From the time when the young man was willing to get in touch with him, now he deliberately avoids his touch. As long as he is not a fool, he can more or less notice the difference, let alone Jiang Lishan, who is good at reading people's hearts.
But Jiang Lishan could understand his escape and resistance, but he didn't understand where such emotions came from.
Is it because you simply don't like men, that's why you hate his touch? But when Mingming kissed him before, the young man didn't show any disgust, on the contrary, he still liked it very much.
A person's eyes and body reactions cannot lie.
This was true then, and it is true now, so the youth's resistance to him at this time is also true.
Jiang Lishan's heart was a little heavy, so he stopped getting too close to the young man, and followed his wishes, deliberately keeping a certain distance before he was far away.
Silence and evasion gradually creep between the two, encroaching on their original intimacy.
And the weather these days seems to be in line with people's mood, becoming gloomy, the sun can't be seen all day, and occasionally some needle-like raindrops will fall.
The rain is not heavy, but it can pour people's mood like the wet ground-the face is full of tears.
After Jiang Lishan got up, he glanced at the weather today, lowered his eyes and walked into the kitchen. After thinking about it, he took out the kneaded bread balls and put them in the oven to make toast for the young man.
When you can't laugh, eating sweets can make you feel better.
After Su Jinzhi washed up, he pulled the bear-print pajamas and pulled the corners of his lips. He walked out of the bedroom and sat on a chair to wait for Jiang Lishan's breakfast.
But when he saw Jiang Lishan bringing up the bread poured with amber honey, a few sporadic images suddenly flashed in his mind, very fragmented, very mixed, passing in an instant, so fast that there was no trace left behind.
"Have you been in a bad mood recently?" Seeing the young man staring at the bread in his hand and refusing to eat it, Jiang Lishan thought he was worried and sulked again, so he asked him in a warm voice.
Su Jinzhi suddenly came back to his senses, cleared out the messy images in his mind, and looked up at the man. In addition to caring, there was also careful probing in his eyes—probing what level of caring would not let him escape.
Su Jinzhi couldn't help feeling sour, presumably Jiang Lishan had discovered his evasion in the past few days, right
He opened his mouth, wanting to explain, but couldn't say anything.
At night, Su Jinzhi was lying on the bed, the warm yellow bedside lamp was very cozy, but he felt very cold.
He and Jiang Lishan were still sleeping together, with their backs to their backs, and there was a large space in the middle, and the cold night in late autumn lay in that blank space, making him shiver with cold.
Su Jinzhi was very sad, he wanted to cry, but he had to bear it, because Jiang Lishan would find out.
He asked number one: "Can I really not be with him?"
"No." No. 1's voice was cold, but Su Jinzhi knew that it was only because it didn't have any emotions, but compared with the original one, it had become much softer, so it explained to Su Jinzhi, "It's not always No, after he wakes up, you can be together forever."
"But he is sad, I can feel it." Su Jinzhi clenched the quilt tightly, "I can't control myself, I really want to hug him..."
No. 1 said indifferently: "If you are together, he will die."
No. 1 said this sentence to Jiang Lishan before, after their first meeting when they reunited.
The gray-eyed man sat on the black stone and looked at his beloved from afar: "He doesn't remember me."
"Um."
"What do you mean 'um'?"
"It means I know he doesn't remember you."
"But I still remember, I still love him..." the man murmured in a low voice. "I can't help myself, I want to hug him..."
Number one told him: "If you are together, he will die."
Su Jinzhi listened to No. 1 warning him, his eyes were sour, and finally he couldn't hold it back, but he was careful not to make any sound, so as not to alarm Jiang Lishan.
He couldn't help thinking, is this Jiang Lishan's revenge on him
How similar it was to the way they used to get along, two people in love who couldn't touch each other, or the other would die.
Su Jinzhi's eyelashes trembled, and tears flowed down the side of his face onto the pillow, pressing against his face coolly.
This night, his dream was clearer than before, and it was a continuation of the last dream. In the dream, he could see the grown man's face clearly, and he could also see the backyard outside the small house.
