When Su Yingxue asked this question, deep down she wanted to try to create an atmosphere of love and affection between the two of them. She was not proficient in this, and could even say she had no experience, but she was willing to try. It was also a change in her heart.
She realized that if she wanted to hold on to Li Mu, she could no longer be as hesitant about the progress of their relationship as before. Li Mu had also taken the initiative, but because of her hesitation, Li Mu was no longer taking the initiative. , in this case, if you still hesitate, then this relationship will definitely not be good.
Li Mu's thoughts suddenly went back to his previous life.
Working alone in Yanjing, dragging his exhausted body back to the rented house every day and lying on the single bed, he would always think about things in his mind involuntarily, or think about some realistic tasks at hand. What to do next, how to implement a certain function, how to solve a certain BUG; or else, just think about something completely wishful thinking.
For example, I imagine that I have a luxury car and can travel all over China; I imagine that my annual salary is over one million, I can buy a house and a car in Yanjing, and even bring my parents over to enjoy the happiness; I imagine that I can be with Su Yingxue, that way , I will no longer have such sleepless nights. Every night, I can hold her in my arms and fall asleep with great satisfaction.
Many times, Li Mu would be extremely immersed in his thoughts, imagining Su Yingxue being with him, imagining his life being perfectly integrated with hers, imagining himself working with her to run a better life together, making everyone envious, and thinking too much. , I didn’t even fall asleep until three or four in the morning. I was in that half-dream and half-awake state. All my imagination was still controlled by my brain, but it was precisely because of this half-dream and half-awake that I felt different. reality.
The price of this is usually that the next day, an extremely exhausted body and mind must be dragged through a whole day of high-intensity work, but Li Mu is always happy with it. For him at that time, every late night when he was half asleep and half awake was the time to The most exciting moment in boring life.
Thinking of this, Li Mu felt inspired, closed his eyes and whispered softly: "I want to lie quietly in bed and hold you, and stay up without sleeping."
Su Yingxue's voice was a little shy: "Why don't you sleep? What bad ideas are you thinking about?"
Li Mu chuckled stupidly: "I didn't have any bad intentions, I just wanted to hold you until three or four o'clock, until I was in a daze, and in the most silent place, to experience the multiple fusions of dreams and reality. "
"Multiple fusions of dreams and reality? What does it mean?" Su Yingxue didn't understand.
I thought that Li Mu would say something provocative and explicit, and I even plucked up the courage to cater to him as much as possible on the phone, but I didn't expect that his answer left me a little confused.
Li Mu, who was already extremely tired, closed his eyes and his mental state became a little accelerated. Physically and mentally exhausted, he rolled lazily on the bed. Deep in his heart, he caught the state of tossing and turning in the middle of the night, both real and illusory. .
At this time, Li Mu no longer regarded himself as the so-called billionaire in his heart, as if he had returned to his previous life, back to the situation when he was half asleep and half awake, and everything was left to his imagination.
Thinking of Su Yingxue, Li Mu actually felt a little sad.
Without answering Su Yingxue's question, Li Mu said in a daze: "I want to sing a song for you..."
Su Yingxue felt sweet in her heart and couldn't help but said excitedly: "You sing, I'm listening!"
Li Mu didn't warm up and started humming Zhang Zhenyue's "What to Do" directly.
"You are my only sweet dream,
It's also my only worry,
what to do…
Whenever the night sky is full of stars,
There is always a little emptiness in my heart,
what to do…
You always pass by in a hurry,
You never stop,
And I'm waiting,
An answer for you.
An indescribable loneliness,
A feeling of no reliance,
what to do…
Alone on a late autumn night,
Should I walk away slowly
what should I do… "
Li Mu sang softly, and even because he was dazed and half asleep, he couldn't even pronounce words clearly in some places, but he sang with great care. This song represented all his feelings for Su Yingxue in his previous life, whether it was his infatuation for so many years or not. Whether it’s stubbornness, self-deception, or unwillingness, it’s all in this song.
In Li Mu's personal opinion, this song is simply the most perfect expression and interpretation of secret love. It is written from a first-person perspective throughout. It seems to be a confession to the girl he has a crush on, but Li Mu can understand this song very well. The deep affection and helplessness contained in it, this is not a confession, this is clearly a coward who dares to love but dare not say it, dares to think but dare not do it, and can only think and talk to himself in the middle of the night. Just an inner monologue.
