Mo Xi raised his face suddenly.
In the dim candle, Gu Mang's eyelashes trembled lightly, and then he slowly opened his eyes. Those blue eyes were as deep as the sea.
He stared at Mo Xi in a daze, all consciousness had not yet come to his senses, and only instinct controlled his expression, so that thin face was relaxed and soft, just like "Brother Gu Mang" should have, it was extremely gentle .
"My princess...why are you crying..."
He murmured with a sigh, but before Mo Xi could answer, Gu Mang's dreamy expression disappeared, and he gradually woke up. So what is almost visible to the naked eye - surprise, fear, persistence, cruelty, remorse... Every emotion is a fragment of his past, surging up like a tidal wave, washing away the tenderness in his eyes.
After all these emotions subsided, Gu Mang stood up abruptly, withdrew his hand from Mo Xi's palm, his face was the kind of cruel mask he was used to wearing: "Mo Xi, are you crazy?! Who made you go crazy?! Come to Asura to find me? Do you know—"
But what interrupted him was Mo Xi's sudden embrace, the man's warm and firm embrace hugged him firmly, as if to fish him out of the frozen three-foot lake and rub it into his long-lost world. moon.
Gu Mang's blue eyes suddenly widened. He was so surprised and frightened that Mo Xi was holding him like this, so much that he forgot what he wanted to say.
Mo Xi hugged him tightly, his chin pressed against the top of his hair, and he kept kissing and stroking his hair.
"I already know everything."
With just one sentence, Gu Mang's whole body was tense, he struggled, trying to push Mo Xi away. But before he exerted any strength, he felt the man holding him trembling slightly, Mo Xi said hoarsely, "Senior brother, stop talking nonsense, and stop doing stupid things."
Gu Mang was almost at a loss.
For so many years, he has always regarded himself as a fake, and he built the hardest clam shell, so that the world can only see his ruthless determination, hatred and cruelty. But when he woke up, he found that his disguise had been stabbed to shreds, and the person he wanted to protect the most appeared in front of him with red eyes, reaching out to touch his soft heart that had no escape.
He almost instinctively denied: "Mo Xi—you just don't know much about it. Besides, what does my business have to do with you? I told you earlier that we are not the same people, I don't... I don't... "
Mo Xi's response was to put his hand on the back of his head, his voice was deep and nasal, and he said, "You are not that kind of person at all."
Gu Mang: "…"
They seemed to be separated by a layer of ice, and Mo Xi outside wanted to hug Gu Mang under the ice. No matter how cold Xuan Bing was, he would not retreat, so the ice layer melted away little by little and collapsed little by little.
"You don't want to kill at all, and you don't want to fight. You never thought about killing me, or wanting to take revenge on anyone..."
Mo Xi's voice was low. He was crying when Gu Mang fell asleep, but now that Gu Mang woke up, he didn't want to. Gu Mang had suffered enough. He didn't want to let this soft and tough life worry about him and feel uncomfortable for him.
"Eight years, Gu Mang, you are suffering..."
"I'm sorry, I didn't understand you."
Every time he said a word, Gu Mang's trembling in his arms became clearer. But when the last sentence was uttered, Gu Mang felt like he was about to be crushed by something at this moment. He shrank so much that Mo Xi could even hear the low choking in his throat, and could feel something. Warm liquid soaked into his chest.
"No... No no..." Gu Mang pushed and shoved randomly, Mo Xi had only seen his elder brother Gu Mang's smart and shrewd appearance before, but now he was forced to a dead end and still struggled to tell a lie, just to protect him, Brother Gu, who didn't let him get close to him, was so clumsy, clumsy and stubborn, clumsy and pitiful.
It was so clumsy that his whole heart throbbed.
Gu Mang didn't know what else he could explain or sacrifice. He was just protecting others. This kind of protection had become an instinct carved into his bones. Clawed dragons are generally at a loss.
He kept repeating: "It's not like that... you don't understand..."
Mo Xi held his hand, his eyes were slightly red: "Do you have to push me away?"
"… "
"It's been so many years, brother, do you know what's the most painful thing for me? It's not that you stabbed me, it's not that you left me, it's that you have become a person I don't know at all... You know how much I was at that time. sad?"
"I know that you want to protect me and don't want to implicate me, but I have already told you that I have no one close to you in this world except you. When you are protecting me, why don't you want to? What is the most cruel thing for me to think? Am I afraid of suffering with you, afraid of being criticized and criticized? - I am afraid that you will never come back to me again, Gu Mang, I am afraid that you will leave Ah!" Mo Xi closed his eyes, even though he could hold back the tears, his eyelashes were already wet.
"For so many years... I have always been sincere to you. I always hoped that my sincerity could be exchanged for your sincerity, but after so much, do you like me or not, whether you want to be with me or not, these are all It doesn't matter anymore... I just ask you..."
