Today, before this moment, Bian Nan had a lot of imagination about this matter.
How will the family members find out, what kind of attitude will they have, what kind of words will dad, aunt, Bian Xinyu, Bian Hao say...
And how would I deal with it, admit it, grit my teeth and carry it...
Although according to his habit, he didn't think too much about these things, and he stopped when he thought of his heart being blocked.
But he never thought that he would feel like this when he was really pushed to this point.
Nervous, confused, restless... no, not restless.
is afraid.
Everyone was present, he was standing at the bottom of the stairs, Bian Xinyu was standing beside him, Bian Hao was standing in front of the sofa, Auntie was at the door of the kitchen, and Lu was walking down the stairs when he fled back to his room upstairs Dad is blocked.
Several people looked at him, because of Bian Xinyu's seemingly inexplicable question, everyone was puzzled and waited for his answer.
"You...with whom... have you been on Valentine's Day?" Bian Xinyu stopped shouting loudly, and her voice was trembling and nasal when she asked the second time.
You should be crying in the next second.
Do you want to answer
how to answer
Bian Nan looked at her silently.
There are many ways to avoid the immediate impasse.
Met on the road.
Gathered up with Qiu Yi to meet up with friends, Wan Fei and Shen Tao were waiting for them.
…
If he doesn't want to admit it, even if Bian Xinyu already knows Qiu Yi's sexual orientation, he can still easily pick himself out.
only.
If so denied.
It was like pushing Qiu Yi away.
Qiu Yi's attitude towards this matter has always made him unhappy, avoiding people, not allowing him to get too close to Qiu's father, they even had unpleasant feelings because of these...
He didn't know why Qiu Yi did this, but after hearing what Qiu Yi said that day, he did feel excited and happy.
If he denies it now, it seems that he has thrown Qiu Yi aside to some extent.
For the first time, Bian Nan felt that his IQ was not enough, at least it would fail when turning at high speed.
His mind is in a mess. If he wants to say it, don't say it. Qiu Yi said that he will talk about it after the New Year, but now...
A few seconds later, he made a decision, opened his mouth and was about to speak out, when Bian Xinyu suddenly screamed, covered his ears and ran upstairs: "Don't tell me! I won't listen—"
Bian Xinyu ran very fast, shouting while running in a crying voice, knocked her father who was standing on the stairs aside, rushed up to the second floor and ran into her room, and slammed the door hard.
Then she heard crying faintly from her room.
"What's going on!" Dad finally came to his senses, staring at Bian Nan and asked.
"I..." Bian Nan felt that his hands were cold and his palms were full of sweat. His father's stern look made him almost lose the courage he had accumulated for a long time.
"What's the matter!" Auntie didn't bother to ask any more questions, and hurried upstairs, knocking on the door of Bian Xinyu's room anxiously, "Xinyu, what's the matter? What happened? You Open the door for mom..."
Bian Hao didn't speak, walked up to him and stared at him for a long time, then went upstairs.
"Dad," Bian Nan raised his head to look at his father, and opened his mouth with some difficulty, "Can we talk?"
Dad frowned, paused for a while, turned around and took a few steps up the stairs: "Come to my study."
"En." Bian Nan raised his legs and stepped up the stairs. As soon as he reached the second floor, he felt as if he was so tired that he was about to collapse, and his hands were shaking violently.
He didn't expect that when this scene really came, it would be so difficult to face.
"Bian Nan!" Bian Xinyu suddenly opened the door, pushed away Auntie and Bian Hao who were standing outside, and rushed towards him, "Why are you doing this!"
Bian Nan turned his head, and only had time to take a step back. Bian Xinyu had already rushed over and grabbed his arm: "Did you go to Valentine's Day with Qiu Yi, didn't you! Didn't you!"
Looking at her tear-stained face and red eyes, Bian Nan gritted his teeth, took a breath, and replied: "Yes."
"Why!" Bian Xinyu probably lost the last trace of fantasy, and roared, "You clearly know that I like Qiu Yi! You clearly know!"
