I slept with Yin Ning at night. I lay on my side, but did not fall asleep. Yin Ning was lying next to me playing with her mobile phone.
Not knowing what time it was, Yin Ning suddenly said: "Zijin, are you looking for me?"
"Huh?" I turned my head subconsciously and saw Yin Ning handing me the phone. A text message was displayed on the screen, saying: Zijin, are you asleep
I saw the last few digits of the number and immediately recognized it as Xu Lu’s mobile phone number.
I lost my mobile phone and haven't bought it yet, so in the past few days, everyone who knew I was in Lanzhou called Yin Ning to look for me.
I took the phone and made a call directly.
The phone beeped nearly ten times before Xu Lu answered the call.
I asked out loud: "Why did it take so long to answer?"
There was silence on Xu Lu's side, and it only took me three seconds to realize that something was wrong.
Too many accidents have happened one after another in the past few days. I don’t know whether I am frightened or numb.
Just as my eyes darkened, I asked again: "Luzi, what happened?"
Xu Lu asked me in a low voice: "Zijin, have you seen Yi Yang?"
When I mentioned Kuang Yiyang, my heart suddenly skipped a beat, because I recalled the scene when Kuang Yiyang pushed in the door and bumped into Luo Xiangdong and I in the **.
The tears instantly piled up in his eyes. He was betrayed and hurt by the two people he thought were closest to him... Such an expression of pain and despair, I will never forget it for the rest of my life.
While I was lost in thought, Xu Lu on the other end of the phone was already choking and said: "Zijin, I'm sorry... I told Yi Yang."
I held the phone motionless and said nothing.
Xu Lu's voice was trembling and depressed. She cried and said to me: "You lost your phone. The person who stole your phone sent Yi Yang a text message and told him to call 50,000 yuan. Yi Yang called you. If you can’t get through, come over and ask me where you are and what happened.”
"I really didn't want to tell him, but I saw that he was so anxious, as if he was going crazy if he couldn't find you, so...so I impulsively told him that the person you loved was not him at all. But... Luo Xiangdong."
When I heard this, I was not shocked at all, I was even calm, really.
Because I had already experienced it once in the morning, so now that I heard it from another person, I seemed to be numb.
When Xu Lu saw that I was silent, she burst into tears and said while crying: "Zijin, I'm sorry for you. I like Yi Yang, and I don't know when I started to like him. I know he likes you, so I never dare to show it, I don’t even have any desire to be between you. You are my best friend. I hope you are well, and I also hope Yiyang can be happy, so I really want you to be here. Together… "
Looking back on the days when I, Kuang Yiyang and Xu Lu were in a "threesome", it was actually very beautiful. Because Xu Lu is here, I don't feel that the relationship with Kuang Yiyang is so awkward. But I never thought that when Kuang Yiyang loved me silently, Xu Lu would also love him silently.
I have been loved and loved others. I know how sad it feels to be cautious and afraid of being discovered by others; I know how helpless it feels to watch the person you like love someone else, but you can only pretend to be crazy and act silly to accompany them and laugh.
So I understand all Xu Lu’s depression and grievances.
Xu Lu said: "Zijin, I really never wanted to instigate the relationship between you and Yi Yang. But when Yi Yang cried and told me that you were angry with him, he and Luo Xiangdong were actually uncles and nephews. "
"You are my good sister, and Yi Yang is the one I love, so since I knew the truth, I have been thinking about whether I should help you hide Yi Yang, or to prevent Yi Yang from continuing to be kept in the dark. Muster up the courage to tell him... I really thought about it for a long time until the night you called me in the hospital. In fact, when I saw the call from you, I was inexplicably angry with you at first and didn't want to answer it because of you Yi Yang. It was so painful. But when you sent a text message saying that you were in the hospital and asked me to go there quickly, I went without hesitation. "
"I didn't ask you what happened because Yi Yang had already told me about your stay in the United States, and I had already guessed that there would be no relationship between you and Luo Xiangdong. You said you were leaving Night City... Zi Jin, I was actually happy from the bottom of my heart at that time... I am happy that you are leaving, so that Yiyang will no longer pester you in the future. I always hope that you can like him a little more and give him a little more love. ”
I held the phone, and Xu Lu burst into tears as she spoke inside, and I kept shedding tears.
She said: "As much as Yi Yang likes you, I like him. Maybe it was from the moment he said loudly to you, 'Scumbag doesn't love you, but I still love you', regardless of outsiders' eyes; or maybe it was him When he pretended to be my boyfriend and helped me deal with Zhou Mingkang; or maybe... it was just when he smiled at me and said 'Senior Xu Lu'."