But this time he was not a participant, but turned back to a bystander. He looked at the tall adult man holding a knife and gouging out the tormenting young man's arm. He seemed very handsome and angry: "I told you Steal! Do you know how important that chip is!"
When he yelled, Su Jinzhi realized that there was a small thumb-sized stainless steel iron box beside the boy. Although he hadn't opened it, according to what the man said, it should contain a chip.
"Dad...I was wrong...Dad!" The young man begged for mercy with tears all over his face, but the man was still unyielding, and even took the small sharp iron box and stuffed it into the place where the young man's arm was cut open.
"Hahaha, I don't think there is a place to hide this thing. Do you want to steal it? Just hide it in your hand, okay?"
More blood flowed from the wound ravaged by the iron box, dripping onto the dark sandalwood floor. The young man cried so much that he almost fainted, but he could only beg for mercy: "Father..."
Su Jinzhi suddenly woke up from his dream. As soon as he moved, the man lying next to him sat up immediately, as if he had never fallen asleep, and put a hand on his shoulder lightly: "Jinzhi? Are you having a nightmare again? "
The emotion of the young man in the dream seemed to be brought out, it was very painful, or maybe it was his own emotion, Su Jinzhi opened his mouth and let out a weak sob.
Jiang Lishan pressed his shoulder directly to force him to turn around, then hugged him, pressed his head on his shoulder, softly pressed his lips against his ear and comforted him: "It's okay, it was just a dream..."
However, Su Jinzhi still felt his heart was beating fast, his temples were throbbing, and the suffocation in his chest made him uncomfortable. He opened his mouth wide to breathe, and a large amount of air poured into his lungs, but it could not relieve the suffocation in his chest. It can only make him need more and more oxygen.
He opened his mouth, wanting to call out the man's name: "Ginger..."
Jiang Lishan hugged him at first to coax him, but later he realized that something was wrong with the young man in his arms, he was panting rapidly, he quickly let go to check the young man's condition, he saw the young man with his mouth open, his lips turned purple, hugging him His fingers were unnaturally stiff, and his whole body was twitching convulsively. At first glance, he seemed to be suffering from asthma, but he couldn't hear the wheezing sound when he approached him.
After all, Jiang Lishan was only a psychiatrist, and he couldn't figure out the young man's situation for a while, so he quickly helped him to sit on the bed, and called the people in the hospital.
The people from the hospital soon came over. Jiang Lishan carried Su Jinzhi out and carefully put him on the stretcher. When the two nurses were pushing the stretcher into the car, they were stopped by the doctor. He held the young man With his hand, his fingers touched the young man's throat again, and the nurse brought a plastic bag and put it in front of the young man's nose.
Jiang Lishan frowned and asked him, "What are you doing?"
"It's okay." The doctor told him to be calm, "It's just alkalemia, just let him take it easy."
Although the doctor said so, Jiang Lishan's eyes were still fixed on the young man on the stretcher, his brows were wrinkled, and his expression was serious.
However, the young man did exactly as he said, and after a few minutes, he gradually calmed down. Seeing this, the doctor took off the plastic bag, glanced at the identical bear-print pajamas on both of them, and asked Jiang Lishan, "What are you doing?" How is the treatment going?"
"Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
The doctor said: "His blood potassium is low, and his mood swings are too high, which will cause alkalemia."
Jiang Lishan remained silent with a cold face.
The doctor said again: "I'll give him some water later, and buy some bananas and dates for him tomorrow."
"En." Jiang Lishan responded, and sent the doctor and nurse away.
Although Su Jinzhi was panting like he was about to die just now, his limbs were numb, and the numbness gradually spread to his whole body, but his consciousness was clear, and he could vaguely hear some of the conversation between the doctor and Jiang Lishan.
And when he opened his eyes, he couldn't help but turn red when he saw Jiang Lishan's bear pajamas that were exactly the same as his, and whispered: "Doctor Jiang..."
The man walked to the edge of the bed with a glass of water and sat down, carefully helped him up and gave him water: "Is it better?"
