Tao Xiaodong really annoyed Tang Suoyan. A few words could make him so angry that he got out of the car and left without turning his head once.
He was caught in the middle of the road by himself, unable to walk or stop.
This level of conflict was the second time. The first time was before the two of them got along well. Because of the family member of the mentally ill patient, Tang Suoyan wanted to send Tao Xiaodong home without communication. That time Tao Xiaodong slammed the car door and left.
It's ridiculous to think about it now, the reason and the result are the same, but this time it's the other way around.
He knew what it was like to be rejected and avoided by someone he cared about, he had tasted it.
Tao Xiaodong sat in the car with his hair down and dazed, and then slowly leaned over the steering wheel with his forehead on his arm. He didn't start the car until the whistle began to sound behind.
Tao Xiaodong drove the car around the elevated outer ring, but had nowhere to go, his mind was confused. There are many cars in the city, the street lights suddenly light up overhead, the world in front of you changes color, the gray and dark colors disappear in an instant, and it becomes more gorgeous, hazy, and more dreamy.
Everyone dreams, and there are so many people in their dreams, hoping that they will be free to do whatever they want.
When I got home, it was more than eight o'clock in the evening, 826826, and typed in one key at a time. It was the first time that Tang Suoyan called that boring title on the bed, Tao Xiaodong couldn't stand it, and shivered for a long time under a certain extreme feeling. After that, my fingers didn't have the strength, and I lay there for a long time, and my voice was stuffed in the pillow, I was embarrassed to raise my head, and asked why I called it that...
Tang Suoyan hugged him at that time, pampered him, and had just done something intimate, her low smile was sexy and hot, she held his ear and asked, "Don't you know that until now? What do you mean by password?"
Tao Xiaodong was stunned for a while at first, and then he was stunned when he reacted.
Since then, every time I open the door, it is charming.
Because this Tao Xiaodong deliberately re-entered his fingerprints, and entered his fingerprints when he opened the door, which old man would be too embarrassed to enter this "826826".
There are a total of six keys, each of which is wrapped in the affection of a lover.
The room was dark, with no lights on except in the study. Tang Suoyan didn't even leave him a lamp.
Tao Xiaodong took off his coat and hung it at the door, turned on the light, and said to the study, "Brother Yan, I'm back."
No one answered him, Tang Suoyan was busy in front of the computer, and the only answer to him was the sound of typing on the keyboard.
There were dishes left on the table, but no one came out to heat him. Tao Xiaodong actually has no appetite and is not hungry at all. But I still sat down and ate a few bites, and it wasn't too cold.
Tang Suoyan was always in the study, Tao Xiaodong looked at him twice at the door, Tang Suoyan didn't lift his head, as if he had never seen him. Tao Xiaodong was sitting on the sofa, and the flowers on the balcony didn't bother to change the water for the past two days, so they were a little wilted. He sat on the balcony for a while, staring at the darkness outside the window.
Before going to bed, he brought Tang Suoyan a glass of milk, put it on the table, and said softly, "rest early, brother Yan."
Tang Suoyan still didn't look up and looked at the screen: "Go to sleep, don't worry about me."
Tao Xiaodong pursed his lips, standing there as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't say it. He turned around and went out in silence. He didn't go back to his room to sleep, and continued to sit on the sofa in a daze.
It’s hard to tell how long or how short the time is. When people are in a daze, their judgment of time is out of order. I don't know how long it took, Tang Suoyan came out of the study, saw him sitting in the living room, took a look and went to wash.
Tao Xiaodong stood up and walked over, he knew Tang Suoyan was angry and why he was angry. There are some things that can't be said between lovers, it's too hurtful to say. That is, Tang Suoyan's temper is not in a hurry. If it was replaced by him, he would have exploded many times earlier.
Before he changed his clothes, he was still dressed in the daytime outfit, and Tao Xiaodong didn't even take off his hat. He stood at the door of the bathroom and looked at Tang Suoyan, but Tang Suoyan didn't even look at him in the mirror.
Tao Xiaodong called out "Brother Yan".
He doesn't seem to be able to say anything but these two words now.
The blisters at the corners of his mouth almost sealed his mouth. It hurts so much to speak in such a small way. Tao Xiaodong raised his hand and touched it.
Tang Suoyan spat out the foam in his mouth: "Is there something to say?"
Have something to say? Tao Xiaodong laughed at himself, he had nothing to say, not even a word.
After rinsing his mouth and washing his face, Tang Suoyan didn't wait for Tao Xiaodong any longer, but said, "Let me go."
Tao Xiaodong took a step back, Tang Suoyan went out of the bathroom, turned off the light and entered the guest bedroom.
They usually sleep in the master bedroom.
Tao Xiaodong lay in his clothes all night without taking off his clothes.
