September is coming to an end and the weather is starting to get cooler.
On the 30th, Song Ran took Li Zan to Jiangcheng as usual to check up on his health at Jiangcheng Military Hospital.
The doctor was already familiar with him. When he measured his weight, he said happily: "Not bad, 62.3. Ah Zan should keep working hard."
Li Zan listened to his childlike tone and nodded in amusement.
"Eat more and pay attention to balanced nutrition. You must gain at least another 10 kilograms. In addition, you must exercise more. But your health is too poor now. If you exercise, just take a walk, one or two hours a day. Others Things like running and push-ups can’t be done yet.”
Li Zan said: "I understand."
The doctor told Song Ran alone that autumn was coming and he should pay attention to the cold. Li Zan's body will be particularly difficult on rainy and cold days. As long as a person's health is not good, his mental resistance will drop sharply, making him more likely to have negative emotions.
Song Ran said he would pay attention. I thought it was a good thing that my home had floor heating.
After other tests, it was still far from meeting the health standards, and there were very few signs of recovery. Song Ran was worried, but she was prepared. Recovering your physical fitness cannot be accomplished in a year or a half. Moreover, it is already impossible to get him back to the physical condition he was in a year ago.
She didn't have much hope, as long as he could be less sick and tired.
After the physical examination, I saw a psychiatrist again.
Song Ran waited outside the consulting room for an hour or two. The doctor came out and said the same thing as last time. His condition is currently difficult to effectively treat and can only be prevented by regular observation. Jiangcheng's doctor agreed with Liang Cheng and believed that he could be admitted to the hospital and his movements restricted. However, considering that they lived in the countryside and were almost isolated from the outside world and would not affect others, and the patients themselves strongly resisted being admitted to the hospital, they did not persist.
The doctor emphasized to Song Ran again that even if there is no external stimulus, apart from danger and panic, joy and happiness may also become the source of stimulus, making Li Zan unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy, thinking that all peace is his imagination. In this case, once he encounters external stimulation and his dream is shattered, he will collapse. The consequences could be disastrous.
"You have to make him feel as much as possible that he is in the real world. Although it is not very useful, it at least keeps him from being stimulated."
"I will."
After leaving the hospital, it was almost lunch time.
After staying in the countryside, Song Ran also wanted to take Li Zan to the city for a walk, but he was afraid of an accident. After much deliberation, I took him outside his high school campus. Tomorrow is the National Day holiday, the last day of school. The sound of books came from the teaching building.
There was still some time before get out of class ended, and the fried chicken restaurant across the street was deserted.
Just right.
The two found a seat by the window and ordered fried chicken, French fries and Coke.
In late summer and early autumn, the sun was not dazzling and enveloped the two of them warmly.
Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, there are green trees, the streets are empty and quiet, and the wind is blowing the treetops swaying. The security guard at the gate was setting up a ladder and hanging the national flag at the gate.
"No one has physical education class today, otherwise we would see rope skipping." Song Ran said with regret as he looked at the school playground across the street.
Li Zan was about to follow her gaze when he saw the dense trees outside. He looked back and stared at her hands. The sun shines on the back of her hand, which is white and transparent, but also tinged with pink, which is the color of life.
He unconsciously reached over and touched her hand, and the next second, she hooked his finger in turn. He breathed a sigh of relief.
She drew circles in his palm with her hand, held her chin in her other hand, and smiled at him from across the table.
He also laughed: "Why are you laughing?"
"Do you remember when we first fell in love last year, you took me to see your school and took me to eat maltose?"
"Remember."
"But didn't this fried chicken restaurant exist at that time? It should be a new one."
"Business doesn't seem to be very good." He whispered and smiled, "Maybe it's not delicious."
"Ah, it's done. I ordered two portions. If they don't taste good, I'll let you eat them all."
He smiled: "Okay."
"A-Zan, you need to eat more meat." Song Ran grabbed his wrist and measured it. He could hold it with one hand. However, it is a bit thicker than when I came back from Dongguo.
The fried chicken was served and it tasted very good. The meat is plump, soft and juicy.
"Is it delicious?" she asked.
"It's delicious." He licked the oil from the corner of his mouth and nodded.
"It's good to come out once in a while to change the taste," she said. "Eat the food I cook every day. I'm afraid you'll get tired of it."
"No." He said warmly, "You won't get tired of it. You will never get tired of eating it for the rest of your life."
"You can still say such words to coax people?" She glanced at him lightly.
He bit into the fried chicken and laughed silently.
The ring on the ring finger of her left hand shone with pale gold in the sunlight.
Song Ran suddenly remembered that the doctor said that he would think she was fake. It was his imagination.
However, she also knew that his happiness was genuine. His smile at her was also genuine.
Like right now.
