"I just want to be with you."
With one hand, he undid the front a little, reached into his coat and took out something, and gropingly hung it on my neck, with a warm breath and his unique scent of ink, it fell heavily on my chest forward.
I looked down, stretched out my hand and slowly rubbed it, as if my eyes were unable to see, I rubbed it bit by bit in disbelief.
It was a bone-carved deer that my mother gave me. The wax seal was tightly stitched together, indicating that it had never been opened.
"Miao'er, I won't compete with you for our child." He lowered his head and pressed the tip of his nose against mine, his eyes were so focused that it was as if he was looking at me, and his breath slowly brushed against my cheek. , "I don't want the wealth of the Lu family. Without you, I would be impoverished, and I would be ten and a hundred times the wealth of the Lu family, but I was just a poor family... In the past, I did many things wrong... I made many mistakes This decision has chilled your heart..." He wrapped his arms around me for a few minutes, cautiously and cautiously, "But, Miao'er, can you listen to me?"
I held the deer pendant tightly and bowed my head silently.
He hugged me tightly, resting his chin on my shoulder, preventing me from seeing his face, his voice trembling barely noticeable, "Miao'er, don't leave me alone, don't let me meet every night again. Against the hard and cold coffin, facing the icy corpse that could only be corroded every inch by all means, and devouring the bones... stay within a distance that I can hear and touch, okay?"
I looked out the window at the pomegranate trees that were in pieces, and sighed in a low voice, "Pomegranate seeds, leftovers. Why did you make me take the medicine for avoiding the seeds for more than two years, but you let me give birth to a baby? And did you ever know that those medicines might make me infertile in this life?"
"I know." He said in a deep voice, with a decisive tone, "Even if you and I have no future for the rest of our lives, we cannot let you take your life as a bet. The emperor had suspected me for a long time, and if you were pregnant, the mother and child would be poisoned. .I must never put you at risk for this."
He turned his head a little, and a faint mole behind the auricle, which was almost invisible, was facing the corner of my eye, "Song Xiyuan didn't come to the house to ask for a marriage without my instructing, if I instruct him to marry you, why would he use excuses to provoke the general all night? He detained him to the yamen for questioning, and then sent someone to set fire to the back warehouse of Songjiatian's first pavilion? I only regret that he came to greet you in advance, when Zhanyue detained him, it was a ritual..."
"Perhaps you questioned that I married you to win over the Shen family... I can't deceive you anymore, yes, at first, I came to propose a marriage to gradually win over the power of the Shen family... But when I received the absurdity of the absurd world Dismantling the imperial decree between you and my husband is like thunder in a sunny day, and I don't know if it's because I lost power in the Shen family, or because you saw my polite and estranged 'little uncle' calling me like a throat."
"I've always been calm and self-controlled by asking myself. However, at the Shen family's night banquet, when I saw you being drunk, my mind was full of longing... It was me, I avoided everyone and carried you into the tent..."
"After more than ten days in the afternoon, on the banks of the Wenshui River, when I saw that you were rescued by Song Xiyuan and held in his arms, I didn't even think about it. Only then did I know clearly that this feeling turned out to be jealousy... The first time I heard that Song Xiyuan went to the Shen family to propose marriage, and your father agreed in court, it was like a blow to the chest for me, as long as I thought that another man was going to be like I used to be. Usually when I hold you in my arms, I feel that all five of my internal organs are burned, and my heart is hurting."
"In the realm of Yangzhou, the reason why Song Xiyuan dared to marry you with great fanfare and was not afraid of me at all was because he relied on the royal family's reliance on its wealth." He paused, his jaw tightened, and he seemed very forbearing, "You entered the Song family. For more than two months, I couldn’t sleep well every night, and I wished I could break into the Song family with a sword and rob you. However, it’s easy to be brave for a while, but what about the future? I have to restrain myself and plan for the long run.”
"The doctor who usually diagnoses the Song family's pulse and prescribes tonics is the one I placed. As early as when you were in Songmen two months ago, when he prescribed daily tonics for you, it was already diagnosed that you were pregnant. Report, let me know first, as soon as I heard about the approximate date of your pregnancy, I knew that it must be the blood of you and me. Although I had given you contraceptive pills for the past two years, when I heard that you had mine Blood, except for the unexpected ecstasy that fills the heart, there is no other thought, only hope that the child will fall to the ground and the mother and child will be safe."