"I..." Bian Nan felt that there was something wrong with Bian Xinyu's logic, but before he could open his mouth, Bian Xinyu's hand had already swung towards his face, and he turned his head quickly, Bian Xinyu's nails were on his neck I scratched it, and suddenly felt a burning pain.
"Xin Yu! What are you doing!" Dad yelled. Although Bian Xinyu was used to having a bad temper since she was a child, she had never acted in such a crazy way.
"Xinyu..." Auntie ran over, trying to grab Bian Xinyu, but she threw her away.
"Bian Nan, you did it on purpose! You clearly know that I like Qiu Yi! You did it on purpose!" Bian Xinyu pointed at him.
"Don't do this first." Bian Hao also rushed over and hugged Bian Xinyu, dragging her away.
Bian Xinyu couldn't hold back Bian Hao, crying and struggling, she still pointed at Bian Nan: "You bastard! Bian Nan, you are just like your mother! You should grab what others like!"
Bian Nan felt that he was shaking violently, and he held onto the railing next to him to stabilize himself.
Bian Xinyu's words pierced into his heart like a knife, and even stabbed and turned around.
"Xin Yu!" Bian Hao suppressed his voice, "What nonsense are you talking about!"
"I'm not talking nonsense! Bian Nan! Tell me you're with him! Tell me, tell me! You look at me like a fool every day and think about how happy he is! Tell me! You know that I like him...you Just be with your mother..." Bian Xinyu cried, but she didn't finish her sentence, Bian Hao covered her mouth and dragged her back into the room.
Although Bian Hao and Bian Xinyu have always disliked Bian Nan since they were young, but because of their father, all dissatisfaction is not directly expressed, unfriendly, unwelcoming, sneering, rolling eyes, fighting, even if it is Bian Xinyu's The sentence "original sin" does not directly refer to Bian Nan's mother.
Bian Nan could hear Bian Xinyu's words clearly, he couldn't hear other voices clearly, and Bian Xinyu was still shouting after being pulled into the room, and he couldn't hear them at all.
That's all I can think of.
Bian Nan, you are just like your mother! You have to grab what others like!
You have to grab what others like!
These words precisely hit the scar that he was least willing to touch in the past ten years.
Your mother is San'er, and you are the same as her. If others like you, you will grab it!
Bian Nan leaned lightly on the railing, shaking violently.
He felt that the railings were really strong, and he was shaking as if he had done some work, but the railings still didn't move at all.
really strong...
Auntie gave him a complicated look, and ran into Bian Xin's room.
"What's going on here?" Dad, who had been silent all this time, asked behind him, with obvious anger in his voice.
"Dad," Bian Nan closed his eyes, holding on to the railing, as if he would fall if he let go, "Qiu Yi and I... went to Valentine's Day."
"And then?" My father probably hadn't fully reacted yet, so he asked again.
"I like him," Bian Nan bit his lip, and looked back at his father, "I like Qiu Yi."
When Dad slapped him across the face, Bian Nan fell heavily to the corridor floor before he could even see the direction of his attack.
He also slipped back a short distance along the smooth floor.
He ran into Bian Hao who came out of Bian Xinyu's room.
Dad pointed at him and said something, but Bian Nan couldn't hear clearly, his ears were buzzing, accompanied by a sharp beep, which was more lethal than Bian Xinyu's crying.
He was dizzy from the sound.
After finishing speaking, Dad went upstairs with a dark face. Bian Nan propped his arms on the floor and leaned on Bian Hao's legs behind his back. He felt that everything in front of him was spinning rapidly with the wind.
Dad, as a mine owner who has worked hard in the mine since he was a teenager, the power of this slap is amazing. When Bian Hao retreated, he lay down directly on the ground.
Bian Hao pulled him up from the ground, and his legs slipped and supported several times before he stood firmly against the wall.
Bian Hao looked at him and said something.
Bian Nan only heard his voice amidst the buzzing noise, but couldn't hear what he said clearly.
"I can't hear you clearly." Bian Nan said softly.
