of Kurosawa Jin's silver hair and played with it. He tied a knot and then untied it; he tried to braid it, but he didn't know how to do it, so it just tangled up.
The originally smooth long hair was messed up by him and became frizzy and tangled. Hojo Natsuki felt a little guilty, so he let go of his hand, hid the bunch of hair under the rest of his hair, and pretended nothing had happened.
Kurosawa Jin seemed to have discovered that he was doing something bad, but he didn't care. He asked in a cold tone without even turning his head, "What's the matter?"
"Nothing." Hojo Natsuki was a little confused, not knowing how to start, so he randomly found a topic, "When we first met, did you hate me?"
Kurosawa didn't answer directly, but his expression was asking, "What do you think?"
The answer is obvious—the young boy Gin wishes that the lingering ghost would disappear immediately.
Xia Shu: "Then when did you stop hating me?"
The other party obviously wanted to use the universal short sentence to deal with it, but Hojo Natsuki immediately added: "Don't give me a perfunctory answer."
Kurosawa Jin stopped what he was doing and looked at him, as if he caught something from his expression. He closed the laptop with one hand and crossed his slender fingers.
He thought for a moment before answering, "I don't remember, maybe one or two years."
For him, it seemed a long time ago, after all, they met twelve years ago.
Hojo Natsuki thought about the favorability that had not increased for a long time.
A year ago, the favorability here was barely reduced to zero from negative value, but Kurosawa Zhen's wait was much longer than that.
why is that
"What if the favorability... is not a standard that is quantified and determined by the system?" Xia Shu thought of his initial speculation, "... What if he is unwilling to admit that he likes someone, and the 'favorability' can't go up?"
Kurosawa Jin had already discovered the three-speed flow rate difference.
Kurosawa Jin knew about the invisible wall that could not be crossed, and he also knew that what was even more distant than the starry sky above his head was the time and space that separated the two people.
He refused to be tamed, refused to admit it, and didn't want to give Natsuki the most important thing because she was obviously not the one who would keep it properly.
While Hojo Natsuki was unaware, the other party had already ended the repeated tugs and long struggle, and finally lowered his head, giving him the loyalty of a person without faith.
"… I should have known this earlier." He thought again with an almost imperceptible sigh.
Even the most perfect crime will have flaws - undisguised preference, blatant closeness, only opening the first third of a bedtime book... Kurosawa Jin did not cover up the evidence, waiting to confess his crime.
Many thoughts flashed through my mind, but in reality, less than half a minute had passed.
Hojo Natsuki looked at him silently. It was the first time he looked into the man's eyes seriously.
Against the backdrop of the setting sun, the lake remains cold and green.
"I want to tell you something, please listen carefully."
He had no experience and didn't know how to properly and intelligently handle intimacy. Techniques such as being close yet distant and retreating when the enemy advances were far away and advanced. So he caught the most critical cluster in the torrent of thoughts and told them frankly and directly.
"I should like you a little bit."
Hojo Natsuki looked down at her toes and therefore did not catch the expression on Kurosawa Jin's face at that moment.
Once the most difficult words came out of his mouth, the following statements became particularly natural. "However, I am not sure that the worlds we live in will definitely merge, so there are still many problems...hiss—"
Kurosawa raised his hand and grabbed his wrist with such force that one could almost hear the fragile sound of his wrist bones creaking as they could not bear the stress.
A few blue veins popped up on the back of his palm, as if he was trying his best to endure, contrasting with the cold whiteness of his skin.
"It hurts." Hojo Natsuki frowned in pain and said vaguely, "Don't touch me, I haven't finished yet."
Kurosawa Jin didn't let go, his eyes fixed on his face without blinking: "Say it again."
"What?" He was stunned for half a second.
Then, he suddenly realized it, and the heat spread from his ears to his cheeks. He didn't feel it when he first said it, but when he had to repeat it again in a short period of time, he felt something was wrong.
Hojo Natsuki's eyes wandered: "You clearly heard it."
Kurosawa Jin: “No.”
“I just heard it.”
"did not hear."
Hojo Natsuki pretends to cough
He coughed twice, trying to get over the issue, and said seriously, "Wait for me to finish. I have another condition."
The strength in Kurosawa Jin's palm gradually relaxed, but the shackles were still maintained.
"Speak." He replied calmly.
"I won't hide from you anymore. But you can't force me to do something I don't want to do. You have to respect my opinion."
"Um."
Hojo Natsuki: "There are some things I can't tell you right now. I have to wait until the time is right." - For example, the secret of the "book".
Kurosawa Jin: “Yeah.”
He continued, "Although there is nothing special about the world I live in that is worth reminiscing about, I have become accustomed to a specific social role and social work, and I also have friends and family that I cannot easily abandon. I will still live and work normally, and come here regularly for 'vacation' in my free time. I will only make a choice if I am faced with an extreme situation of choosing between the two. ... Can you accept that?"
"knew."
"I found another place to live."
Kurosawa Jin paused and asked nonchalantly, "Where is it?"
This is really an interesting scene. The man who never bothered to pretend to be stupid is pretending to know nothing.
