The author has something to say: The language of the explosion part has been reorganized.
Chapter 28
The snow is still falling.
The open space in front of the old cadre family building was covered with white snow, with a few large and small footprints. Li Zan walked through the snow with his head down, without an umbrella. Snowflakes fell all over his hair and shoulders.
He walked quickly into the corridor, not caring to brush off the snow on his body, and took a few big steps to the second floor. He stopped for a moment after turning a corner. Chen Feng was waiting at his door, wrapped in a military coat, smoking and stamping his feet in the cold.
Li Zan paused and said, "Instructor."
"I'm back." Chen Feng raised his hand and put out the cigarette butt on the snow-covered railing.
There were dim sensor lights on in the corridor, and a thin layer of snow had already fallen on the concrete floor.
"How long have you been here? You didn't even call me." Li Zan took out his key, opened the door, and turned on the light.
Chen Feng followed him into the house: "You are busy with your work, so I can't interrupt you. It doesn't matter if you wait for a while. Liangcheng is really weird this year. It's snowing at this time of year."
"It's a late spring cold." Li Zan threw the key into the bowl on the cabinet in the entrance hall, went into the living room, turned on the electric heater, and said, "Warm yourself up first, I'll make you a cup of tea."
Chen Feng sat down, rubbing his almost frozen hands on the stove, and asked, "Where's your dad?"
"He's back in Jiangcheng." Li Zan's voice came from the kitchen. "Grandpa and grandma are not in good health, so he went back to take care of them."
"If you want to transfer back to Jiangcheng, that's fine. Luo Zhan said he'll get you a civilian position there." Chen Feng said, "You still have your cadre status, so you can't be a volunteer outside forever. Don't even think about resigning, the organization won't agree."
Li Zan did not answer.
Chen Feng looked at the table in the corner of the living room. The table was piled with books, chemical analysis, circuit analysis... There were also a bunch of wires, plastics, metals, chemical powders, and small tools like scissors and tweezers.
Chen Feng felt uncomfortable.
While he was still thinking, Li Zan brought out a cup of hot tea and handed it to him.
Chen Feng took the tea and took a sip, then subconsciously glanced at the table. Before he could take a closer look, Li Zan threw a scarf on it and covered the table tightly.
Chen Feng also pretended not to see it and asked, "How is your health?"
Li Zan said, "Very good."
"Where are the ears?"
"same as usual."
He obviously didn't want to say more, and Chen Feng was speechless.
Chen Feng put down the teacup, was silent for a while, took out a cigarette and smoked it, then remembered something and handed another one to Li Zan.
Li Zan refused.
"Still not smoking?" Chen Feng smiled faintly. He remembered that Li Zan had told him that smoking was a form of mental control. He rejected this kind of control.
"Don't think too much." Li Zan said, sitting down next to him and warming himself by the fire together.
The smile on Chen Feng's face faded. He smoked a cigarette, blew out several smoke rings, and said, "I found the sealed file from Luo Zhan on September 26 last year."
Li Zan looked down at the electric heater, his rubbing hands froze for a moment, but his expression could not be seen. The snow on his hair had melted, leaving a few water stains on his clothes, and his hair was tangled together in clumps.
…
Chen Feng went to Jiangcheng to find Luo Zhan again and again, and it took him a lot of effort to see last year's top-secret files.
That day, after bomb disposal soldier Li Zan shot and killed the first female suicide bomber, the detonator was accidentally triggered. When he was escaping, he found the second male attacker.
The bomb disposal soldier rushed forward and tried to control the other party to prevent him from detonating the bomb.
The previous explosion knocked people down, and the surroundings were in a mess. The injured bomb disposal soldier wrestled with the attacker, but after a fight, he was exhausted and could not remove the bomb. Seeing that it was about to explode, the bomb disposal soldier desperately pushed the attacker into an abandoned house on the roadside, closed the door and escaped. At that moment, the bomb exploded.
The bomb disposal soldier fainted on the spot. Afterwards, the East Country military found several broken bodies in an abandoned house. When they pieced together the bodies, they found that in addition to the attacker, there was also a family of six hiding inside - a young couple, three little boys, and a little girl.
The Donggu military completely blocked the news, the peacekeeping headquarters was also kept top secret, and everything was concealed from Li Zan.