It was the first time that Tao Xiaodong lay down like this without his hair tying his neck. Tao Xiaodong raised his hand and touched his head. It had been a day, but he still felt uncomfortable.
He hadn't slept all night, and when he closed his eyes, he was so depressed that he couldn't breathe, and lay down for half the night with his eyes open.
Darkness is the protective layer of human beings. No matter how difficult the emotions are, they can expand and ferment freely in the dark. There is no need to hide them, no need to hide them, no need to hide them from others, and no need to hide them from oneself.
People's tolerance is limited, Tao Xiaodong has been too full recently.
At first, I was mentally overwhelmed, and then I really couldn't breathe, and my chest hurt and even nauseated. He sat up, gasping for breath.
Bored, want to vomit.
In fact, he didn't know how many days he hadn't slept and couldn't sleep. Pulling, irritability, anxiety, emotions are trapped in a narrower and narrower box, and there is no way to turn back and find an exit.
Tao Xiaodong was sitting beside the bed, his eyes were indistinguishable black, so black that he seemed to be lost from this world.
He curled up, pressing down on his upper body, shrinking himself into a twisted, embarrassed mass.
The next morning, when he came out of the room, Tang Suoyan frowned when he saw his face.
Tao Xiaodong pursed his lips, watching him want to speak, but opened his mouth but said nothing. I don't want to call me "Brother Yan" dryly anymore, but the only thing I can say is "don't be angry". It's all nonsense, it's better not to say nonsense.
Tang Suoyan waited for him for a while, but nothing came. He didn't look good either, and he didn't sleep well either.
Before going out, Tang Suoyan asked, "What did you mean yesterday, did you want to separate?"
His voice was calm, and he looked at Tao Xiaodong: "Did I understand it wrong?"
Tao Xiaodong looked up at him, his eyes were a little lost, the "yes" choked in his throat, and he couldn't open his mouth no matter what.
From this day on, Tang Suoyan really ignored him.
Tao Xiaodong said "don't mind me", Tang Suoyan really stopped asking.
He even drove his own car to work and went back to get off work by himself, and neither of them could say a word. At the beginning, Tao Xiaodong could still be called "Brother Yan". Every time he opened his mouth, Tang Suoyan looked at him and waited for him to speak.
Tao Xiaodong's mouth seemed to be blocked, and the broken bubble at the corner of his mouth turned into a festering scab, sealing his mouth. Every time I opened my mouth, it was a sharp pain, and the pain made half of my face numb, and my heart beat abnormally.
Later, Tao Xiaodong couldn't even say "Brother Yan".
He didn't speak in the store, and he still had normal communication with customers, but he lost his voice. As soon as anyone talked to him, he smiled and pointed to the corner of his mouth, indicating that his mouth hurt.
It hurts to eat and drink, and sometimes it bleeds. When it bleeds, he licks it, and if he forgets to lick it, he continues to scab.
The hair is gone, the person is haggard, and the mouth is rotten.
How miserable.
Tao Xiaodong hasn't been home for a while, Tao Huainan's mind is too careful and his mind is turning too fast, he is afraid that he will not be able to hide it from him. The brothers sent several messages every day, but Tao Huainan didn't call or call him back.
On Saturday, Tang Suoyan went to the laboratory, Tao Xiaodong went to the store, and neither of them stayed at home.
Before leaving, Tang Suoyan put the medicine on the coffee table and asked Tao Xiaodong to apply it.
In fact, he asked him to paint every day, Tao Xiaodong also painted, but occasionally he forgot. This day, Tang Suoyan watched him apply the medicine to the corner of his mouth before leaving. They didn't say anything else for several days.
After Tang Suoyan left, Tao Xiaodong curled up on the sofa for a while. He liked to curl up like this when no one was there recently, as if he could relax only when he was curled up like this.
A couple who used to be so close and so good, turned out to be like this.
The house has recently become dull and depressing, and it's starting to look like it used to be.
The next day, when Tang Suoyan went to the laboratory, Tao Xiaodong hadn't left yet. The customers who were in line today temporarily canceled it in the morning, and Tao Xiaodong didn't make any arrangements today.
Tang Suoyan watched him apply the medicine, and watched him for a while, Tao Xiaodong also looked at him, but still didn't speak. Later, Tang Suoyan left, and when the door closed, Tao Xiaodong closed his eyes.
When Tang Suoyan came back in the afternoon, he saw that Tao Xiaodong had fallen asleep while sitting on the balcony with his back against the glass door.
It was cloudy outside, there was no sun, and the light inside was very dim. Tao Xiaodong was curled up, his head buried in his arm, and one hand covered his head.