"It's just that at the same time, there are also worries and fears that you will be persecuted by the royal family or the Song family. If the doctor tells the truth that you are three months pregnant, although it can confuse the emperor's eyes, thinking that it is neither me nor Song Xiyuan's son, save the fetus in the womb and your life, but your reputation will be humiliated, and I am afraid that the Song family will be disadvantaged for you."
"I then made a plan to let the doctor lie that you are pregnant for four months, then the world will know that you are my son, the Song family will not dare to hurt you, but they will not tolerate you, so you can justifiably return to the Pei family, in order to prevent the emperor. It's not good for your mother and son, then I will find another pregnant substitute to put at home, and hide you in a safe and hidden place until delivery."
"Unexpectedly, Song Xiyuan also bought the doctor to say that you were two months pregnant, and then he attracted the imperial doctor in the palace, and even more unexpectedly, the imperial doctor said that you were three months pregnant, and did not support the Song family at all, which shows that the royal family Although they rely on Song Xiyuan, they will never rest assured and watch the Song and Shen families become stable and married, and they are trying to take this opportunity to break up the two families and stifle the Song family's power."
"Song Xiyuan has only seen through the emperor's sinister intentions to take advantage of the Song family but fundamentally guard against the Song family and to cross the river and demolish the bridge. The two of us also formed an alliance and joined forces after you wrote your divorce letter and returned to the Shen family."
My hand moved involuntarily, but he seemed to know what I was thinking and continued: "Song Xiyuan and I are not half-brothers, and we have no blood connection. The reason why I told you that on the Mid-Autumn Festival night, It was I who noticed that there was a change outside the wall, and at the same time, I learned that King Ping Ping had repeatedly sent people to win over Song Xiyuan, so I guessed that outside the wall must be King Ping's remnants of protecting the emperor, and deliberately told them to listen to them, intending to confuse them and give up the move. . Guess what, after... "
He hugged me tightly, trembling slightly like a nightmare reappearing in front of his eyes, unable to control himself, his voice was hoarse and kept calling only my name.
I listened to his narration silently, and let him slowly return to calm, only then did I pluck up the courage to say softly, "What you said is too complicated, I don't understand. I just ask you: 'either copy or punish' But from your mouth?"
He choked suddenly.
I reached out and brushed the soft strands of hair on his forehead, "Yanzhen, tell me the truth. I believe everything you say today, just don't lie to me again."
I lowered my head and saw the Adam's apple slide up and down gently on his slender neck. After a long time, I heard him say, "Yes, I said it."
My heart is cold to the bottom...
"Then you promised to give Song Xiyuan the power to sell silk to the six provinces on the Shen's shop floor 161 after the mutiny was completed. Is that also you?"
"… Yes."
"You refused to marry in court until the night of your court visit with Miss Qin, in order to gain the trust of the Shen family and let the royal family relax their vigilance?"
"… yes, but no."
"The reason why you chose to form an alliance with the Song family, which is not as wealthy as the Shen family, is because the Song family is a member of the imperial party, but they can cooperate with you. Such a function cannot be matched by ten Shen families, right?"
"… Yes."
"So, from the very beginning, the Shen family was the prerequisite for the exchange of interests between your alliance?"
"At first it was, but then it wasn't, everything changed..."
"Is it me who broke up your overall layout?" I smiled and quietly asked myself, "It seems unlikely. Even my pregnancy with Xiao'er is in your plan, grass snake gray line , Fu Yan Qianli, you have always been like this with one stone and a series of tricks, you love, you hate, love you, hate you, everyone is a shadow puppet carefully carved in your hands, according to you The script of the play controls the robe to appear, and every play is flawless."
"The whole world, in your heart, is just a game!"
I took my hand and slapped him in the face, causing my palms to numb and numb to the cracked fingers, "Why do you want me to stay with you if you plan on me like this?"
He turned his head away from being beaten by me, with blood stains on the corners of his mouth, I felt a pain in my heart, turned my face away, and choked up, "I don't know who you once loved, but I must be the one you hate the most. Otherwise, how could you be so cruel to me? With this slap, I will respect you for myself, Xiao'er, and the entire Shen family!"
I closed my eyes, and the room was silent. The breeze blew across the temples, causing ripples in the broken hair.
I gritted my teeth and said ruthlessly, "It's not just this palm, today, you are alone in this old temple in the deep mountains, are you not afraid that I will kill you?"
