Dou Xun couldn't believe it: "What did you say?"
Xu Xilin let go of his hand and sat upright slightly: "I said let's forget it, Dou Xun, I can't hold on anymore."
Dou Xun seemed to be stunned and stood there dumbfounded. The reflex arc seemed to have a problem for a while. He understood every word, but didn't understand what it meant. Xu Xilin glanced at him and got up to go downstairs. Xun Rumeng woke up and grabbed his elbow. In a hurry, he blurted out, "I'm sorry."
Xu Xilin was stunned for a while, because he hadn't heard much, but he actually heard something sour and fresh.
Dou Xun is like those two hundred and five knights in the story. He can't learn a set of kung fu in half his life. Only when life and death are on the line, a flash of inspiration suddenly opens up the two veins of Ren and Du.
Without a teacher, he broke a locked gate on his tongue, and said "I'm sorry", and the rest of the words suddenly went a lot easier.
"May I apologize? I was wrong, I..." Dou Xun pursed his lips nervously, "It's because I have a bad temper and don't choose what to say. You forgive me this time, there will be no next time."
Xu Xilin felt for a moment that this was not something Dou Xun would say.
But then I thought about it again and thought the idea was a bit ridiculous - who can't speak Chinese? Children of several years can use 3,000 sentences of everyday language proficiently, how to say a confession, how to say an apology, even if no one teaches it, haven't you watched TV? Haven't read the book? The kindergarten primary school teacher did not teach it
No matter how bad it is, haven't you heard anyone else say it
Will this be possible? Willing to say or not.
Dou Xun didn't hear his answer for a long time, he held Xu Xilin's hand tighter, rubbed Xu Xilin's sleeve into a handful of dried pickles, and added wisely, "One more time, you will let me die."
... This sentence is Dou-xiong's style.
Xu Xilin bent the corner of his mouth, raised his hand and touched Dou Xun's head.
Dou Xun didn't dare to move, he held his breath and looked at him, then Xu Xilin pulled out his arm involuntarily: "I'm sorry."
Dou Xun's face instantly seemed to be stepped on, still struggling to resist: "I'm sorry, I..."
As soon as Xu Xilin raised his hand, Dou Xun closed his mouth as if he had been trained.
"My fault." Xu Xilin said to him, never mentioning what happened the night before. His eyes wandered around Dou Xun's clean and tidy room, and finally landed on the corner of the table - there was an empty chocolate box, The chocolate inside had been eaten long ago, and there was only a dozen gold foil sheets that were pressed flat, and an ugly peach heart was stuck on the plastic box.
"I may really not have that great ability, I can't walk with you any longer... I can't love you anymore." Xu Xilin said gently, "It's not the same as what I said before, um... I'm treachery, it's not a thing. "
Xu Xilin felt completely unreasonable. He didn't know why. He felt that indiscriminately taking all the faults on himself, he felt a lot better. As he talked, he seemed to fall into some kind of self-hypnosis. He began to unswervingly believe that the two of them had come to this point, and it was entirely his problem, that he was sorry for Dou Xun.
He didn't have time to think about the name of the imposed crime, and he couldn't say why - but in fact, he didn't have to explain it, just let himself believe it.
It's probably a little happier and easier for him to deny himself than to deny this relationship. He is the lesser of two powers.
Dou Xun's face was almost transparent, and he shook his head instinctively. He shook his head when Xu Xilin said anything, but didn't listen to anything.
Xu Xilin's tone was no different from the usual time when he was joking and coaxing Dou Xun to play. It was flat and indifferent, and the speed of speech was very slow. The body temperature leaked out of his heart, leaving him with nothing.
Xu Xilin looked away from him and started ringing in his ears again. He didn't know if he was slapped by Song Lianyuan. It seemed to be a little more serious than when he woke up in the morning. He took Dou Xun's hand and said, "Don't be like this, Bean paste, I really can't live with it, can I give you a meal to relieve my anger?"
Dou Xun subconsciously curled up his fingers and pulled them back. He had a precise intuition. If the two of them were angry with each other and quarreled with each other, even if the roof was lifted, there would still be room for them to turn around in the future. But the moment Xu Xilin said it was "his fault", Dou Xun knew that he had no hope.
In his boyhood, he was isolated and angry, and Xu Xilin painted it with many colors bit by bit. He thought there would be a colorful ending, but he was only halfway through the painting. He broke the palette and was about to give up halfway. Dou Xun is also like a painting that died in the middle, with half of the makeup on the face, and the other half is deserted, which makes his face even more disgusting.
The lost time, the lost life, the broken mirror, the dying love... are all irreversible, no apology, let alone crying.
Xu Xilin: "In the future... do something you like, don't force yourself, eh? If you need anything, come to me at any time, and I will do my best, okay?"
