For Gu Yansheng's kiss, Shen Kanyu's reaction was almost collapsed.
He didn't let Gu Yansheng hold him quietly like a puppet like before. He trembled violently in his arms, as if he wanted to shatter his lonely and thin bones, and then he began to struggle, even though he exerted all his strength, Even the strength of breathing was used to struggle, which was too weak to be worth mentioning to Gu Yansheng.
It was the first time Tang Xiu saw Shen Kanyu's reaction so violently, he didn't know what to do for a while, Gu Yansheng glanced at him and signaled him to leave first.
Tang Xiu sighed, and said softly, "Don't scare him out of his wits, he can't be saved. I'm right at the door, call me if you need anything."
Gu Yansheng didn't respond any more, but carefully wrapped Shen Kanyu in his arms, calling his name softly.
Shen Kanyu stopped struggling, trembling in his arms like chaff, then suddenly lowered his head, and bit his arm hard with all his strength.
He didn't know where he got the strength, and where he got the courage to bite himself like this. In an instant, Gu Yansheng saw blood oozing from the blue and white hospital gown.
"Don't bite, don't bite," Gu Yansheng hoarsely, almost begging him, "You can bite me, don't hurt yourself, okay?"
Shen Kanyu let go of his blood-oozing arm, covered his ears with force, curled up into a ball and said vaguely and confusedly: "Wake up, wake up...wake up..."
He has developed severe cognitive impairment, and he often cannot distinguish between dreams, reality, and memories.
Sometimes when he saw the steaming soup and porridge, he would suddenly lift the quilt and want to get out of bed, saying that he was going to knead the flour for egg yolks, otherwise it would be too late for Tiantian to make it before returning home from school.
Sometimes when he saw Gu Yansheng walking out of the ward, he would sneak behind him, saying that there were many little villains on the way from school, and he wanted to protect his A Sheng well, and beat them until they couldn't lift their heads.
Sometimes he peeled an orange for Gu Yansheng, and Gu Yansheng took it and ate it. After a while, he would tell Tang Xiu with crooked eyes, Brother Axiu, I had a very good dream. I dreamed that Asheng ate it and I peeled it. He didn't think the oranges were dirty, and he ate them happily.
He thought he was crazy to dream of Gu Yansheng kissing him. If he knew that he was having such a dream, he would definitely feel disgusted.
When Gu Yansheng is not around, he will miss him very much, and he will have such a dream almost every day, and then when he comes back, he will tease him with a playful smile, saying Asheng, Asheng, I dreamed that you kissed me again last night , When will my dream come true
Gu Yansheng looked at him coldly, the disgust in his eyes could no longer be concealed: Are you disgusting
Shen Kanyu's face was pale, but he still smiled and said: "It's not disgusting, we are all married, and we should kiss every day when we are married."
Later, once, he mustered up his courage, and while Gu Yansheng was concentrating on looking at the laptop, he sneaked up to him and wanted to kiss him.
Just when he was about to touch him, Gu Yansheng woke up like a dream, almost as if he saw a poisonous snake, and pushed him away with all his strength.
His back hit the raised hard armrest of the wooden sofa, and the piercing pain trembled from his vest to his heart. He trembled a bit, and a fishy sweetness rushed to his throat, which he swallowed with difficulty.
Enduring the unbearable pain in his heart, he raised his head and smiled at Gu Yansheng with difficulty, only to see him frowning and vigorously wiping his face with a tissue.
He smiled and said softly to him: "A Sheng, I haven't touched yours yet, don't be so hard, it's cold and you'll scratch your face."
Gu Yansheng threw the ball of paper into the trash can, looked at the painful look on his pale face with a livid face, and said coldly: "Just remember the pain, don't do this again in the future."
Shen Kanyu still laughed, but his voice became lower and lower: "I know, I know, after this kind of thing, I will just... just dream."
Gu Yansheng sneered and said, "It's up to you, but please don't say it to disgust me, I'm very grateful."
"… okay, I get it."