Su Jinzhi was limp and weak, but he got better after drinking the water. He leaned on the pillow and panted for a while and asked Jiang Lishan, "Doctor Jiang, what's wrong with me?"
He heard the word alkalemia.
However, Jiang Lishan didn't tell him, but just patted his head and said: "It's nothing, you just got scared by having a nightmare."
This was perfunctory coaxing, but it was night and No. 1 was away, so Su Jinzhi could only wait for the next day to ask, and let out a depressed "Oh".
But after it was over, Su Jinzhi found that the distance between him and Jiang Lishan had returned to the previous intimacy, and the man didn't know why, he didn't get up immediately after he woke up, and kept a distance from him.
"What's wrong with you these days?" Jiang Lishan asked him again the question he asked him at the dinner table in the morning, "Is it because I don't let you see Ai Shuai, so you are unhappy?"
"No..." Su Jinzhi shook his head.
The man asked him again: "Why is that?"
Su Jinzhi didn't speak.
Jiang Lishan paused, then suddenly smiled and said to him: "It's because I like you, but don't you like me?"
This was the first time that they talked about their relationship. Jiang Lishan's tone sounded very relaxed, but Su Jinzhi knew him very well and knew that there was an unobvious tension in his words.
The man was not in a hurry for him to answer, but said something else: "A man once told me a passage, he said: Everything we do now is the projection of distant planets, just like the sunlight we see now is The sunshine eight minutes ago, the you in front of me is a microsecond, the you before a flick of a finger, what I see is the you in the past, and what you see is also the me in the past, what we experienced is what a distant planet experienced many years ago Everything." Jiang Lishan turned his head and smiled at him, "In this way, before we met for the first time, we have met each other a long time ago, so I feel that it is really a great thing to meet Jinzhi again. Very lucky."
After the man finished speaking, he smiled softly again: "It must be because I have seen you before, so I fell in love with you again."
Su Jinzhi listened to his words with a slightly dazed expression. When the man finished speaking the last word, his eye sockets became sore uncontrollably, and watery rays spread from the tear ducts, blurring his vision.
Because this passage was what he said when he confessed to Jiang Lishan, it was exactly the same, without missing a single word.
But later, Jiang Lishan used this passage to block his mouth when they broke up—
"You told me that everything we do now is the projection of a distant planet. The sunlight we see now is the sunlight eight minutes ago. The you in front of me are the you who were a microsecond, a snap of a finger. I see What you see is the past you, what you see is the past me, and what we experienced is what the distant planet experienced many years ago."
"So you're breaking up now, which means we broke up before, right? So now we're starting over?" the man pressed him, "We're still not together after starting over? How many years ago did I separate from you?" Now, after so many years, I still have to separate from you, and I have to go through all the things I have experienced again, and I still can’t change anything, so what’s the point of my life?"
Su Jinzhi couldn't answer his question.
That was when they broke up for the first time, when the first generation antibody vaccine failed to inoculate him.
Humans have extremely intelligent brains, and their wisdom has convinced countless powerful alien creatures, but nothing is perfect. The biggest flaw of human beings is the short life besides the fragile body.
However, the failure of the first-generation antibody vaccine made Su Jinzhi clearly understand that apart from the difference in species, there was also a time gap between him and Jiang Lishan.
Human life is very short, how short is it
The age of the earth is more than four billion years, and the human life span is only one hundred years. If there were human beings at the beginning of the earth, then by now the human beings have passed 1.2 billion generations.
As No. 1 said, Jiang Lishan's race is very special. Compared with their endless lives, the short lives of human beings are like ephemeral mayflies in the eternal universe.
So human beings are not qualified to talk about forever.
But now, this passage was spoken by another person, but Su Jinzhi had a different feeling. He couldn't help sniffling, grabbed Jiang Lishan's hand by the bed, and whispered: "Doctor Jiang, I I like you too... "
Jiang Lishan was slightly stunned, and asked him: "What did you say?"
"I like you too. I've been avoiding you for the past few days because we can't be together." Su Jinzhi found some excuses, "I'm your patient, and if you are known, you won't have a job..."