He stroked Gu Mang's head, lowered his eyes and kissed Gu Mang's forehead, resisting the trembling of his voice, and said hoarsely, "I just ask you to give me the chance to protect you and accompany you... I just want to guard you... You really can't tell me the truth, can't you share even a little bit of the burden on your shoulders?"
"Gu Mang... I'm also your brother-in-law. Would you rather fall into a cold cave than let me live like this... "
What he said was so sincere and affectionate, but Gu Mang only felt extremely uncomfortable.
Eight years.
From the day Gu Mang decided to become the secret agent, he had planned for Mo Xi's future. But at that time, they were still so young and had not experienced the pain of love, so Gu Mang naively thought that as long as he was unfeeling, this young man would feel that it would be extremely painful to love him.
As long as it hurts, Mo Xi will let go sooner or later.
But he kept waiting, waiting.
The Mo Xi he stabbed was full of blood, and the Mo Xi he stabbed was wounded, but Mo Xi never put him down. Over the years, he had always hoped that Mo Xi could take their past love lightly, hoped that Mo Xi could live a stable life, marry a gentle and virtuous wife, and have a group of lively and lovely children.
The unstoppable love and affection that happened when he was young and frivolous will sooner or later be washed away by time into ink marks that can no longer be seen - that's what he originally thought about Mo Xi.
But he still got one thing wrong in the end: love and dislike in this world can indeed be changed, but the heart is always the one.
Mo Xi has never been a casual person. On the day he decided to confess to Gu Mang, what he gave to Gu Mang was not his love.
but his heart.
his…
Suddenly, Gu Mang realized that something was wrong. He pressed it against Mo Xi's chest and could sense that Mo Xi's spiritual current was so weak that his spiritual core was almost broken.
Before the coma, the situation in the Shura room seemed to flash before his eyes again - when Mo Xi came to save him, his face was terrifyingly pale, could it be that...
Gu Mang raised his head abruptly: "Where did you know these truths?"
"… "
"You went to Bat Island again? Did you use the time mirror again?"
Mo Xi looked at his suddenly tense face, and stared into those uneasy blue eyes. Slowly, there was a soft and sad smile between his brows.
"Are you worried about me?"
Without waiting for Gu Mang to answer, he lowered his head and kissed Gu Mang's forehead as if he was afraid of being denied and rejected: "I'm fine."
But Gu Mang's heart seemed to be torn apart, all kinds of guesses flooded into his heart and then faded away, leaving only the most clear answer left on the beach.
This time Gu Mang didn't ask, he murmured, tears streaming down his soft face, he said, "...Yes...Shi Yujian..."
The long eyelashes suddenly closed, Gu Mang endured and suppressed, as if he wanted to say something to draw the gap between them.
But…
Eight years. Even the cruelty of life and death could not stop Mo Xi from chasing him and walked to this path full of thorns. The obstacles he set, the dangers he left behind, did not stop the young man in the end.
His younger brother still caught up. He turned his head in the dark and saw that his lover eight years ago was no longer so young. He was dusty and blood-stained, and the only thing that didn't change was those stubborn and bright eyes. . The lover whom he had abandoned ran to him, overtook him, and stood in the thorns, panting, and saying to him—
Senior Brother, Gu Mang, I'm here to pick you up, let's go home.
The ice surface was completely shattered with a bang, breaking into thousands of pieces of sparkling light, and the man who had been sleeping for a long time under the ice was finally embraced by his younger brother.
Gu Mang couldn't hold it any longer. The string that had been tense for eight years finally snapped. He finally burst into tears. He kept saying, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
It was I who despised your affection and did not understand your stubborn heart.
It was I who made the choice for you, without asking which way you would like to go.
It's because I didn't respect your wishes, didn't understand what you care about most, and imposed my plan on your destiny.
It's me who has been deceiving you... not giving you a chance to go together...
Eight years.
I've hurt you, I've hurt you, I've alienated you, I've hurt you, I've done everything to disappoint you, and even nearly killed you—
Why don't you look back, my little fool, my princess.
Why are you still risking your body and bones to dig out the truth, and then wearing a cloak and rain, you come to me with scars, why are you so stupid.
"Mo Xi, I'm sorry..."
Mo Xi's hand stroking his hair gave a slight pause, he would be wrong, so he said: "It doesn't matter, I know what you chose, and I also know what you endured, suffered, and paid for this choice... Don't need to apologize to me, in fact, I told you already, if you really don't like me and want to be free, I won't force it anymore, as long as you can come back..." He said, his eyes slowly turned red, his lips He gently touched Gu Mang's forehead.
Like the most sincere prayer.
"As long as you are fine, you can let me accompany you, give me the opportunity to share with you... Gu Mang, my good senior brother, that's enough."
Speaking of which, he was probably afraid that his hug would make Gu Mang feel careless, so he lowered his head again, and touched Gu Mang's forehead with his chin with nostalgia, intending to release it.