At that time, Shen Kanyu's heart was not in good condition, and he often suffered from the pain in the middle of the night, so that he was covered in cold sweat and could not sleep. Supporting the floor silently, he moved behind the sofa.
The chest was swollen and stuffy, and the heat was squeezed to the throat. Shen Kanyu opened his mouth and bit his dark black sleeve, coughed muffledly, and vomited blood from the sleeve.
Gu Yansheng's icy voice seemed to come from far away: "Go to the hospital if you have a cold. Tiantian will not recover easily once she catches a cold, so don't pass it on to her."
"Did you hear that?"
"Hey," Shen Kanyu took the time to respond when he was vomiting, and got up from the ground in a hurry, "I heard, let's go, right away."
He was afraid that Gu Yansheng would come and chase him away personally, so while repeating "I'll go right away, I'll go right away", he hurriedly wiped away the blood that accidentally dripped on the ground, and then staggered left the house and rushed to the hospital.
That time he almost lost his life, and the suffocating pain made him feel like he was on the verge of death. He felt very scared, not because he was afraid that he would die, but because he was afraid that he would not be able to take care of Asheng and Tiantian anymore.
He knew he was wrong, and he would never do that again.
Really know wrong.
I knew I was wrong, why, I still had this dream again.
He bit his hand hard until the skin was bleeding, hoping that he would wake up quickly, but he never did.
Gu Yansheng didn't know what Shen Kanyu thought of again, he only knew that his intentional or unintentional injuries had been etched into his body forever, the old wounds were still oozing blood, and the new wounds had been mercilessly engraved Going up, it has been superimposed over the years, and there is still no way to fully heal, and it is always bloody and ferociously turned outwards, and it is heart-piercing pain when touched.
He gently pulled down the hand covering his ears, held it in his palm, and pulled it over to put it on his heart: "You are not dreaming, it is me, I am here. Feel it, it is hot here..."
Shen Kanyu felt Gu Yansheng's warm chest and lively heartbeat, stared blankly at Gu Yansheng holding his hand, the light in his hollow gray eyes trembled, and faintly regained some clarity.
"It's not... a dream." He murmured.
Gu Yansheng stroked his hard and pale fingers reassuringly, sighed and repeated softly: "Well, it's not a dream."
Shen Kanyu still stared blankly at his hands, and after a while he frowned and said distressedly: "A Sheng's hands... are so cold. Is it... cold outside?"
Gu Yansheng was stunned for a moment, then smiled and squeezed his hand even tighter: "It's very cold, please help me warm."
Shen Kanyu pulled his hand out and murmured, "Wait for me, wait for me."
He pulled out a bag from under the pillow, held it in front of Gu Yansheng and opened it. Inside was a brand new hot water bottle, still packed in plastic, which was obviously different from the one he used before. It was much bigger, and there was a layer of soft flannel on the outside. Wrapped, it is a very positive royal blue color, and it feels very warm just by looking at it.
"This... I haven't opened it yet, it's very clean. A Sheng, you are afraid of being hot. There is this flannelette on the outside of it, so it won't be too hot. If you fill it with hot water and hug it, it won't be cold," he didn't wait for Gu Yansheng I came to pick it up, but I put it on his hand with some helplessness, "I know you... don't like the things I bought, but, it's too cold in winter, I'm afraid you will catch a cold. I... I'll help you fill some hot water, you try Can you use it for a while?"
Gu Yansheng picked up the hot water bottle, kneaded it twice, and said with a smile, "I like it very much. But I'm too lazy to fill it with hot water now, so your hands are very warm."
While Shen Kanyu was looking at him ignorantly, he held his hand firmly again: "Just let me warm up for a while, and I'll pour hot water later."
Shen Kanyu lowered his eyelashes in a daze, blushed slightly, and said hello obediently.
Gu Yansheng approached him and stroked his soft hair: "Do you still feel like I'm dreaming now? Huh?"
Shen Kanyu didn't answer, just lowered his head and tried hard to think about many things, but his thoughts were drifting up and down, he couldn't grasp anything, and finally raised his head and smiled at him palely and timidly, without any meaning I just want to smile at him.