"Originally it should have been kept secret. However," Luo Zhan said, "from Li Zan's reaction after he woke up, he knew it himself."
"The place with the most blood at the scene was on the wall next to the door, which was where the family was hiding. From this, it can be inferred that when Li Zan closed the door and turned back to run out, he probably saw the family hiding next to the door, six people. Maybe he even made eye contact with them. ... But at that moment, he had no time to react, and nothing could be done."
"Perhaps the psychological impact of that moment was too great, and he was unable to make the correct response of a special forces soldier in the next moment - sprinting away, dodging diagonally, or falling to the ground. That's why he was injured so badly."
…
Chen Feng sighed: "Why don't you tell the truth to the psychiatrist? If you don't tell the truth, who can help you?"
Li Zan said, "It doesn't matter."
"You really don't care. Would you go to America to see Dr. Jackson? You still have these things on the table?"
Speechless.
Chen Feng said, "A Zan, you didn't know there was someone in that room. And if it wasn't for you, the 13 soldiers injured in the news that day would not have been injured, but dead."
But Li Zan didn't hear it, there was a buzzing sound in his head.
He lowered his head, clenched his hands tightly, frowned, and tried his best to resist the sudden wave of tinnitus.
There was a buzzing sound and a rumbling sound, which shook him so much that he lost all ability to think.
He didn't hear a word Chen Feng said.
It was not until a few minutes later that he slowly loosened his tightly clenched hands and breathed a sigh of relief. Then he heard Chen Feng say, "A-Zan, you are trying to save people."
Li Zan said: "Just because the purpose is right does not mean the result is just."
Chen Feng said: "You are too kind and soft-hearted. Sometimes I even hope that you can be a little tougher and a little more cruel."
Li Zan didn't speak for a long time, and finally said, "I am living a good life now."
After he said this, he knew that Chen Feng didn't believe it.
As for whether he believed it or not, he didn't know.
…
It snowed all night.
When I woke up in the morning, the world outside was covered in silver and was clean and white.
Li Zan rushed to the police station early to be on duty.
Today is the Lantern Festival, and it is snowing. There are few people on the streets, and the atmosphere of the whole city is a bit lazy and tired.
When we arrived at the police station, my colleagues were not very energetic. There was no urgent matter to deal with in the morning, and several police officers and assistants were sitting by the fire in the office chatting and complaining about the abnormally cold weather in Liangcheng this year and the hard work and low pay.
Li Zan was a new recruit who was specially assigned to the post. He had only been on the job for a few days and he didn't talk much, so he didn't participate in the work.
During the lunch break, several colleagues fell asleep on the table.
The office was quiet.
He was a little restless, so he went out for a walk.
Cars honked and people spoke loudly on the road.
Maybe because the air was fresh after the snow, he could hear those sounds clearly.
Li Zan walked along the way and unknowingly stopped at a familiar intersection. He looked up and saw the Liangcheng Satellite TV station building opposite him.
He stood on the side of the road, looked at the building for a while, then turned around and walked back.
Halfway through the journey, I came to an intersection and had to cross the road.
He put his hands in his pockets and waited for the red light, somewhat nonchalantly.
The traffic light turned green, and he stepped onto the sidewalk. The cold wind blew over him, and he squinted his eyes and lowered his head slightly to keep warm, and inadvertently looked back at the direction of Liangcheng Satellite TV behind him.
When I looked back, I was shocked.
Song Ran was walking towards her from the opposite side. She looked back at her back, her face was sad and lost, and when she raised her eyes again and met his gaze, she was also startled and her eyes slightly widened.
The two looked at each other, walked towards each other, and met in the middle of the road. Both of them were a little speechless.
"You..." Song Ran took his hand out of his pocket and pointed back and forth twice, but he didn't know where to point or what to say.
Li Zan smiled first and asked gently, "Why are you here?"
"I..." She couldn't say that she was out for a walk during her lunch break and accidentally walked to the Baixi Road Police Station. "I came out to meet a friend. What about you?"
"Some business."
"You..." She just opened her mouth when his expression changed slightly. He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. She staggered and almost fell into his arms, but he quickly stepped back to make room for her.
It turned out that the traffic light had changed and the vehicle behind her was speeding past.
Traffic was speeding along the wide road.
He and she stood on the yellow line in the middle of the road, like an isolated island in the sea.
For no reason, she suddenly smiled.