But at this moment, he was suddenly hugged back by a violent force, and Gu Mang hugged him all of a sudden, like an outcast beast finally returning to his comrade, Gu Mang was completely unable to cry, this displaced and lonely man was too much. For a long time, the man who had endured too much and kept secrets alone for eight years finally collapsed in the arms of his lover and cried. Sadness and pain are all shed in these tears.
Gu Mang hugged Mo Xi's waist tightly, his long and soft eyes were wet and pitiful, he finally cried and said the words that had been in his heart for all these years, almost rotten: "...it hurts... Mo Xi ... I'm really in so much pain..."
Mo Xi was hugged by him. This kind of hug was like someone who was about to drown grabbing a piece of driftwood. So desperate and so tired, his heart was suddenly clenched. He touched Gu Mang's head and lowered his head. He murmured: "I know, I know..."
"I am alone in everything I do... I can only be alone in everything I do... I can't say a word to the people around me for so many years, and I will kill the people of my own country, monks... Kill me Siblings... It's really painful... Mo Xi... "
Mo Xi choked: "Yes... I know... "
"I'm really going to be driven crazy... It's like every day, every night, every moment, a knife is piercing me hard, but I still have to say... Well, it's fun..." Gu Mang trembled, suffering in pain. He closed his eyes, "...I don't want to kill people...I want to go back to Chonghua...I think Lu Zhanxing is still alive, I think nothing happened..."
"I know, I know, you say it, you will feel better when you say it, I will accompany you, I will always be by your side..."
Gu Mang didn't say anything. Gu Mang opened his eyes that were blue with tears. After a while, he murmured in a low voice, "I don't want to leave you either..."
"I—" Mo Xiyuan couldn't stop trying to comfort him, and kept saying that I know and understand you, but when he heard this, he was startled.
For a long time, neither of the two broke the silence again, only the sound of the pounding heartbeat.
one, one, one...
So urgent, so fast, as if the mantra that had been in my heart for so many years was about to break out of the ground.
Gu Mang said softly, that tough and strong person who exudes a calming force all the time, but at this moment is so cowardly.
As if a poor and frightened man was cautiously opening his arms, trying to embrace an expensive gift he had thought he was destined to receive.
He said in a low voice: "I don't want to lie to you... I don't want you to go, I, I never wanted to... "
"… "
"I don't want to see you go, I don't want to see you with anyone else."
Mo Xi's hand stopped. His handsome and beautiful face suddenly paled and turned red. He had obviously given up hope, thinking that he was just a senior brother, as long as Gu Mang was healthy, happy, and relaxed. , whatever is fine. He will never force him again, never force him again, and make it difficult for him.
But Gu Mang's words seemed to rekindle the fire that he had just extinguished with his own hands.
Gu Mang closed his eyes, so many years of disguise finally fell apart at this moment.
He said: "Mo Xi, I really like you..."
Mo Xi's heartbeat seemed to stop at this moment, he looked at the person in front of him, at that wet, haggard, but real face.
He had the best dream in his life, and he didn't dare to hear Gu Mang say these words sincerely.
"I like you, I have always liked you... I'm sorry, I used to be too selfish, I didn't think about what you really want, what you really fear, I just want to protect you in my own way, but I don't know... but I don't know..."
But I didn't know that you would stumble and chase after eight years, and let down the best youth, just to find me back. I didn't know you've identified a person for a lifetime from such a young age.
I don't know that even after so much, you are still willing to accompany me in the end, even if you go to hell.
Gu Mang didn't say any more, his face was lifted by Mo Xi, Mo Xi's eyes were wet, he raised his hand and wiped away the tears on Gu Mang's face little by little.
Whispered: "But I don't know that I like you so much? Can I like you for so long?"
Gu Mang lowered his eyelashes and said softly, "I'm sorry... I lied to you for so many years."
"… "
"Do you still want me?"
"Fool... From the first time I confessed to you, I said that I knew someone for a lifetime." Mo Xi's heart was trembling, but he still tried his best to maintain his composure.
He could no longer cry in front of Gu Mang, he warned himself.
So he bent his moist phoenix eyes, and he unfolded a smile that seemed to be infinitely bright, but also infinitely sad, and he said, "The things I promised you are all for the rest of my life. It's only been eighth Nian, you and I still have a long way to go in this life, why do you think I don't want you."
These two people who have endured countless forced lies and experienced many ups and downs, looked at each other stupidly, because they finally reunited, so no one cried anymore, but because they both knew life in their hearts Although the road is long, it is destined to never be healthy again. It is not like before, so no one can let go of the happy words.
They have long been tortured by fate and the current situation, but when those two pairs of wet eyes stared at each other, they were still choked up, slowly picking up all the courage and warmth from their hearts, and facing each other They tried their best to open up the softest smiles they could show now.
A pair of scarred and trapped beasts finally embraced each other without any gaps or barriers, the ice melted, and they could finally absorb the warmth from each other and share the pain on each other.
From then on, no matter whether there is an endless cold lake or April in the world, he is always with him and will never be separated.