Gu Yansheng thought of Shen Kan'ao in the past, sneaking behind his buttocks on the small road full of rapeseed flowers, every time he noticed it and turned to stare at him and scold him, he was not guilty at all, and greeted him with a playful smile. Come up and tell him triumphantly how many punks he has scared away who tried to bully him.
He smiled at him facing the light, behind him was a field of golden rapeseed flowers, his eyes shimmered with dazzling colors, and also contained the most dazzling Gu Yansheng in his life, making him as fresh as early spring The sun is warm and bright.
Gu Yansheng told him not to laugh like this all the time, it was very annoying.
Shen Kanyu still smiled and said: "When you see someone you like, you have to smile at him so that he will be happy. When my parents smile at me, I am super happy...because they like me very much, and so does my brother."
Listening to his confusing logic, Gu Yansheng felt that he was talking nonsense or even making trouble out of no reason. He never thought that he himself hadn't figured out the relationship, no one taught him, and no one said he liked him. He groped for it himself in a daze, and then used it to please him in a daze.
He was confused, but he sincerely gave his heart to him, but was trampled in the mud by him.
He forgot which day it was, Shen Kanyu cooked a table of good dishes for him to come back, and pestered him who had already had dinner with a smile, asking him to try a few mouthfuls, he studied new dishes today.
He couldn't bear it and said to him: "Don't laugh, I'm annoying."
"Ah? Annoying, annoying?" He scratched his head, lowered his eyelashes, and responded in a low voice, "Oh."
Perhaps from then on, or earlier, Shen Kanyu's smile began to change. When he smiles, he always flatters him cautiously, and there is no such dazzling light and color in his eyes anymore.
Until now, become pale and cowardly, and just smile so
He lowered his head evasively, twisted the corner of his clothes silently, and was in a daze.
Gu Yansheng caressed his neck, only to feel that it was slender and cold, so thin that it was skinny and fragile, as if it would break if touched.
Shen Kanyu trembled, raised his head to look at him hastily: "A Sheng?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know that it would scare you so much," Gu Yansheng said softly, and smiled gently and seductively, "Next time if I want to kiss you, I will ask your permission first. Is that okay?"
Shen Kanyu blinked blankly, the faint pink on his face quietly spread to the base of his ears, he lowered his head in embarrassment, not daring to look at him again.
Gu Yansheng thought of his previous look of being fearless and full of trash talk, he didn't know if he had become less timid now or he was just a paper tiger who opened his eyes and talked nonsense in the past, so nonchalant, it made him feel funny and distressed.
"By the way," Gu Yansheng kept stroking the soft hair on the back of his neck, lovingly, "I took Tiantian over."
Shen Kanyu was stunned for a moment: "Why...how did you bring her to the hospital? There are so many bacteria here, her resistance is not good, she is easy to get sick."
Gu Yansheng was inexplicably relieved when he heard that he would complain about himself, and rubbed his head with a smile: "Don't worry, my mother is taking her to eat at the nearby restaurant. Besides, no matter how bad the resistance is , It’s not like coming to the hospital to see Dad and then getting sick.”
"No... It's hard to be sick this season, and she's so young, A Sheng, don't let her in," Shen Kanyu insisted, "She definitely doesn't want to come here, but she's too clingy to you. You... have been... Run to the hospital, she must miss you very much."
Gu Yansheng laughed: "No..."
"Asheng, can you spend more time with her when you have time? I don't have anything to do here. You don't have to come here all the time. It's very tiring. You can spend more time with her...cough" Shen Kanyu took a deep breath and grabbed Gu Yansheng With eyes full of longing, he said, "Also—I, can I go out...to see her? I'll just see her outside the restaurant... is that okay?"
Gu Yansheng didn't speak, just looked at him silently, the helplessness and pity in his eyes turned into a pool of tenderness.
"No, it's okay if you can't, I..."
Shen Kanyu "I" for a long time and "I" can't come up with a reason, Gu Yansheng sighed, took him into his arms, and whispered in his ear: "Are you stupid?"
"… ah?"
"It was she who made a noise and wanted to come to you."