"Are you a virgin?"
When He Xian asked this, Lin Sitao felt like he had been cheated.
"Pass." he said.
He Xian said: "That's a virgin."
Lin Sitao said: "No."
He Xian said, "Okay, I get it, that's it. It's your turn to ask questions."
Lin Sitao asked: "How did you find out that you like men?"
He Xian thought for a moment and said, "It's too long. I won't tell you. Pass."
Lin Sitao protested again. He Xian blamed him for asking a bad question: "You shouldn't ask subjective descriptive questions. There is too much room for creativity."
This time Lin Sitao refused: "Then we can't play this game anymore. Any answer can be considered creative, and we don't know if it's true or not. At least you have a truth in your mind, right?"
He insisted on hearing how He Xian "awakened".
He Xian then said, "I have known since I was a child that men can be together. Once I knew this concept, it was easy for me to accept it. I was sure of my sexual orientation when I was about twelve or thirteen years old, when I was in junior high school. I remembered it - and by the way, I can answer your question about your first love. I fell in love with a classmate at that time, and we hung out together every day, but he soon got a girlfriend. When I was in high school, this idiot got his girlfriend pregnant, and I was completely disillusioned."
He concluded: "I believe there are a small number of people who have wonderful first loves. But generally speaking, first loves are meant to be shattered."
Lin Sitao couldn't help but laughed out loud.
He Xian also laughed. Lin Sitao felt that he had a better understanding of what "cute" meant. He now thought He Xian was quite cute.
"After you become disillusioned, will you still be friends with him?" Lin Sitao asked He Xian.
He Xian said, "How is that possible? But it wasn't like an elementary school student saying 'I don't want to play with you anymore'. We just became distant. Maybe he felt that he couldn't play with me anymore. I didn't hear much from him afterwards."
Lin Sitao stopped talking.
He Xian had a smile on his face, as if he was recalling a lot of old things.
Lin Sitao said: "Why don't you ask about my first love?"
He Xian flatly refused: "I don't want to. This topic is too disgusting."
He Xian took him to a lake in the suburbs to fish. The air and environment were very good. It had snowed in winter, and there was a kind of tranquility and calmness in the bleakness of the world that made people's hearts move.
He Xian rented a small house here with several rooms. It was not far from the lake, and he could watch birds and enjoy the scenery on the second floor. He settled Lin Sitao here.
"You read here and I'll go fishing. When you need a break, you can come out for a walk and find me by the lake." He Xian made arrangements while sorting out his fishing gear.
"Wait for me to come back for lunch at noon. I should be able to catch a lot of fish." He put on his boots and a hat, like a fisherman who had to support his family.
Lin Sitao sat under the window, looking out from time to time. At around ten o'clock, he went to the kitchen to boil a pot of hot water. When the water boiled, he stood on the balcony and could clearly see He Xian's back. At this time, the sun had risen completely, and the lake was sparkling. He Xian was sitting by the lake alone, but he was not lonely.
After boiling the water, Lin Sitao put it in a large thermos and walked to the lake with the bottle.
He Xian heard Lin Sitao's footsteps and did not turn back.
"I'm so arrogant that I can't read, and I'm just fishing in the mist. Every time I come here, I want to experience this feeling."
Lin Sitao asked: "Do you understand?" He thought, there are countless people in the world who fight hard to become a marquis.
He Xian said sadly: "It's still a little short."
Lin Sitao put down the thermos and said gently, "You can feel it if you wear one less piece of clothing."
He Xian laughed.
At noon, He Xianzhen brought back a bucket of wild crucian carp.
"Release all the small fish. These two big fish will be used to make soup at noon, and the other two will be braised." He Xian also called a nearby farm and asked them to send some vegetables over.
In less than twenty minutes, someone came over on an electric bike with a bag of vegetables.
Lin Sitao didn't know how to kill fish, so He Xian killed the fish himself and scraped off the scales neatly. The vegetables, rice and noodles had just arrived. The two worked side by side in the kitchen.
After lunch, Lin Sitao and He Xian went for a walk together. They met an elderly couple who came to see birds and took the wrong road. He Xian pointed them in the right direction.
After coming back, Lin Sitao kept reading. He Xian went fishing again. The afternoons in winter are short. It was dark before five o'clock. He Xian called Lin Sitao to come down and watch the sunset.
The sun sank into the lake, the sky changed color, and the universe seemed to melt above their heads.
In this magical moment, people are always inexplicably moved. Lin Sitao felt that He Xian standing beside him at this moment was a miracle in itself. The past, present, and future seemed to intersect. What he had dreamed of in the past and would miss in the future had all come true at this moment.
He made up his mind. He wanted He Xian. No matter what He Xian did to him, he wanted He Xian.
In the evening, he made a phone call while He Xian was taking a shower.
Xu Dan is extremely busy. She is getting married next May and she has to work during the week. She only has time to prepare for the wedding on her days off. As soon as she received Lin Sitao's call, she wailed, "I'm going crazy. I still haven't bought so many things. I'm going crazy."
She complained a bit before asking Lin Sitao what was going on. They were still in touch, but mostly online, and would only call when there was something to be arranged and confirmed.