Bian Hao didn't speak any more, and waited for a while before opening his mouth again: "What now?"
As the beeping faded away, there began to be some messy sounds around, like the noise from a radio that couldn't find a signal.
"En." Bian Nan replied.
"Go back to the house and stay there." Bian Hao's face was not very good-looking, he took a look at him and then walked upstairs, "This year is wonderful."
Bian Nan leaned against the wall and did not move.
The surroundings seemed to be quiet, Bian Xinyu said that there was no crying in the room, only auntie's soft voice could be heard, Bian Hao and his father went upstairs.
He was alone in the hallway.
He slowly squatted down to the ground along the wall, closing his eyes to try to calm himself down.
But he felt quite calm.
That is... Get out of the previous vortex quickly.
Bian Nan, you are just like your mother! You have to grab what others like!
Thinking of this sentence, he felt chills all over his body.
Even if this sentence has obvious flaws.
Just such a logically confusing sentence can beat him into the black with a stick.
amazing.
original sin.
Is it because of this, because he has a mother who is a third child, so he will fail in the face of such logic.
All carefully hidden sensitivities and low self-esteem rolled over like a tide.
Bian Nan didn't know how long he squatted in the corridor, until he walked out of the house, the house was quiet, no one came out of the room, no one paid attention to him.
Even the furious dad didn't come to beat him again.
Bian Nan shrinks his neck, it's so cold at night.
When the north wind blew across his face, the biting cold and the pungent slap on his face were quite ecstasy.
It was said that it was going to snow for the past two days, and the wind was blowing so hard at night that it blew through my clothes in a few blows.
Bian Nan wandered aimlessly on the deserted street, at first he felt very cold, but gradually he felt nothing.
He didn't know what time it was, and he didn't know where he had wandered.
He looked around, found a bench by the side of the road and sat down, the coldness coming from the bottom of his buttocks slowly refreshed the numb feeling on his body that had been blown by the wind.
He fumbled in his pocket, trying to check the time on his phone.
I want to make a call to Qiu Yi.
But the pocket is empty.
He used to keep his mobile phone in his trouser pocket, but he didn't know when it fell out.
Did it fall out when it was knocked to the ground by Dad's slap
He sighed softly, put his hands in his coat pockets, and stared at the fine sand and dust blown by the wind at his feet.
Speak out.
Although he was not mentally prepared enough.
The way of saying it is also quite confusing and bloody.
He didn't even have time to seriously express his thoughts to his father before he was slapped away.
But still said it.
Although he doesn't feel relieved now.
There is nothing to feel refreshed after holding back for so long.
He even fell into a vortex where he couldn't struggle because of Bian Xinyu's words.
He bowed his head and smiled.
He knew that he cared about his mother's identity as well as his own.
But I didn't know that I would care so much.
Still said it.
Time slowly slipped by in the old north wind.
Sitting on the bench, Bian Nan watched the moon slowly move from east to west, wondering whether he should go home or continue to stay here.
If you stay here overnight, will you catch a cold
Like Qiu Yi, he seldom gets sick, which is probably the biggest gain from being in the sports school for so many years.
When he was a child, he really wanted to get sick once, and he was especially envious of Bian Xinyu who was in poor health and could make his father and aunt nervous for a long time when he sneezed.
Now I really want to get sick, and I can get back my share of serving him twice from Qiu Yi once.
He laughed twice, he really didn't know how Qiu Yi would spare time to take care of him if he was sick.
Time passed quickly, Bian Nan hadn't figured out where he should go, his mind was full of random thoughts, and he didn't know when he had habitually strayed from the topic.
It should be habitually avoiding those things that make him helpless.
When it was a little bright, he stood up, and his buttocks lost consciousness. He patted his own buttocks with his hands behind his back for a long time, and the uncle who was pushing the cart next to him and was about to start selling breakfast kept looking at him.
He looked around, the environment was a little strange, but not completely unfamiliar, he smiled at the uncle: "Master, where is this?"
"China." The uncle looked at him.
"What?" Bian Nan was stunned.