Su Jinzhi still can't continue to keep a distance from strangers with Jiang Lishan. He has tried to keep it, but he can't change anything after repeating everything he has done. He suffers the same.
Because they parted too late.
Jiang Lishan smiled: "It's not that serious, and someone already knows about it." The pajamas of the same style as his and the youth's have been seen.
"Doctor Jiang, I'm a bit cold, can you hug me?" The young man stretched out his hand to gently hold his, and the coolness from his fingertips brought Jiang Lishan back to his senses. He was silent for a while, then raised his hand to hug the young man tightly.
With his eyes closed, he took a breath of the young man's breath, and Jiang Lishan said, "Sleep, I'll hold you."
Su Jinzhi curled up in his arms, selfishly hoping that the dawn would not come so soon, he didn't want to respond to No. 1's question, he just wanted to enjoy the closeness with Jiang Lishan at this moment; but he was very guilty because Jiang Lishan might get lost in the data He will never go back to the sea; he is still very confused, with the most malicious speculation in his heart: What if all this is just a punishment for himself that No. 1 colluded with him
— Let him bear the pain he experienced back then.
Su Jinzhi took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and tightened his arms around the man's waist. If this was really the man's punishment, he would admit it; if it wasn't, and he couldn't wake the man up in the end, then he would Get lost in the sea of data with him.
The night was still very long, maybe because Jiang Lishan's embrace was too warm, Su Jinzhi woke up in the middle of the night for the first time and went back to sleep again.
However, his dream continued, continuing the scene of the young man crying on the ground and begging for mercy from the dream in the first half of the night.
However, that man continued his inhumane deeds as if he couldn't hear his cries.
"Dad, Dad..." The young man on the ground gasped with difficulty and hurriedly, his fingers spasmed abnormally, and his whole body collapsed like a bow that needed to be loosened. After uttering these words with difficulty, he could no longer speak. , twitching and falling to the ground.
Su Jinzhi looked at the original body in the dream, and always felt that his appearance was very similar to the alkalemia Jiang Lishan mentioned.
The man was taken aback by the boy's sudden reaction, and immediately threw away the knife in his hand, kicked him, and muttered: "Little bastard...what are you pretending..."
But the young man still fell to the ground convulsing and convulsing, his breathing was short, his lips turned white, as if he would die in the next moment. A few minutes later, the young man was still panting on the ground. Finally, the man couldn't sit still anymore. He walked over and pushed him, helped him up, and gave him water to drink: "Hey, what's wrong with you?"
Although he doesn't want to see this son, he doesn't want him to die, because what he does needs to be kept secret, and he can't find a second free nanny who doesn't dare to resist him and let him be beaten and scolded, and he can't guarantee that the nanny is Not the police or other undercover agents of the enemy.
After drinking the water he handed over, the young man gasped for a while leaning against the foot of the cupboard before recovering, holding the water cup and sobbing softly, the man seemed not to see him crying like a woman, stood up and pushed He paused and said impatiently: "If you don't go crazy, go to the backyard to chop firewood."
Winter is coming, the ground in the backyard is covered with a thick layer of snow, the ax and firewood are all messily placed aside, the young man wiped the tears from his face, stood up from the ground with trembling legs, and hastily wrapped the cloth in his hand. Wrapping the wound on his hand, he put on antifreeze gloves and hurried to the backyard to chop wood—he dared not resist the words of the man in the house.
Because the result of resistance is pain, the kind of pain that can drive people crazy, he is very afraid.
Seeing the young man fleeing to the backyard like a cowardly rabbit, the man swears and swears and walks towards the kitchen. The young man says that the meal is ready.
But when the man looked at a table of bread, steamed buns, cakes and other fermented and fluffy food, the anger provoked in his heart by the young man stealing chips was revived—is this table of things rice? No rice! No meat! No food!
The young man had let him eat bread and steamed buns for several days. He warned the young man yesterday not to make these things again, but he still didn't listen!
The man's eyes were wide open with anger, and his chest heaved rapidly. He was not a good-tempered person in the first place, but now he overturned a table of food with his hand, and walked towards the backyard angrily.