"What are you laughing at?" He asked softly, always looking down at her expression.
She laughed as she spoke: "We are both standing in the middle of the road, trapped. How stupid."
Li Zan looked up, then back. Across the dense traffic, people were coming and going on both sides of the road. Two large groups of pedestrians gathered on the side of the road waiting for the green light. Only the two of them were floating in the middle of the road.
He suddenly smiled and said, "Yes."
Song Ran said: "When I used to rush to catch a green light, I would sometimes get stuck in the middle of the road, and then I would feel super embarrassed. However, if two people are together..."
Her voice gradually faded away and she didn't finish her words, the last few words being swallowed up by the sound of rolling wheels.
Li Zan didn't hear clearly, lowered his head slightly, and asked, "But what?"
She looked at his face and the hearing aid next to his ear, lowered her eyes slightly, and said, "But I rarely do this, only once."
"Oh." He straightened up and nodded.
At this time, the green light on the sidewalk came on again, and the green man on the indicator light began to move his arms and legs. On both sides of the road, people surged towards him.
He and she looked at each other, and their eyes were silent for a moment.
Song Ran pointed to the roadside and said, "I'm going over there."
“Yeah.” Li Zan pointed his chin in the opposite direction and said, “I’m leaving too. … Yeah, happy Lantern Festival.”
He suddenly said this, Song Ran was stunned for a moment, then burst out laughing: "Yes, today is the Lantern Festival. Happy Lantern Festival to you too."
"Um."
Passersby passed by them. People passed by, crossing their sight. He kept his eyes fixed on her and asked, "Have you had lunch?"
…
There happened to be a nice tea restaurant at the intersection, so Li Zan and Song Ran found a seat by the window and sat down.
Li Chan handed her the menu and said, "See what you like to eat."
Song Ran looked at the menu and unconsciously poked his face with a pencil: "How about fish head stewed with angelica dahurica?"
"OK."
Song Ran ticked it and asked, "Boiled Chinese cabbage?"
"good."
"The rice here comes in a small bowl. How many bowls do you want?"
Li Zan looked at the rice on the next table and said, "Two bowls."
Song Ran wrote a "3" and said, "That's enough."
“Just two dishes?”
"I ordered too much and couldn't finish it."
Li Zan took the menu, picked out steamed spareribs with black bean sauce and lava buns, and asked, "Would you like dessert?"
Song Ran hesitated for a moment, then suddenly relaxed his brows and said, "Let's cook the glutinous rice balls with sesame paste. Today is the Lantern Festival. Let's have a happy reunion."
Li Zan originally just wanted her to have dessert, but after hearing what she said, he ordered a bowl for himself and wrote a "2".
Li Zan handed the menu to the waiter and said to Song Ran, "You are still the same, always so polite."
It was like that when they were in Garo City. When they were eating barbecue, she was reluctant to order more, and it was he who added more drinks for her.
Song Ran said: "I don't want to waste it."
Li Zan did not delve into this topic further, but just curled the corners of his lips.
The thin sunlight outside the window shone on his face, with a faint taste of the old times.
Song Ran saw the light reflected from the hearing aid on his ear again and asked, "Can it be restored?"
"What?"
Song Ran pointed to his ear.
"There's nothing wrong with my hearing," Li Zan said. "Sometimes it's too noisy around me, so I take it off and it's a lot quieter. For example, if I don't want to talk to you now, I can just take it off."
Song Ranyuan was still a little worried, but he amused her and made her chuckle in a second.
Li Zan looked at her and smiled. His fingers unconsciously scratched the table a few times, and finally asked: "You... Were you injured that time?"
He still remembered how she fell to the ground after the first explosion that day, her face pale and her eyes closed.
He frowned uncomfortably and brushed away the memory.
Song Ran said: "My eyes were hurt a little, but it's not serious and will heal soon."
Li Zan inadvertently looked into her eyes, which were as clear and bright as before, with clear black and white.
"What about you? Are you seriously injured?"
Li Zan shook his head: "Nothing."
"That's good." She believed it and asked, "When did you come back?"
"I came back not long after that." Li Zan lowered his head and scratched his forehead with his fingers. "What about you?"
"Me too, it just happened to be a reporter rotation."
Li Zan smiled and said, "I've seen you on TV news many times recently."