Hojo Natsuki couldn't help but curl his eyes. When he smiled brightly, a shallow dimple would appear on his left cheek.
He asked, "Can I not tell you yet?"
Kurosawa put his palm on the side of his face and pressed the dimple with his fingertips. He seemed to be in a good mood, but he answered very coldly: "No."
Natsuki accused, "I just promised you that."
"Oh." Kurosawa Jin changed the subject casually, "Okay."
Natsuki: "But I still have to tell you. When you come to see me at 2-23, Beika-cho, be low-key. I am an ordinary person."
The other party nodded calmly: "Got it."
Hojo Natsuki was still racking his brains to think over the terms, but before long, he began to lose focus and his thoughts wandered aimlessly. Suddenly he thought of the Ferrari rocking car, which was probably a real Ferrari sports car. No wonder Piscogua found the task of making a Ferrari incredible.
He found it funny again and suggested, "I want to go for a drive in that bright yellow Ferrari."
It's February now, and it snowed in Tokyo last night. The frost on the branches has not yet faded. Driving a convertible sports car in such weather would be a bit too extravagant.
Kurosawa: "It's cold outside."
"it does not matter."
Kurosawa Jin ignored him and asked, "What else?"
"Hmm..." he thought in distress, "and..."
-what else
The upturned corners of Hojo Natsuki's mouth gradually drooped and became straight.
There was another point that they both knew very well. He didn't need to ask such a superfluous question, but he still spoke, just like the newlyweds exchanging rings at a ceremony, saying the customary oath under the witness of the Heavenly Father.
He spoke slowly and seriously: "There is a possibility that I can't interfere with the fusion process, and I may not be able to stay here forever. ... Therefore, our time asymmetry will always exist. Is this okay?"
The implications are undoubtedly cruel.
Inequality between people exists in the world all the time, but the inequality between him and Kurosawa Jin comes from the difference in dimensions, which is as clear and profound as a natural chasm. If this is an uncrossable river, if this is an invincible fate, even so—
Kurosawa Jin responded calmly, "Yes."
He had obviously thought about this question many times, so when he answered, he didn't need any tempering: "I'm twenty-six years old. If you hadn't taken care of me, and if you hadn't come, I would have grown old too."
—He knows it all and accepts it all.
Hojo Natsuki held his fingers in reverse and was at a loss for words.
He remembered the system's description of this person.
[As long as you don't give up on him, he will always be your most loyal Top Killer. ]
[… He is willing to do anything for you. ]
Hojo Natsuki smiled silently.
He from
There is no unattainable desire, no desperate desire, no repetitive yearning, and every day is as calm as white water. Yokohama, Port Mafia, Tokyo... No matter what happens, it is just a cycle of trivialities day after day, and it cannot cause Hojo Natsuki's emotions to fluctuate greatly. At this moment, he firmly and arrogantly thought: "If that's the case, I am willing to do it too."
—Isn’t it just… the so-called “fate”
A cold wind blew in through the window, as if it was going to disrupt the evening light in the house.
The silence lasted for a moment, and something seemed to be brewing in the air.
"If we can't drive, why don't we go for a walk?" Hojo Natsuki stood up and suggested cheerfully, "It's a bit boring."
Kurosawa Jin nodded, walked to the entrance with him, and put on his coat.
The other party handed over the red scarf.
"I'm making a request now." Hojo Natsuki didn't answer. She stared into his eyes and asked very seriously, "No matter what... will you agree to it?"
Kurosawa Jin frowned subconsciously, as if he was quite unhappy, but his eyes were indulgent.
—He will agree.
With this glance, Hojo Natsuki had already gotten the answer. Therefore, there was no need to make any more unnecessary attempts.
His hands were in his pockets, very warm, and he was too lazy to take them out, so he glanced at the red scarf in Kurosawa's hand and said very naturally: "I don't have hands."
Kurosawa Jin glanced at him and raised his hand to help him tie his scarf.
The red scarf was draped over his neck, which was a little itchy. Hojo Natsuki suddenly remembered something and said seriously, "Oh, there's one more thing."
Kurosawa Jin: “?”
Xia Shu: "Remember to publish in SCI, first area, first author, it should be OK this year, right?"
Kurosawa Zhen's movements suddenly stopped: "… "
Natsuki: "Also, become a graduate student tutor for Bourbon and Scotland."
Kurosawa Jin: “…”
The silver-haired man expressionlessly crossed the left and right ends of his scarf and tied a knot. Then he left him, pushed the door open coldly, and went straight downstairs.
Hojo Natsuki: "... Wait for me!"
The other person stretched out his long legs and walked very quickly. By the time Hojo Natsuki adjusted his knotted scarf, changed his shoes and went out, he was already quite a distance away.
A few minutes later, he trotted after Kurosawa Jin, grabbed his wrist, and complained, "How could you do this?"
Kurosawa Jin glanced back at him.
Then he held Hojo Natsuki's hand, put his palms together, and slid his fingers into the gaps between theirs.
His palms were so hot that it felt like they were burned.
Hojo Natsuki looked up and saw the snow foam, which was about to melt, floating on the branches, glistening.
It's still cold now. But spring is coming.
(End of this chapter)