When Su Jinzhi looked at the soft bread lying on the ground with the broken porcelain pieces, he finally remembered where those scattered memories came from.
The young man in the courtyard was about to chop wood with an axe, but he had just suffered an illness, his limbs still had the feeling of numbness, his body was limp and weak, and the axe had just been lifted to his waist before it let go and fell down.
The young man looked at the ax on the ground in distress, and then at the pile of firewood beside him. He was standing under the tree, and a snowflake on the tree branch was blown off by the wind and landed on the back of his neck, making him shiver from the cold. After a while, the sound of a porcelain bowl falling and hitting the ground suddenly came from inside the wooden house. He looked towards the wooden door in panic, knowing that the man was angry and was about to come out and beat him again.
The snowflakes on the back of his neck melted, and the cold liquid flowed down his neck and into his clothes, chilling deep into his heart. His face was full of tears, and he watched the wooden door being kicked open. The man held a bottle of wine in his hand. bottle, walking towards him angrily with wide-eyed eyes.
Like every beating in the past, his life was like winter, cold and dark with no end in sight.
The blood on his arm couldn't stop, the blood drenched his sleeves, it was a little heavy, more cold, he couldn't help but hugged his arms, and sobbed softly: "It's so cold..."
Su Jinzhi shuddered and woke up from the cold.
The dark clouds outside seemed unable to bear the gloom for many days, and finally a heavy rain fell on this day, but Su Jinzhi looked at the gloomy sky outside, his body and spirit were extremely refreshed.
"Are you awake?" No. 1 said coldly, "Explain why you hugged each other to sleep again."
Su Jinzhi pretended to be dumb and said after a while: "I love him..."
It was too late for them to separate. If he had kept a distance from Jiang Lishan and refused to accept any closeness from him when he first came to this world, then it would be too late.
But the time for them to separate is when they both have a good impression of each other - once they have experienced the beauty of being in love, they cannot bear the pain of being separated again.
I just don’t long for freedom from now on, I want to push away the land, the sky, and all the air, push away everything, I just want to put you into my territory, I just want to put you into my body.
Su Jinzhi originally thought that No. 1 would scold him head and face, scolding him, "If you love him, you should stay away from him, don't let him indulge in this world, he will die", "What qualifications do you have to decide his death?" class", but No. 1 didn't say anything, just sighed for a long time, and finally said: "I really don't understand you."
It emphasized: "You carbon-based organisms are too difficult to understand."
Sometimes No. 1 has to sigh, Jiang Lishan and Su Jinzhi are indeed a pair, they say exactly the same thing, they warn exactly the same, neither of them wants to listen, it and No. 0 don’t understand, why they can get over it just by bearing it things, but I can't help it.
At that time, it advised Jiang Lishan not to enter the data world, it is very dangerous, anyway, your life is very long, wait for the youth to wake up. But Jiang Lishan, who had been waiting for hundreds of years, couldn't wait for these incomparably short few years.
Both Su Jinzhi and Jiang Lishan said that it was only because it and No. 0 were not carbon-based organisms, and they were not the same species, so they didn't understand such strong feelings.
"If you want to be together, be together." Number One said.
Su Jinzhi froze for a moment, and asked it: "Don't you object?"
"It's just a way to prevent him from indulging in this world, and it can't wake him up." No. 1 generously admitted its mistake, and joked with Su Jinzhi with great interest, "Maybe it's better for you to love each other. When He and Zero take you away, he might be reluctant and want to go with you."
"Even if it can't." No. 1 paused, and the electromechanical male voice that came out was as cold and emotionless as ever, "No. 0 and I will help you find other ways."
Su Jinzhi pursed his lips and thanked it: "Thank you."
No. 1 said: "You're welcome. When you wake up, remember to replace No. 0 and me with a better mechanical host. Now this antique machine is very difficult to use."
Su Jinzhi smiled, remembering how No. 1 and No. 0 complained to him before that they used antique robots with a star calendar of 2,500 years. But soon he remembered the dream last night and the three words the doctor mentioned, so he asked No. 1, "What is alkalosis?"