The two of them finished eating fried chicken and chips leisurely and were sitting by the window drinking Coke when the school bell rang.
Song Ran rolled his eyes and said, "A-Zan, let's go, school is over. Don't compete with those brats for the road."
"Okay." Li Zan picked up the Coke, held Song Ran's hand and walked out of the fried chicken shop quickly.
When the students poured out of the teaching building, Song Ran had already started the car and quickly left the noisy children behind him.
The season was about to change, so she took Li Zan to the mall to buy clothes.
She held his hand tightly all the way, paying special attention to her surroundings, for fear of any unexpected situation. Even when I was looking at clothes and trying on clothes in the store, I stayed close to him. The clerk smiled and said, "You guys have a great relationship. I'm so envious."
Song Ran just smiled and didn't answer.
It's been a smooth ride. It was the eve of the National Day holiday, and there were not many people in the mall. After buying a few sets of clothes, he went downstairs and passed by a boutique. Song Ran caught a glimpse of red ropes for sale, so he pulled Li Zan in and bought two, each of them wearing one on their hands.
Li Zan's previous one has long since disappeared and must have fallen into the terrorist's cell.
"Wear this red rope, A-Zan, you will have a safe life. I will share half of my good luck with you."
He nodded: "A safe life."
After leaving the mall, Li Zan said: "Going to dad's house for dinner today?"
"OK."
I came to Jiangcheng to see Father Li.
Song Ran drove towards the construction workers' family home.
A piece of news was suddenly broadcast on the car radio: "Recently, China X Construction Group successfully won the bid for the Al-Tsangdi highway construction and infrastructure construction project in East China; recently, the two governments also launched a new round of consultations on oil trade issues. At present, Dongguo has recovered 90% of its territory, and infrastructure, agriculture, commerce, and trade are in full swing. China and Dongguo have always been friendly and cooperative... "
Song Ran turned off the radio and glanced at Li Zan in the rearview mirror of the car. He looked calmly at the road ahead.
After a long time, Song Ran said: "A-Zan, the thirteen special forces sent out originally. Your mission has been completed."
Li Zan said: "Oh."
Assistance eventually resulted in benefits.
She refused to think about it anymore and looked straight ahead.
The sky is blue, the road is open; the trees are shady, and the red flag is flying.
Because of the National Day, national flags were hung at the entrances of many shops, shopping malls and units in the streets and alleys. Some oncoming cars had national flags on them, and children were running down the street waving small flags.
The early autumn in Jiangcheng is full of joy and peace, and the festive atmosphere is getting stronger.
There were cars and people passing by on the street, and there were so many laughing people. Do they know the story of the person next to her
The vehicle turned into the family compound, and bright red flags were flying on the treetops. Li Zan suddenly said: "When we were maintaining peace before, the national flag was embroidered on the military uniforms. Five stars."
Song Ran avoided the vehicle, but before he spoke, he listened to him continue: "Because we need to distinguish nationalities. Benjamin's military uniform is embroidered with their country's flag. Stars and Stripes. So is George, and his is the word rice."
Under the gunfire, their young smiling faces turned black and white, dark and broken.
He stood in the smoke and looked around. Thousands of young soldiers were mangled with blood and died tragically in the wilderness.
A pair of hands held him firmly: "A-Zan!"
When Li Zan came to his senses, he found that the car was parked at the door of his unit building, and the windshield was covered with sunlight, which was so unreal that it was unreal.
"Huh?" He heard his own voice responding.
The worry in Song Ran's eyes flashed, and she smiled: "A-Zan, we're home."
"Okay." He squeezed her hand.
Li Zan was a little tired after walking all morning. After entering the house, he went back to his room and took a nap.
Song Ran stood by and watched him breathe evenly and fall asleep peacefully before quietly leaving the room.
Father Li was preparing the ingredients for chicken soup in the kitchen, and carefully washed the wild rice one by one: "This thing is easy to get sandy. You see, after washing it three times, there is still sand in the water." He poured out the water and picked up new ones. He asked, "Where did you go to play today?"
"I went to the hospital and bought some clothes. I didn't go anywhere else."
"what did the doctor say?"
Song Ran only said nice things: "It's still getting better."
Li Qingchen said nothing, cleaning the folds of the wild rice. Song Ran knew that he knew something, and she suddenly remembered what Ran Yuwei said a month ago.
The pain in Father Li's heart was probably even worse than hers.
In his entire life, he has raised such a son.
Song Ran took a piece of ginger and peeled it. Thinking of the doctor's words and the red flag on the road, emotions surged in her heart. Finally she called out: "Dad—"
Father Li said warmly: "Don't be afraid if you have something in your heart, just tell dad."
"I-" Song Ran was fine at first, but after being coaxed by his gentle words, she choked a little, "I just... feel uncomfortable. Dad, sometimes I wonder, you said... why?"