"I know that all the kindness and care he treats me are all because of you. I also know that the only person in his heart is you, but I just can't help but like him..."
After Xu Lu said this, she cried so hard that she was speechless. Although I couldn't see her face, I could imagine her sitting on the edge of the bed, holding her cell phone in one hand and pulling her hair with the other.
I've been crying too, but I'm not angry.
I said softly: "Luzi, don't cry, you did nothing wrong."
Xu Lu cried and said: "Zijin, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I told Yi Yang that the person you loved was Luo Xiangdong, but he didn't believe it and had a big fight with me, and then ran to Lanzhou to find you... I've been thinking about it all day, but I still can't get over this hurdle in my heart. If you and Yi Yang fall out because of this, I really don't know how I can see you two again. "
I suppressed the sobs and soreness in my throat, and tried my best to reply: "Luzi, listen to me, I really don't blame you, really, I swear."
"Luo Xiangdong is not with me. He said that in his world, family affection is far more important than love. So I am very happy. In your world, love finally defeated friendship... You are bolder than me, you know what you want more What is."
In the end, I ended up crying.
How is it possible to say that you are not sad
Xu Lu and I have been in the same class for four years at university, and we get along day and night. I broke up with Dong Jianan soon after graduation, and the only person left around me was Xu Lu, who knew the truth and could say a few heart-felt words.
For her sake, I even risked my life to intercede with Luo Xiangdong, asking him to help Xu Lu transfer her job.
How can all the sacrifices made in the past, compared with the current outcome, be summed up in a sad and lonely way
Holding our mobile phones and thousands of kilometers apart, Xu Lu and I were both bursting with tears.
Xu Lu kept saying 'I'm sorry' to me, but I didn't even have the strength to say 'it's okay'.
I don't know how I hung up the phone. I just remember that I threw myself directly on Yin Ning's lap and cried heartbrokenly.
One after another, I lost Luo Xiangdong, Kuang Yiyang, and now even Xu Lu.
Everything I once owned in Night City seemed to have been lost overnight. I don’t know if God was playing a joke on me, or if it was deliberately trying to make me have nothing and force me to commit suicide.
Yin Ning clearly heard all the conversations I had with Xu Lu. She also said to me with red eyes: "Zijin, when you are sad, just think about it. You just lost it, but at least you once had it. You All the memories that people like us can never have in our lifetime.”
But I was thinking in my heart, if I was given a chance, I could choose whether to have it and then lose it, or never have it. I would choose the latter without hesitation.
Because no one can understand what I feel at this moment. To say it is heartbreaking is not enough to express one ten thousandth of the heartache.
If I had the guts, I would really want to run and kill myself.
On Yin Ning's lap, she went from crying to sobbing, then from sobbing to choking, and finally calmed down.
Yin Ning handed me a tissue and said in a low voice: "Look, no matter how heartbreaking you cry, there will always be a moment to stop. No matter how painful the injury is, there will be a scab one day." ”
I said, "But I'm afraid that I will bleed to death before the scabs form."
Yin Ning said: "It's okay, I believe you, your recovery ability has always been very strong. You broke up with Chen Wenhang after seven years of dating, and you fell in love with Luo Xiangdong within half a year. You can straighten your mood later and find a good person to talk to." A love that doesn’t break up will soon be forgotten.”
It is really impossible for Luo Xiangdong and I to be together, but when I think about it, our life trajectories will never intersect from now on. From now on, he will be in Ye City and I will be in Liang City, with more than 1,500 kilometers between us. , it takes more than two hours by plane, eight hours by train, more than ten or twenty hours by car... My heart hurts as if it is not my own.
It turns out that the most painful thing is that we were once so familiar, but now we have become strangers who are no longer relevant.
From familiarity to unfamiliarity, we have experienced a big battle that hurt both sides and we don’t know how long it will take to recover. No one wins this battle because everyone loses.
We try to prove our position in the opponent's heart by injuring the enemy by three points and losing seven points by ourselves. But what if it is proven? Didn't it end miserably in the end
Closing my eyes, my mind went blank. Vaguely, I remembered what I said to Yin Ning.
"From now on, I will never fall in love with a man who lies and deceives me, and I will never allow the person I love to use any excuse to abandon me and leave me alone. If he loves me wholeheartedly, I love him with all my heart.”