Dou Xun was engulfed by the overwhelming panic, and he cried out in his heart: "Don't you want me?"
But his mouth has automatically turned panic into anger: "What right do you have to decide for me?"
Xu Xilin stood two steps away from him with an unchanging expression, tired and quiet, and offered his "I'm sorry" Dafa. No matter what Dou Xun said, he would accept it, but he did not waver.
Dou Xun grabbed him by the collar: "I didn't say we wanted to separate!"
Xu Xilin had no intention of resisting, he staggered a few steps and bumped into the desk next to him. He subconsciously stretched out his hand to support the chocolate box on the corner of the desk.
Xu Xilin closed his eyes.
Dou Xun suddenly collapsed: "I'll do whatever you ask me to do in the future? Can't I do it separately?"
"I want you to continue reading the book and do what you should do," Xu Xilin said quietly, "when you think of me occasionally in the future, you can come back and have a look, I'll treat you to beef jerky, if it's somewhere else If you are wronged, you can come back and live occasionally, I will keep the house for you…”
Dou Xun's roar interrupted him: "Then we're fine, right?"
Xu Xilin was silent for a while: "We are friends who grew up together. If you say a word in the future, I will open the Daoshan oil pan for you."
"You don't want me, why are you pretending to be peaceful?" Dou Xun's voice suddenly rose, "I'll tell you again, I'm not your friend! I'm not your brother! You have to share—well, from now on, we will be cut off from each other. , I don't want to see you in my life!
He desperately poured out a stern threat, expecting Xu Xilin's retreat.
But Xu Xilin didn't flinch, he just closed his mouth by default and didn't speak.
Dou Xun looked at him deeply, his shaky heart finally cracked open, and the strong emotion burst out, which soon turned into a stronger poison. Dou Xun's heart was inextricably intertwined with love and hatred. He wanted to strangle Xu Xilin for a while, and at the same time, he searched in his heart for 108,000 ways to restore his feelings.
Just then, the downstairs doorbell rang, followed by a grey parrot siren screeching.
Xu Xilin glanced at Dou Xun, went downstairs to open the door, his sleeves swept across a messy table, and the chocolate box he had just put on his hand fell to the ground with a crisp sound. The alarmed Dou Xun inadvertently glanced out the window and saw the building Dou Junliang's car was parked next.
Then he hated the flames of fire, and his feelings were all over the place, and he retreated to nowhere, and was finally swallowed by one bite.
Hundreds and eight thousand roads all disappeared together.
Dou Xun seemed to be strangled by his throat, his breathing paused for a moment, then he kicked the door and ran downstairs with a sullen face, his voice cracked, and roared: "Xu Xilin!"
The grey parrot blew its feathers up in front of the stranger.
Xu Xilin handled things so well, as if he had anticipated his entanglement, and he refused to spare any effort. Dou Xun had never hated a person so much in his life. No matter how deep his love was, his hatred was so deep that he devoured Xu Xilin alive. I couldn't get rid of one or two. The mean words that came from the mouth in the past all disappeared, and the reason was burned to the extreme, and the words could not be spoken.
Xu Xilin didn't look at him, and gave Dou Junliang a scribbled nod. He turned around and left as if he had handed over the goods to a courier company. Dou Xun grabbed his wrist.
Since Dou Junliang has approached Xu Xilin once, he has nothing else to say. He has put pressure on the two of them. Pushing too hard will easily backfire. It is better to be patient and wait slowly. . If the road to deviate from the crowd is so easy to take, where have there been so many deviant elopement jokes throughout the ages
Every day from 9 to 5, I like to watch other people’s life and death adventures. Every day they are ordinary and silent, I like to see others shining brightly. Every day, I like to watch others go out of their way.
At this moment, Dou Junliang waited at the entrance and didn't enter the house, just glanced at his troubled son, and said with a sullen face, "Dou Xun, don't let people look down on you."
Dou Xun's hand suddenly loosened as if it was burned. However, Xu Xilin didn't leave, as if he was intentionally waiting for him to scold him twice.
After waiting for a long time, Dou Xun finally said a whole sentence: "You are cruel."
Xu Xilin didn't know what to say. At this stage of the field, he didn't seem to say anything.
Dou Xun's eyes were flushed, with no tears, as if they were bloodshot. He looked back at Xu Xilin with a knife in his eyes, as if to peel off his flesh and carve two scratches on the bones.
"It's okay, right?" Dou Xun nodded, "Okay."
A few years ago, he said "I don't like it now, get out" and a few years later, he said "OK".
There is no word "break up" in his dictionary, only "break up".
Dou Xun left without even changing his shoes that day. He didn't even look back. He was like a homeless man who went away in anger and self-imposed exile. The compromise and concession that he couldn't learn was the iron armor he carried on his back, protecting him. , imprisoned him.