Even though Tang Suoyan had lightened his pace, he still woke up. I didn't slept soundly. It's better to say that I fell asleep and I fell into a half-true dream in a trance.
He looked up at Tang Suoyan, and Tang Suoyan stood beside him, as if sighing.
"I don't know if I really have a problem." Tang Suoyan also sat down, sitting next to Tao Xiaodong.
"Am I making people feel distrustful? Can't trust me?" He looked at Tao Xiaodong and asked him.
Tao Xiaodong looked at him and shook his head. As soon as he opened his mouth, the pain at the corner of his mouth made him shiver.
An ulcer is not so painful.
Tao Xiaodong frowned a little irritably, wondering how life became like this day by day.
"Don't frown." Tang Suoyan sat next to him and talked to him, "If you really think it's good to separate, and it's suitable, then you can do it."
"I never mentioned Tangning to you, you are you, he is him, and you are different." Tang Suoyan looked at the corner of his mouth and said slowly, "Tangning used to mention breaking up from time to time, and I was almost done by then. I'm used to it, let him go if he wants to go, and come back if he wants to. I just wanted to tell you about him today, don't be so uncomfortable, just go if you really want to go. "
When he talked about Tangning, it was really hurt. This seemed to be the first time Tang Suoyan brought up Tangning, and Tao Xiaodong's heart was broken. The corners of his mouth hurt so much that he wanted to gasp, Tao Xiaodong buried his head in his arms, his brain was swollen, and the position of his temples throbbed in pain.
"I've read your medical report several times, and I've confirmed that it's fine. If it wasn't for being sick, I can't think of what made you so negative. I don't have a clue. Being with me makes you embarrassed?" Tang Suoyan looked down. He looked at him and continued to say his own, "Don't be embarrassed. I've always failed in romantic relationships. I don't know if I didn't handle it well or if I didn't deserve to talk frankly."
He sat with Tao Xiaodong for a while, looking out the window.
The spring breeze is blowing outside, the wind is wrapped in sand, and there is a small sound when it hits the glass.
"Just think about it." Tang Suoyan stood up.
Tao Xiaodong grabbed his wrist and looked up at him with red eyes. He clenched Tang Suoyan tightly, clenched tightly, and every look at him seemed to want to carve this man into his bones.
The two looked at each other, and Tang Suoyan said, "No matter what your reason is, you make me very sad, Xiaodong."
After he finished speaking, he pulled out his hand and turned back to the room.
Tao Xiaodong sat on the balcony for half the night. I didn't move, my legs became so numb that I couldn't feel it, and it took a long time for me to stand up. Go back to the room for the second half of the night and lie down.
There are too many things to say and nothing to say, and there are too many things in my mind but I have nothing to think about, but I am very unwilling.
This unwillingness even made him a little hate.
How ridiculous, he and Tangning did the same thing. He was afraid that he wouldn't be able to hold it with his hands, and it was not enough to give him what he could give him. Today, he is forcing him to do the same thing as Tangning.
What the fuck is that.
One step forward is to ask Tang Suoyan to be involved in the second half of his life, and the next step is to let go completely. From then on, there will be no Tao Xiaodong in the second half of his life.
Every step you take is a cramp. After so many days left and right, I want to tear Tao Xiaodong into two pieces.
It was so painful, Tao Xiaodong covered his eyes with his arms in the dark.
- What's the point.
The next day, before Tao Xiaodong left the room, Tang Suoyan had already left.
They don't drive a car these days, they go their separate ways. So Tang Suoyan was a little surprised when he saw Tao Xiaodong wearing a hat walking in in the consultation room before leaving get off work.
Tang Suoyan was in the outpatient clinic today and was about to get off work. The two little doctors who were intern still had some things to do, and Tang Suoyan waited for them to sign for him.
Tao Xiaodong came in at this time, and the two little doctors were surprised by his hairstyle when they saw him.
Tao Xiaodong smiled at the two of them, and the two hurriedly said hello, speeding up the files in their hands. Tang Suoyan looked at him, Tao Xiaodong sat down on the chair opposite him.
After signing the intern, the intern immediately took the things and left, and even closed the door.
Tao Xiaodong didn't want to leave when he sat here, Tang Suoyan said, "I'm off work."
Tao Xiaodong nodded and forced a smile.
I just said heavy words yesterday, and today Tao Xiaodong came over after get off work, cautiously looking soft. Originally a lover with deep feelings, who is really willing.
Tang Suoyan put away his things, stood up from the chair, and said, "Let's go."
Tao Xiaodong still had his hands in his pockets, and he didn't speak, just sitting there—sitting on the chair that outpatients should sit on, looking at Tang Suoyan all the time.
"how-"
Tang Suoyan didn't finish a word, looked at Tao Xiaodong's line of sight, and suddenly picked up the tone.