Song Ran smiled and pursed her lips: "It's all because of the award for the photo." She fiddled with the chopsticks with her fingers and said, "By the way, let me tell you, I am now developing into an independent journalist. I can do a lot of things freely and choose the topics that I am interested in and want to pay attention to."
Li Zan listened to her carefully with a smile in his eyes and said sincerely, "It's good."
She nodded: "Yeah. But sometimes I feel that this society is too realistic. Just because a photo is successful, you can get a lot. It's too result-oriented. I think..." Her heart suddenly ached, and she said, "For something, the true and correct purpose and process at the beginning are more important. It's a bit biased to use the result to infer the original intention."
Li Zan was silent for a moment and said, "I used to think so, but now I feel that sometimes the right purpose cannot give immunity to the wrong result. If you make a mistake, you have to take responsibility, no matter how good your original intention is."
Song Ran was silent for a moment, lowered his eyes, and said softly: "But... it is a bit cruel to completely deny or distort a person's original good intentions because of a wrong or imperfect result."
Li Zan thought about this sentence and did not answer for a while.
The waiter brought the food.
Li Zan scooped a bowl of clear fish soup for her.
"Thank you." Song Ran drank a few sips slowly and raised his eyes. "By the way, Political Commissar Luo, where are Jiang Lin and the others?"
"Political Commissar Luo just came back. Jiang Lin will probably be back next month."
"Oh." Song Ran nodded, and after a few seconds, he asked again, "Is Jiang Lin still catching chickens now?"
Li Zan was stunned for a moment, then smiled and said, "We should catch more. I heard it's a newly opened piece of land."
"Changed station?"
"Well, Garo has also started the war. The base has moved 60 kilometers to the south."
"Oh," she suddenly remembered, "where are Benjamin and the others?"
"I got hurt a little bit and went back to the United States."
"Are you still in touch?"
"Yes. I met him last time I went to the United States." Li Zan looked at her, "He also asked about you."
"Eh?" Song Ran's eyes widened slightly, "What do you want to ask me?"
"Nothing much, just saying if it's ok or not, how you're doing and stuff like that."
"… oh."
"Is the reporter named Sasin okay?" Li Zan asked.
When talking about Sasin, Song Ran smiled again: "He is fine, he has been rescued a long time ago."
"That's good." Li Zan said, "You saved him."
Song Ran was eating glutinous rice balls, looking up blankly. She had never thought about this question before. She deliberately avoided thinking about many things that happened that day.
She held the glutinous rice dumpling in her mouth and uttered a vague "hmm". Seeing that he hadn't touched the dessert yet, she reminded him, "This glutinous rice dumpling is delicious. Try it. It will get cold in a while."
Li Zan scooped one and put it in his mouth. It was soft and sticky, not overly sweet, and tasted just right.
“Is it delicious?”
"Mm. Delicious."
"How long will you stay in your current position?"
"Not sure at the moment. At least for now..." He looked out the window, "Not bad. Pretty relaxing."
"That's right. I don't have any time for myself in the army." Song Ran said sincerely, "It's good to return to life. No one has to devote their whole life to one thing."
Li Zan listened to this, thought for a while, and asked: "Will you go to Dongguo again? Report, etc."
Song Ran clenched the spoon, raised his eyes and smiled: "No, for now. I have a lot of work at hand right now, so I can't spare the time."
"That's good. Girls are still more likely to get hurt if they run around outside alone."
"Yeah. My mother has always disagreed with me going to the East Country, saying that it's the same if I develop in the country and pay attention to domestic news."
"Yes," Li Zan said, "To do things seriously, you don't need to stick to a specific place or environment."
Song Ran nodded.
It was already past one in the afternoon when we finished the meal.
Li Zan paid the bill, and Song Ran didn't say aa this time: "Can I treat you next time?"
He smiled and said, "Okay."
After leaving the restaurant, the two parted at the intersection.
Li Zan said, "See you next time."
"Okay, see you next time." Song Ran waved at him.
She followed the crowd to the other side of the road. After walking a few steps, she couldn't help but look back. He was also crossing the road, his silhouette was tall, and the light of noon sprinkled on his hair.
Li Zan followed the crowd to the side of the road, then turned his head to look across the intersection. Song Ran had already crossed the road and walked away.
He looked away, put his hands in his pockets, and continued walking forward. He walked through the gap between two buildings, and the wind blew.
He was quiet in his heart.