It was a very light kiss, just the touch of lips, like a small animal's attempt to show goodwill and test.
He Xian was stunned for a moment, then he put down the telescope, held Lin Sitao's face, and kissed his lips. Lin Sitao closed his eyes, and He Xian kissed his forehead, kissed his eyes, and gave a delicate kiss to the corner of his mouth. He also gave Lin Sitao a long and gentle kiss.
Then he let go of Lin Sitao. Lin Sitao looked at him in a daze, and the cold air passed through them. He Xian smiled and stroked the back of Lin Sitao's head: "This is today's candy. Eat it up, there is no more."
Lin Sitao remained silent, looking into the distance. He was obedient, quiet and calm. He didn't act like a spoiled brat, nor did he pester He Xian for another kiss. He was even a little calm and indifferent, just like a cat that had just eaten its fill.
He Xian patted his head again without saying anything. He went back to his room to catch up on some sleep and then went fishing again.
He and Zhao Shuqing had been to this place many times. It was a good place to go out of town and relax. There were different scenery in spring, summer, autumn and winter. Zhao Shuqing liked photography. When he was fishing, he would take a SLR and take pictures slowly. They made love in the small building at night. After finishing, Zhao Shuqing would read a book for a while - this was his habit. Sometimes when he saw something interesting, he would read it to him. He Xian would get a greater satisfaction from his deep voice than going to bed.
He originally thought that this love would last until old age, until he and Zhao Shuqing were both too old to look at, so old that they would feel uncomfortable touching each other's dentures when kissing.
From the middle of last year to this year, they hardly went anywhere to play. All their time and energy were spent on the civil war. Since long-distance travel was not possible, he brought Zhao Shuqing here to find the feeling. As a result, after they did it that night, Zhao Shuqing did not read. He and He Xian lay side by side, and after a long time, he turned over and lay beside He Xian, whispering in his ear -
"He Xian, I still want a child. I must have a child."
He Xian no longer remembered what he said at that time, but he only remembered that at that moment he truly understood what "heartbroken" meant. He was not heartbroken when his parents divorced; he was not heartbroken when Zhou Qin threw him to He Bu Tong; he was not heartbroken when he saw his stepmother and brother. Zhao Shuqing made him heartbroken.
He met Zhao Shuqing more than a year after he broke up with Song You. Zhao Shuqing had just graduated with a doctorate at the time, and He Xian met him at a friend's party. The two fell in love at first sight and soon got together. They were less than 30 years old at the time.
The first year was the most passionate, the next two years were the warmest, and the fourth and fifth years were the most harmonious. Then one day, Zhao Shuqing suddenly said, "He Xian, do you want a child?"
He Xian didn't take it seriously: "You can't give birth. If you can give birth to ten or eight children for me, I have no objection." He said nonsense casually.
Zhao Shuqing said seriously: "I'm serious. I want a child. Your child, my child, it's all fine. Or we can each have one."
He Xian began to find it unfunny: "I'm not interested in your children. I'm even less interested in my own children."
Zhao Shuqing asked him, "What do you think of Mr. Jiang who had dinner with us last time?"
Teacher Jiang was a friend of Zhao Shuqing's colleague. She was nearly 30 years old, with delicate features and a good temperament. He Xian just thought it was just an ordinary gathering of friends and was not impressed by her.
Zhao Shuqing said: "I have been in contact with Teacher Jiang. She is a very nice person, smart and well-educated. She has a girlfriend, but she also wants to have a child. She is not comfortable with going to a sperm bank. If it is you or me..."
This was the first time they had a quarrel. He Xian mocked directly: "What do you think I am? A breeding boar?"
From then on, the rift grew wider.
They quarreled first, then sat down to talk. Then they quarreled again. It was a vicious cycle like hell.
Zhao Shuqing proposed several plans.
a. They each find a suitable person to marry and give birth to their own children through test tubes;
b. A marriage of convenience for He Xian, and a test-fertilization of He Xian's child;
c. A marriage of convenience with Zhao Shuqing, and a test-tube child with Zhao Shuqing;
d. No fake marriage, go abroad for IVF. The identity of the child will be discussed later.
He Xian thought every plan was the same, and he couldn't accept it. He asked Zhao Shuqing if he was too lonely. His solution was to borrow a fat and stupid husky from one of Ding Shengguang's girlfriends and bring it home to Zhao Shuqing. Zhao Shuqing immediately returned the dog to Ding Shengguang.
They tried not to quarrel and only communicated through emails. They wrote hundreds of emails in half a year, nearly 100,000 words. They tried to find a psychologist to help them mediate, but to no avail.
Finally, they realized that they would never reach a consensus unless the fundamental differences were resolved.
The disagreement was that Zhao Shuqing must have a child. For He Xian, he reluctantly gave in and said that he would be willing to adopt the child. But He Xian was determined not to have one, whether it was a blood-related child or not. He didn't want one.
Zhao Shuqing felt that he loved He Xian so much that he wanted to see his next generation and wanted to create a little copy of He Xian.
He Xian also felt that he loved Zhao Shuqing more. He loved her so much that just having Zhao Shuqing was enough.
Until the end, Zhao Shuqing said: "He Xian, I still want a child. I must have a child."
He Xian knew that they could never turn back.
He felt relieved the day he decided to break up. He finally let go, it was over, and he didn't have to get stuck in endless arguments. As Zhao Shuqing moved out, his belongings disappeared one by one, and He Xian felt weightless. After a few months, he would occasionally wake up in the middle of the night and still think of Zhao Shuqing.
What is he doing? Does he regret it? Is he losing sleep at night or is he expecting a new baby
But He Xian was not worried. This loss would pass. He only needed to endure for another fifty days, a hundred days, and he would get used to it.
As for Lin Sitao, it was just a good timing.
He Xian originally wanted to break the jar and throw it all away, to relieve his sorrow. But by some mistake, he started to play with ambiguity half-heartedly, which turned out to be a good way to relieve his loneliness.
But if Lin Sitao gets serious, it's not fair. He's so young, it's too easy to get addicted. He's no match for He Xian.
He Xian began to show some softness of heart at this time, and he thought to himself, "Playing with things will ruin one's ambition, and playing with people will ruin one's morals."
On Sunday afternoon, He Xian drove Lin Sitao home first. When they were about to part, Lin Sitao asked him, "Can we hang out together next time? Just the two of us."
He is inferior to Zhao Shuqing in every other aspect except that he is young, has a small face, and has a sense of pity that Zhao Shuqing does not have.
"Of course." He Xian softened his heart. He promised to find Lin Sitao.
Lin Sitao laughed.
At this moment, He Xian's phone rang and he picked it up. It was Ding Shengguang calling.
"Did you know that Zhao Shuqing is getting married?" Ding Shengguang asked him.
He Xian hung up the phone. He felt very upset and just wanted to talk to someone, so he said to Lin Sitao, "My ex-boyfriend is getting married."
Lin Sitao thought he was not talking about Song You, but the one who broke up with him recently. The car stopped downstairs of his house, and he asked He Xian: "Would you like to come up and sit for a while?"
He Xian didn't say no.