A pair of slender hands caressed my face, carefully wiped my cheeks little by little, and said indifferently: "Anything is fine, as long as you stop crying."
I raised my chin, and a water stain slid down the side of my cheek, and then I realized that my face was stunned. I stretched out my hand and said with a smile, "How can you always speak so tenderly and affectionately? It's like heaven and earth, in your eyes... I am alone."
"Miao'er, it's not 'like', it's the truth." He opened his mouth hoarsely, his voice soft and almost pious and humble, "Since you left, I have been waiting for your soul to fall into a dream every night, but I have never looked forward to even a corner of your back. Knowing that you must hate me to the core, even the soul is stingy to step into my dream... I have done a lot of wrong things in the past, which hurt you so deeply that I can't regret it. Now can you correct me again Opportunity?"
I clenched the deer pendant on my chest and said slowly, "Do you know what a scorpion is and what a bead is? This Lu family's property is a mussel bead, and I was just a wooden scorpion that only holds beads. Today, even if you are willing to be stable in the country, Under the premise of worry-free money, to be the foolish person who buys caskets and returns pearls, should I be grateful for this cheap wooden box?"
“Miao’er, why do you always want to belittle yourself like this?” He frowned, “You are neither a scorpion nor a pearl, you are just you. Shen Miao and Jiangshan, Shen Miao is in front, Jiangshan is behind. I will allow you today. , I must do it." His eyes were clear and firm towards me, as if he wanted to 'look' into my eyes.
I caressed my heart, and the tide rose and fell between my chest, and I didn't know what to say for a long time.
He didn't make a sound, he quietly hugged me, and the eyes that were dry in front of the Buddha in the afternoon are now gushing out strands of clear water like spring eyes, and the stars are rippling with eager anticipation, gently tilting his ears, as if Lest I miss the slightest sound of words.
With such a focused gaze, the inadvertent movements of every move of hands and feet, the momentum is still there, as if it doesn't look like a blind person at all, it's because I'm so close, if I hadn't seen it before, now it's impossible to look at each other like this. No clue. It's just that the eyes that deliberately tried to search and capture my eyes revealed his stubbornness, yes, how can a person as proud and graceful as he tolerate the flaws in his eyes, he tried to find my position according to the voice, and tried to make his eyes The concentration is clear as usual, trying to make people ignore his blindness...
I raised it high, and the hand that was about to slap him again fell, but it seemed to have my own consciousness, instead of hitting his cheek hard, it was so light that I couldn't touch his eyes any more," What's wrong with your eyes?"
When I finished speaking, I wished I could bite the tip of my tongue.
At that moment, I knew that I was soft-hearted, and the fierce aura that I had gathered to question him before was pouring out like never before.
His face turned pale, he tilted his head and grabbed my hand, "It's nothing, it's not a big problem." The next moment, when he held my hand, it became a little colder, and his expression became more and more worried, "Miao'er, I Although I can't see you, I still have ears, I can hear you, and hands, I can touch you..." The last sentence was barely audible, "Or, do you despise me like this?"
There was a deep sense of self-abandonment between the eyebrows, and the whole body was stiff.
I was used to seeing his calm and steady victories, the countless gullies in his chest, but his silent scheming, but he had never seen him so helpless and vulnerable. I know I can't forgive him, I know I shouldn't forgive him, but...
I sighed.
In an instant, he could hear his breathing choked in his ears, and his eyes seemed to be lightly tapped by Buddha's fingers, and they lit up like a daigo. Clear, but very hot, like a torch burning through a prairie prairie, the water is splendid and turbulent, making people unable to stare at it.
He slowly stretched out his other hand and covered mine inch by inch, and said softly, as if in a dream, "Miao'er, you just... did you care about me?"
"No!" I turned my head in denial.
But seeing his look darkened, my heart was filled with a layer of obscurity, and it was so painful that I couldn't help bending over and covering my chest.
"Miao'er? Miao'er! But you are not feeling well?" Aware of my movement, he loosened his grip on me tightly, and held me tightly, while gently stroking my back, while saying, "Miao'er No, no, I won't force you. Just... don't leave me again, okay?"
"Stay within the distance that I can hear and touch, can you?" The frowning eyebrows are full of piety in prayer, as if there are endless ravines that can't be told.
Those eyes, I knew I couldn't see, but I was detained in the end...
He hugged me tightly, "I won't make you sad and disappointed again."