Seeing his confused face, the uncle said again: "China, it's 2011 now..."
"Master, I didn't come here through time travel." Bian Nan couldn't help interrupting the words of the uncle, the uncle probably didn't wake up after reading too many novels last night.
"Oh," the uncle replied, Bian Nan felt as if he saw a trace of disappointment on the uncle's face, the uncle pointed to the street sign next to him, "Can't you see it?"
The name of the street was familiar, but Bian Nan couldn't remember where it was.
He felt that his mind was probably frozen, and his only thought now was that he should go to work.
He didn't care about the direction, and walked along the road, intending to find a station or subway entrance and see how to get there.
After walking for a while, he heard the sound of high heels hitting the ground in front of him.
Then I saw a pair of legs in cotton trousers.
He turned to one side, and when he was about to let go, a fairly familiar female voice sounded: "Oh, isn't this my son?"
Bian Nan was stunned for a moment, then raised his head abruptly.
His mother was wearing a set of cotton pajamas, holding money in her hand, and was looking at him in surprise.
Only then did Bian Nan suddenly remember the somewhat familiar place name, which was the street outside the neighborhood where his mother lived.
"...Mom." Bian Nan called her.
"It's amazing." Although the mother was dressed speechlessly, she still had delicate makeup on her face, which didn't match her clothes. She walked over and patted Bian Nan on the shoulder, "Why? Come and see me ? So filial this early in the morning? Did the sun rise in my pocket today!"
"I..." Seeing his mother in this situation, Bian Nan couldn't tell what it was like, "Passing by."
"Passing by?" My mother sneered, "I knew it. How could such a good thing happen? It's been a long time since I called to ask if I'm dead or not. Can you just come and see me?"
Bian Nan wanted to leave, but his mother grabbed his arm: "It's just right, we haven't seen each other for a long time, let's talk."
Mom probably came out to buy breakfast, but she didn't buy anything at the moment, and took him home directly.
Bian Nan felt that the only reason why his mother was so enthusiastic and anxious was wanting money.
The moment his mother pushed open the door, Bian Nan had the urge to turn his head and leave.
Sitting on the sofa in the room was a man smoking a cigarette.
"Who is this!" the man shouted when he saw Bian Nan.
"My son, dear son," the mother raised her voice and waved her hand at the man, "Go into the back room, I haven't seen my son for a long time and I want to chat."
"Oh." The man stood up as soon as he heard it, turned around and entered the back room.
"Let's talk about you first." Mom sat down on the sofa, lit a cigarette and drank it.
"I have nothing to say." Bian Nan stood still.
"Stop pretending," the mother laughed. "After all, you are my son. I was born. Can I not see that you have something to do?"
Bian Nan looked at his mother's smile with an unknown state of mind, and suddenly felt angry.
He gritted his teeth and stared at the smile on his mother's face. After a moment of silence, he opened his mouth. He never thought that he could be so calm when he said this.
It can be said so concisely and clearly.
I feel like I want to see the expression on my mother's face when she hears this.
"What?" Mom was stunned after hearing this, and suddenly laughed shrilly, the hand holding the cigarette was shaking from laughter, and the cigarette ash fell on the clothes, "You stole the man Bian Xinyu likes? God—”
Bian Nan stared at her silently.
My mother couldn't stop laughing, she burst into tears, she laughed and shouted in a high-pitched voice: "Bian Nan, you are so awesome, are you avenging your mother? Hahahahahaha... You are indeed my own son. Don't go grab Bian Hao's girlfriend hahahaha grab a man, don't you feel sick... you're disgusting..."
Bian Nan picked up a cup on the coffee table and slammed it hard at his mother. The cup wiped her face and hit the wall backwards.
The sound of the glass breaking stopped Mom's laughter.
"What?" Mom touched her face, her smile disappeared, and she looked at him with a blank look in her eyes, "You hate me? Is it my fault?"
"I don't blame you, and I don't hate you." Bian Nan leaned closer to her and said word by word, "I just look down on you, and that's the end of the pain you brought me, today and now."