Lin Sitao said: "I want to ask you, how to chase the person you like."
Xu Dan screamed. She had always been curious about Lin Sitao's love life. In high school, everyone thought she was Lin Sitao's girlfriend, but she was the only one who knew what was going on. In college, Lin Sitao went to a prestigious university in Beijing, while she studied at a second-tier university in her own province. She always thought that Lin Sitao would suddenly have a girlfriend in Beijing. But Lin Sitao never did.
"You... wait, tell me what kind of person he is first." Xu Dan calmed down and started gossiping.
Lin Sitao thought for a moment and said, "She is older than me and looks very good."
"Over thirty?" Xu Dan asked.
Lin Sitao said: "About thirty-six years old."
Xu Dan almost spit out a mouthful of water: "Are you going to be a little wolf dog?" This gossip was too explosive, she quickly asked: "Is she still beautiful at the age of 36?"
Lin Sitao said: "That's not the point. The problem is that he comes from a wealthy family and he is my boss at work."
Xu Dan said: "Well, you just want to be a little wolfdog."
Lin Sitao was not disturbed by her: "The question is, how can I catch up with someone who is so powerful that I can be crushed by him?"
Xu Dan asked: "Has she ever been married?"
Lin Sitao said: "No. But he has an ex-boyfriend. One of his ex-boyfriends is a TV anchor."
Xu Dan exclaimed again: "So fashionable. Who is it? Do I know him?"
Xu Dan's suggestion was straightforward: "It's very simple. Just do it like her ex-boyfriend. People's tastes are actually the same. Since her ex-boyfriend is a TV anchor, you should be able to see him on TV often, right? Just learn from him. The way he dresses, his hairstyle, his conversation and his temperament. Just imitate him three or five times and you'll be good enough. Then be attentive and say sweet words to him. If you keep trying, you'll have a chance."
Lin Sitao listened to the sound of running water in the bathroom and said, "Now I don't know what he is thinking. We had a meal together once, and he praised me for being cute. Today he also took me out for a short trip..."
Xu Dan interrupted him and said weakly, "I'm already traveling, and you still call me to ask me what to do? Please stop pretending."
Lin Sitao said: "He is taking a shower."
Xu Dan said, "Now, don't say anything. Hang up the phone. Take off your clothes and go in."
Lin Sitao said: "He didn't mean that. I think he just treats me as a playmate with whom he can have some fun."
He was a little unsure of the scale.
Xu Dan understood a little: "I know. The other party is just pretending."
Lin Sitao said: "And I don't want to start with a sex/friend relationship."
Xu Dan said: "Then you have to understand that this is a dilemma. Either you start as a sex partner, or you are always positioned as a cute little brother. There is such a big age gap between you and the other person, and you are not stunningly handsome, so it is difficult for the other person to be obsessed with you."
She said, "I'm not trying to scare you. She's a beautiful lady in her thirties, she comes from a very good family, she's very rich and capable, she won't be short of men. I guess there are already a lot of substitutes. If you don't go now, don't come and cry to me if you miss your chance."
Lin Sitao hung up the phone.
He Xian came out of the bathroom. Lin Sitao was sitting by the bed. When he saw him coming out, he stood up and said, "I'm going to take a shower."
He entered the bathroom. The heat in the bathroom had not yet dissipated, and the mirror was covered with white mist. Lin Sitao vaguely felt as if this scene had happened once before.
He struggled with his conscience for a long time, but finally took a shower and put on his pajamas before going out.
He Xian was fiddling with a pair of high-power binoculars. When he saw Lin Sitao coming out of the shower, he said, "Go to bed early tonight and get up early tomorrow to watch the birds. It's great that there is no haze here." He smiled brightly and seemed to be in a good mood.
Lin Sitao had no way to deal with him and could only say, "Okay."
It is also a very happy thing to play with He Xian like this.
At night, Lin Sitao dreamed of the past again. It was strange. Poverty and distress still haunted him. He Xian became a character on TV and never really appeared in his life.
"Lin Sitao." Someone woke him up. He Xian was standing in front of his bed, leaning over and stroking his hair.
Lin Sitao stared at him blankly: "He Xian." It was the first time he called He Xian's name like this. He Xian smiled: "Get up quickly."
It was still dark, around five o'clock. Lin Sitao didn't want to run far, so He Xian and he put on down jackets and stood on the balcony facing the lake, each holding a telescope, the two of them standing close together.
"I can't see anything." Lin Sitao muttered.
"Impossible, you have such big eyes for nothing." He Xian said.
Lin Sitao followed his instructions and finally found the right place and saw the bird.
But he was not very interested in this, sometimes stamping his feet, sometimes going to get a cup of hot tea. Only He Xian was very serious and kept looking at it silently with the telescope.
Lin Sitao later calmed down - He Xian was more beautiful than the bird. He put down the telescope and just tilted his head to look at He Xian.
He Xian suddenly put down the telescope: "It's dawn."
There was light in the sky, and the sun was about to rise. He turned to look at Lin Sitao, who was also looking at him with his head tilted.
"What are you looking at?" He Xian asked.
Lin Sitao did not answer. In this situation, there was no need for an answer. He leaned over and gently kissed He Xian's lips.