Maybe one day, he will be shattered on the inside, and the outside will still be cold and hard.
Rather Stick to your guns.
Xu Xilin sat in the huge room for a long time. When the nurse pushed his grandmother back, he remembered that he hadn't cooked yet. He hurriedly went to the kitchen and cooked a few dishes, one forgot to add salt, the other accidentally overcooked, After waiting for a long time for the table, the rice cooker didn't move. Xu Xilin walked over and opened it in a daze. Seeing that the rice was rice and the water was water, it was clear that he had forgotten to press the cooking switch.
When the rice was on the table, the dishes were almost cold. Xu Xilin looked at his chopsticks and realized that the two dishes were not for people to eat at all. Seeing that his grandmother's expression did not change, he sighed and poured the food into his head. The nearby hotel ordered takeout, and he took a few mouthfuls of food unwillingly. Xu Xilin developed a fever that night.
Xu Xilin's health was not very good when he was a child. Many boys were prone to illness when they were young, and it was difficult to take care of him. He was even more difficult to take care of than ordinary little boys. He was a frequent visitor to the children's hospital. Because I had a cold and a fever with the air conditioner, it was not enough to play ball and exercise.
In recent years, for some unknown reason, he seems to have finally acquired the physique of an adult. Since the third year of high school, he has suddenly become firmer. Taking pictures, but never had a cold because of a cold.
Several years of "health" have accumulated a large sum of money, and all the menacing counterattacks came to him. Xu Xilin was so dizzy that he could not lie down. He woke up in the middle of the night and vomited a lot. He kept a medicine box, and his hands were shaking so that he couldn't understand the temperature on the thermometer for a long time.
The next day, he still had no intention of getting better. Xu Xilin didn't say a word to anyone. He didn't have the strength to go out to buy breakfast. He called the part-time worker and took a taxi to the hospital to hang up.
He got better or worse about this unexplained illness, and it went back and forth for more than half a month.
During this period, my grandmother tried to talk to him several times, but Xu Xilin was very unfilial and refused to communicate. Every day, he suspended classes at school and shut off vitamins.
Then his illness gradually improved, but Xu Xilin's mental state was in a trance until the willow leaves sprout.
The spring weather this year was particularly good, with few strong winds, and the willow catkins seemed to be less than in previous years. The sky was clear every day, and the restless breath of life came from the soil. Xu Xilin's world, which was stagnant in the middle of winter, finally recovered slowly. , like a slow-witted person, he slowly woke up from a big dream, cleaned up Xu Jin's study, which had been so badly wrecked by him, and moved back to his own level. grey room.
Then I simply tidy up the house, pulled out the potted flowers that had died, and threw them away, replaced them with new ones, and then gathered up the courage to push open the door of Dou Xun's house, wanting to pick up the important things inside. send it to him.
Dou Xun hasn't contacted him for a while. Other people's feelings are like a glass of water. It may be strong, overflowing, or spoiled. After spoilage, it may be filtered clean, and it may evaporate less over time. Dou Xun is different. Xu Xilin feels that Dou Xun's feelings are like a knife and a sturdy iron rod. When they are there, they are indestructible and never deformed. If they break one day, the fracture will be clean and neat. way to take it back.
His thoughts of "being a lover or a friend" back then were purely his own wishful thinking.
Xu Xilin called Dou Xun and found that his phone number had become an empty number. He went online and saw that his QQ profile picture was black. I don't know if he was blocked or he was blocked. Xu Xilin gave it to him again. Sent an e-mail, but also sinking in the sea.
He had to call Dou Junliang and ask Dou Junliang to send someone to retrieve Dou Xun's things.
Dou Junliang told him hesitantly, "If it's convenient for you, deal with it, he won't want it if you take it for him."
Xu Xilin thought about it - Dou Xun's temper, too.
He asked again, "How is he now?"
Dou Junliang smiled bitterly: "I don't know how, I'm about to cut ties with me... Uh, maybe you're going to leave."
Xu Xilin thought: "Oh, back on track."
He greeted Dou Junliang indifferently and politely, and hung up the phone, realizing that in the decades to come, he would never have any interaction with Dou Xun again.
In the second year, Xu Xilin rejected the school’s application for postgraduate or administrative postgraduate research, and found a very good job. He started as an internship and turned into a regular once he got his graduation certificate. One day he was working overtime when he suddenly received a text message from Dou Junliang. Dou Junliang said, "Dou Xun is gone. The school is good and there are scholarships."
Xu Xilin was stunned for a long time, and after a while, he replied, "I see, thank you, that's fine."
He heard a loud bang in his heart, the ups and downs of youth fell apart, and the dust settled.
[Volume 3: Green Onion]