Mom didn't speak, and the expression on her face was a little elusive.
Bian Nan didn't speak any more, turned around and opened the door and went out.
"Bian Nan!" His mother shouted behind him.
Bian Nan slammed the door.
When Bian Xinyu pointed at his nose and scolded him, when he was swept by his aunt's complicated eyes, and when he was slapped by his father, he only felt scared and confused.
When he walked out of his mother's house, he suddenly wanted to cry.
Not because of anything else, just because my mother shouted out with a smile, you are disgusting.
No one said this word, and they didn't hear it when they were scolded or beaten, but they heard it from their own mother's mouth.
You're really gross.
Disgusting
Why disgusting.
Bian Nan walked forward quickly, and could hear his chaotic breathing.
He walked out of the gate of the community, rushed into an open grocery store, looked at the boss who was tallying the goods and asked, "Is there a phone?"
"No..." The boss looked at him and immediately shook his head.
Bian Nan knew that his current appearance should not be very good-looking. After a night of wind, he was tired, depressed, and suffocated. He probably looked a bit like a fugitive.
He didn't speak any more, just pushed the boss away, glanced under the cashier's small desk, and pulled out the phone in the drawer: "I'll make a call."
"What are you doing!" The boss didn't know what he was going to do, and came over anxiously to stop him.
"Let me make a call! I don't understand!" Bian Nan roared, picked up the phone, and quickly dialed Qiu Yi's cell phone number.
The boss froze to one side, staring at him.
"Hello?" Qiu Yi's voice came from over there.
When he heard these three words, Bian Nan's whole body suddenly softened, as if the tight thread had been pulled away abruptly, and he sat down on the chair next to him.
"I want to see you, now," he said.
"I'm about to go out to make up lessons..." Qiu Yi said while eating, his voice was a little breathless, it should be packing while eating.
"I want to see you! Now!" Bian Nan said.
Qiu Yi paused: "Okay, where is it?"
"You came with me at the gate of my mother's neighborhood." Bian Nan said softly.
"Wait for me." Qiu Yi said.
After hanging up the phone, Bian Nan felt sleepy and leaned against the back of the chair not wanting to move.
The boss was still staring at him. He glanced at the boss and fumbled in his pocket for a long time, but the wallet was gone, but he found a piece of money.
He took it out and looked at it, it was one hundred, and he put the money on the table.
"What?" The boss looked at him.
"Telephone bill." Bian Nan said.
"... No need, just leave after calling." The boss was very nervous.
"I'll sit down and wait for a friend." Bian Nan didn't move.
Twenty minutes later, the boss was still standing aside and staring at him, Bian Nan didn't say anything more, staring at the occasional people passing by outside and the gradually increasing number of cars.
A taxi drove over quickly and stopped on the side of the road.
The car door opened, Qiu Yi jumped out of the car, and looked to both sides.
"Qiu Yi!" Bian Nan roared, the moment he saw Qiu Yi, he suddenly felt an indescribable grievance, and he didn't know what the grievance was.
The boss trembled when he yelled at him.
Bian Nan jumped up and ran out of the small shop, and rushed towards Qiu Yi.
I don't know if it's because I didn't sleep all night, or because I got sick because of the wind, or because I was fainted by my father's slap, or maybe because I was angry with my mother...
He felt a little weak in his legs.
When rushing in front of Qiu Yi, he directly knelt on the ground.
"Hey! What's the matter?" Qiu Yi was taken aback, looked around, knelt down, and changed to one knee after thinking about it.
"Dabao." Bian Nan tried to stand up, but failed, and fell to the ground.
Qiu Yi hurriedly supported his shoulders: "Kowtow and goodbye, it's not easy to return the gift."
"Your uncle," Bian Nan suddenly laughed, "I'll fuck you, Qiu Yi."
Qiu Yi smiled and said nothing, Bian Nan couldn't hold back his laughter, watching Qiu Yi keep laughing.
Laughed for a long time, tears slid down the face.
What a fucking shame.
"It's okay," Qiu Yi hugged him and patted him on the back, "It's okay."