Isn't this his true portrayal of Su Yingxue in his previous life
In his last life, Li Mu was not really just waiting for Su Yingxue. He was also constantly in contact with other girls. It was just that it was difficult for him to give up his obsession with Su Yingxue in his heart, which made it difficult for him to fully control other emotions. Heart invested.
The inability to devote himself wholeheartedly is the main reason why Li Mu is still single in his thirties. No matter how mediocre he is, at least he is still a white-collar worker, and he is not bad looking. There are girls who are willing to fall in love with him. There are girls who have sex with each other, but because he is unable to devote himself wholeheartedly to girls who are willing to live with him for a long time or are willing to marry him, Li Mu has never met any girls in his previous life.
If there was a similar girl in his previous life who was willing to stay with him forever, even if Li Mu still had Su Yingxue in his heart, he would not be able to wait foolishly for Su Yingxue to be in her thirties. To him, Su Yingxue was what the lyrics sung:
"You are my only sweet dream and my only trouble. What should I do?"
Everyone has a dream, and even if the dream does not come true, most people can accept the reality with peace of mind. But once the dream turns into trouble, then they really don’t know what to do.
In his previous life, Li Mu couldn't accept the gap between his dreams and reality, so he was stuck in it and couldn't extricate himself.
Moreover, the most important thing is that Li Mu is such a passive animal in the emotional world. He is used to secret love, used to suppressing feelings in his heart, and used to suppressing his own needs, while Su Yingxue is also an emotionally passive person. The product, two passive people, is like two sets of transmission systems, with obvious functional conflicts. Without engine drive, how can two sets of transmission systems make four wheels run
It is precisely for this reason that Zhao Ziqiu seems so in tune with Li Mu's emotional world and so natural. She is enthusiastic and proactive. After realizing Li Mu's emotional passivity, she immediately transformed herself into a The constantly burning engine and surging power are delivered to Li Mu. Once you get Li Mu to move, the car will start running.
Li Mu subconsciously felt that there was a problem between himself and Su Yingxue, but he never figured out where this problem came from.
He used to feel that having Su Yingxue by his side was proof of his rebirth, and he seemed to have received great satisfaction, but he had neglected how to manage their relationship well.
Holding on to the deep-rooted imprint of his previous life, he formalized and symbolized Su Yingxue in his mind, without making any efforts to remove this imprint and transform her from a symbolic symbol into a real existence. Because of this, Su Yingxue has always been She didn't really get into his life, which eventually led to the relationship between the two becoming more and more passive.
At this moment, Li Mu finally realized the problem between himself and Su Yingxue. The problem was not with her. After all, she had never experienced rebirth. She was just such a slow and passive person. But if she never did her best, the two of them would inevitably stagnate. Not before, but now Su Yingxue has already accepted herself. If she had been more proactive, the situation might not be as passive as it is now.
With this in mind, Li Mu also sang the chorus of this song. At this time, Li Mu sang even more affectionately and sincerely:
"Stand at the door of your heart,
I don’t know what’s in your heart,
Is there me...
I really want to pause the whole world’s time,
so that I can give my heart,
Let you see clearly..."
At this time, Su Yingxue quietly listened to Li Mu's soft singing, and her heart was completely attracted by Li Mu's singing voice full of true feelings. She didn't know why Li Mu sang this song to her, because in her opinion, this song seemed to be similar to Li Mu's. It doesn't match her feelings. The reality is here. Su Yingxue can't believe that Li Mu has such deep affection for her.
However, every word Li Mu said seemed to contain a kind of magic, a kind of magic that hit the heart. Su Yingxue could not believe it, but at the same time, she felt ambivalently that this should be Li Mu's inner feelings for her.
The extreme contradiction also made Su Yingxue feel a strong sense of unreality, as if she was in a dream, and she couldn't tell what was true and what was false.
After singing the song, Li Mu felt as if a huge boulder had been lifted from his heart. He finally understood that his mistake in his previous life was that he failed to cut through the knot quickly, and his mistake in this life was that he failed to distinguish different realities and failed to get rid of the previous life in time. The negative impact that procrastination brings to oneself.
Su Yingxue is already his girlfriend in this life, why do I still have the same feeling of reality and fantasy in my previous life
At this moment, all the regrets and regrets were discarded by him, and the mark from the previous life began to become blurred. Li Mu made up his mind to no longer be shackles and troubles from the previous life, and to find a new way, a normal and normal life. Take the initiative to manage the relationship between yourself and Su Yingxue.
Thinking of this, Li Mu said affectionately: "I miss you very much now. It feels like every cell in my body is missing you..."
…
(End of chapter)