Father Li paused for a moment, then lowered his head to wash the wild rice. After a long time, he sighed: "It's like this. No matter how uncomfortable I feel, what can I do?" This middle-aged man, who has always been gentle and calm-->>
When people reach this moment, they are helpless and helpless. "If you die, it will be over. But as long as you are still alive and want to live, no matter how hard it is, no matter how hard it is, if you don't accept it, what can you do? You have to endure it. It doesn't matter who suffers." "
Song Ran was stunned.
Yes, it doesn't matter if you can't get over this hurdle, fate won't give you any other choice.
Can…
"I feel dissatisfied." She scraped the ginger skin with a scraper and said harshly, "What a strange fate." She vented her anger, and there was no movement in the kitchen, only the sound of water.
She lowered her head and pinched the ginger in her hand: "Dad, are you weird?"
Father Li moved his lips twice, trying to say something, but it was difficult and he couldn't. He put a washed wild rice into the draining basket, raised his hand and rubbed his nose with his sleeve.
"Some things in this world have to be done by someone. I don't blame anyone if he did it. But if you ask me if I am willing, how can I be willing? Someone has to do it, so let others do it. Who would hope that it is? Your own child?”
Song Ran sniffed and looked away.
After Father Li finished speaking, he was silent for a long time. There was only the sound of water being poured into the pool.
He washed the wild rice again. This time it was finally clean, and there was no fine sand on the bottom of the basin. After all, he couldn't bear it in his heart, and he sighed again: "Then again, compared to those who sacrificed themselves when we went out together, I am content. Other people's children are also children."
Song Ran's heart suddenly felt like she was hit by something soft.
The father in front of me was obviously more aggrieved and distressed than anyone else, confused and confused, but he was still so kind. Inexplicably, it gave her a sense of comfort and strength.
When Song Ran returned to the room, Li Zan was still sleeping, with his long eyelashes hanging down and his eyebrows still slightly wrinkled.
She reached over and stroked his brow until his forehead softened, then she felt relieved.
After dinner, Li Zan and Song Ran set off home.
The car drove up the embankment and the waves of the Yangtze River surged.
Li Zan looked at the river. Song Ran saw him and asked, "Would you like to stop and take a look at the scenery?"
"good."
The car stopped on the river embankment, and the two of them walked to the river and took a walk.
Just after summer, the water level of the Yangtze River was still high, the water flow was fast, and the sediment from the upstream was mixed with mud and yellow. The blue and green scenery in spring is no longer there.
Where the water flow is slow, there are several families playing in the water with their trousers rolled up. It was a bit cold at this time of year and there were no swimmers.
Li Zan stood by the river blowing the wind, and the river wind blew up his white shirt, outlining his thin figure. Song Ran looked at his profile, which was a little lonely in the wind, and suddenly stood in front of him and said, "Block you from the wind."
Li Zan smiled faintly, hugged her from behind, and leaned his head on hers.
Song Ran covered his cold hands on his waist and shivered in the wind: "A-Zan?"
"Um?"
"Do you sometimes blame your bad luck?"
Li Zan didn't speak, fearing that such a question would touch the deepest pain in his heart. He didn't dare to answer for a while.
"Only sometimes," she said, waiting for him stubbornly.
The river wind blew his forehead and blew his eyes. He narrowed his eyes painfully.
Finally, he nodded: "Yes."
"You know what? I asked dad today if it was strange."
Li Zan's eyes turned red when he thought of his father: "What did he say?"
"He blames his life, but he doesn't blame anyone. He said that if you live, you have to grit your teeth and keep going. It's the same for everyone. He doesn't blame anyone, and the reason is the same as mine." She paused, and the mist that just appeared in her eyes was The wind blew away, "A-Zan, sometimes I hate you, but when I think of you still being here, I feel like I have no other demands. I'm convinced."
His eyes were hot, and he buried his head in her neck, as if it was difficult to face and speak, and the voice that escaped from his throat was low and distorted: "Ran Ran, I understand. I don't want to complain, and I don't want to hate, but let me not care at all. I can’t do all this now.”
He didn't know whether it would be possible in the future.
There are too many emotions, regrets, sadness, unwillingness, and grievances that cannot be calmed down in a short period of time. Please forgive me. If it is so easy to be relieved, what does the suffering you have suffered count
It has nothing to do with elegance and grandeur, nothing to do with nobility and reason.
No matter how nice the words "torture, suffering" are, they are just suffering. It seeps into every day of the rest of my life, it is the aching bones in rainy days, the unfulfilled failed dreams in my heart, and the endless fear and panic when I am on the edge of reality and illusion and watch my dreams shatter.
And life is long, and it is unknown whether we will one day make peace with fate.
only,
"I'm just like you." The painful and complicated thoughts in his mind dispersed, and only one thought was clear.
"What?"
"Compared to..." He frowned hard, still unable to name his comrade-in-arms, he said with difficulty, "Ran Ran, at least, I can still stand here."
to be with you.
real? Or is it fake
He didn't care anymore.
Even if it's fake, even if it's just this dream. He is also willing to indulge in it and never wake up again. Being broken is so painful.
At least at this moment, he could feel her temperature and her heartbeat, injecting warm power into his cold and panicked heart.
She squeezed his hand.
The river wind blew, and the two hugged each other tightly. Their thin bodies shivered in the wind, but they hugged each other tightly. As if trying hard to feel each other's hearts beating in their chests.
Only living is real.
enough. At least for this moment. enough.
It wasn't until there was a chill in the wind that Song Ran was afraid that he would catch a cold, so she looked up at him and said, "A-Zan, let's go? The scenery in autumn is not very beautiful. Come back next spring?"
"good."
The banks of the Yangtze River are covered with weeds and small flowers blooming.
He led her away and walked through the grass along the way.
It was almost evening, and many festival goers were driving onto the highway.
They went against the flow of traffic and returned to the countryside without any hindrance.
Autumn is coming. The wind blows the leaves and flutters on the windshield. The rice fields have begun to turn yellow. After a while, it will be a beautiful autumn scenery again.
Back home, the sun has set.
Outside the floor-to-ceiling window, at the end of the field, there is a colorful sunset on the horizon.
After taking a bath, dusk fell.
Song Ran closed the window screen and went to bed with him early.
"Are you tired today? You have been running outside all day." She got into the thin quilt.
Li Zandan smiled and closed his eyes and said, "I'm not tired."
She then pressed closer to his arms, her eyes filled with water: "A-Zan."
"Huh?" He met her gaze and felt his heart heat up.
She turned over gently, covered him, touched his chest with her fingers, kissed his lips gently, and whispered: "I miss you..."
He kissed her lips, turned slightly and pulled her into his arms.
Their fingers intertwined and pressed on the pillow; she touched the ring at the root of his finger, which was smooth, round and hard, carrying the temperature of his body, which was hot;
She closed her eyes slightly, kicked her heels lightly on the sheets, and rubbed against his. She raised her head impatiently and let out a sob. His suppressed and heavy breathing fell in her ears, and the thin fabric made an ambiguous swishing sound. The breath of his body was hot and strong, enveloping her. She is also soft and moist, like warm water. I sink deeper and deeper, wishing I would never wake up again.
The moonlight shrouds the gauze, softly, like a dream.
She lay in his arms and slept peacefully with her eyes closed, with patches of flush still remaining on her cheeks.
He tilted his head, his thin lips lightly touching the tip of her nose, and his drooping eyelashes left a shadow under his eyes.
"A-Zan," she suddenly murmured in her sleep.
"Huh?" He woke up slightly, with a muffled sound in his throat.
"We've been waiting for two years. Can we have a little A-Zan?"
He nuzzled her and said, "Okay."
The moon dyes the gauze, a dreamless night.
The next day was National Day and the weather was exceptionally good.
The sky is blue and the clouds are white, and the fields are endless.
The news said that during the National Day peak, many scenic spots were overcrowded and the highways were jammed.
Song Ran turned off the TV and put a pot of hot tea on the desk.
Li Zan was leaning on a chair to bask in the sun, playing a harmonica. It was the Castle in the Sky that she had heard of.
The harmonica played melodiously as she held a cup of tea and drank it slowly. In the fields outside the window, the rice is showing a bright yellow color, the persimmon trees are bearing fruits, the leaves are falling in the lotus pond, and a few ducks are flapping their wings in the pond.
Li Zan finished the song. Song Ran looked at the wild geese flying south and suddenly said: "A-Zan, I want to be a bird in my next life. Don't fly south. Just be a little sparrow and stay on the top of a mountain all my life."
He said: "Then I will be a big tree."
On the ridge of the field, the wind blew the trees, and the birds were jumping and chirping on the treetops.
"Then... if you were a human being in your next life, what kind of life would you like?"
"As it is now," he replied.
"I hope you live..." Song Ran rolled his eyes, took a note, wrote a few words, and handed it to him, "This is it."
Li Zan took a look:
"Fine wine and light fur, burning the midnight oil and running horses, you will have no worries in your life."
He raised the corners of his lips and smiled leisurely.
She finished her tea and continued to flip through the book and write.
He put down his harmonica and picked up a book to read.
Time is quiet and by your side.
He occasionally looked up at her, and then looked at her quietly for a long time.
The sunlight moved to his eyes, and he squinted slightly and looked into the distance.
At that time, he looked out through the window and saw a white olive tree in the open field.
(text)