I am thirty today. ☆→
As usual, every birthday, write an essay. In the 30th year, what should I write? As of this morning, I still have no idea. It is not that there is nothing to write about. There is really too much to write. Not long ago I told people that when people look at themselves when they are ten years old, you look at yourself when you are ten, when you look at yourself when you are twenty, you look at yourself when you are twenty, and when you look at yourself at thirty, you will find that , the ten-year-old self, the twenty-year-old self, and the thirty-year-old self are all standing together. They leave so many traces that they can't be separated.
Then, I have thirty years of things to write about.
In the past, I wanted to try to write something light-hearted or pragmatic, which is not difficult to understand, but then I think about it, starting today, I want to write something metaphysical and false.
Speaking of three concepts, combined, maybe most of me, there are some weird, middle-level things in the period, if you look at it, you will understand the reason.
One:
At the end of 2014, I went to Beijing Lu Xun Academy of Literature to study for two months. One of the classes was taught by Professor Dai Jinhua from Peking University. During this period, Professor Dai Jinhua mentioned a concept. She said that in the process of the origin of words Here, Chinese characters are ideographic, while European characters are phonological. This is the difference between the two.
Dai Jinhua's research at Peking University is not about language, but about film and mass media. When she mentions this concept, it should be because the content touches a little, and she just talks about it at will. I have heard about this concept in the past. After the lecture, there is a question time as usual. When I first arrived in Luyuan, I raised my hand to ask a question. The question is probably: the basic meaning of the existence of words is to convey thinking. It is to materialize the invisible thoughts in the brain and pass it on to others so that others can receive them. In "Three-Body Problem" and many science fiction works, it has also been described that the entire group like the ant family is ruled by a mother, and it is believed that That's a way of biological evolution to a high point. Our words directly express the meaning with graphics, while Western words first convert the meaning into syllables, and then use icons to express the basic syllables. After entering the brain, it is deciphered through a set of conventional methods. Does this go through one more process? . Are there any objective factors for the differences between these two developments? and the inevitability of development.
This question is a bit confusing, because it has nothing to do with the content of Professor Dai Jinhua's course, and just picked a topic on the leftovers as an extension. Professor Dai Jinhua was stunned for a while, and then said: This may not be inevitable.
I ask: Could it just be an accidental difference
She said: Hmm.
Regarding this issue, I have a lot of ideas later, but I will not discuss it here. The reason why I say this. Because the question seems random. But for me, it's so important that I keep it in my head anytime, anywhere.
For me, the most attractive item of language is the transmission of thinking.
I am thirty years old and have not gone to college. Writing on the Internet is still not really recognized by the society - of course, I have studied at the Luyuan Academy and attended several conferences, but I have not joined the Writers Association. My grades are only shared in a small area, and I'm just an online author, but if you ask me seriously: "What exactly are you doing?" I might answer: "I do Transmission, transmission of ideas."
"Bible. Old Testament. There is a myth in Genesis that I have always liked. In ancient times, because human beings have no language separation, they are extremely powerful and work together. They built the Tower of Babel together and tried to seize the authority of God. God did not destroy them, but just let them all. People started to speak different languages, and then humans fell into mutual suspicion and war, and they could no longer be united, and the Tower of Babel collapsed.
This is really a very simple and profound philosophy. Almost all human differences and problems come from the opacity of each other's thinking. In my twenty-seven-year-old essay, I wrote about the relationship between wild boars and morality. In the triangle of interest, morality, and deception, deception comes from this. From this, a colorful human world has also been born, all comedies and tragedies, all rules and status quo.
Language is the most important way to complete human beings. It is used to convey the thoughts and intentions of others, and to carry the wisdom of others. Whether it is the cognition of scientific laws or the perception of life, we can accumulate through words and pass them on. For future generations, let them grow up quickly, and they don't necessarily need to go through them one by one. Therefore, when they experience the same challenges, they may make better choices and have a better life.
Human society has thus evolved.
When I was in my early twenties, I first came across the concept of "words have limits, and it is impossible to express all thoughts" in Haruki Murakami's book. Ten years - what I have been thinking tirelessly about is how to turn my thinking into words that are as accurate as possible. I throw away the gorgeous unnecessary brushstrokes that I don't even understand, and leave simple branches, and then the leaves become prosperous. , and then pruning, and so on again and again. To this day, I am thirty years old as I continue to trim this tone.
Some people think my writing is good, some people don't. Of course each has its own reasons.
Second:
Talk about my personality. As far as I am concerned, I have a great character flaw.
Such character flaws stem from having gone through the wrong sequence and having carried out the wrong framework when receiving education. When I was enlightened, my grandfather taught me a very correct and upright way of thinking. Later, when I read Lu Xun, when I was studying, I imitated Lu Xun's style of writing in my composition. Well, I wondered, I'm bashing bad things, why am I the one with bad thoughts instead? After I figured it out, this is the initial disagreement and misfit—every one of us, to a greater or lesser extent, goes through it.
What I experienced next was an era of rapid change. A reader once said in a book review that I had witnessed the afterglow of that era. Indeed, when I was a child, I had witnessed the afterglow of an era when the changes were not yet drastic. , and then there are dramatic changes, the impact of various concepts, and the worldview established by oneself, but it is out of tune with this world. And then. Because of my family's predicament, I gave up college. When I gave up college, knowledge no longer had weight in my mind. Without weight, there was no awe. I dismantled everything at will, so all orthodox knowledge lost its meaning.
I often tell people that the so-called "meaning" comes from the "sense of ritual". When we were children, we all discussed how to place the tableware and how people should sit. How to feed. We sweep tombs on Qingming Festival, kneel down, how to kneel, and kowtow a few times - for pure materialists, are these related to ghosts and gods? No, they're only about us, and when we do this in a serious way, there is a weight of "meaning".
In the simplest explanation: when we put great effort into something. Our minds automatically convince ourselves to do things. is meaningful.
So later, when some book friends who don't want to study come to me and ask me if they want to go to university or continue their studies, I will persuade them to continue, not all for knowledge, but more. In order to let them feel the contribution they have made when they enter the society, feel the heavy stuff, and then they tell themselves: "I'm ready."
I went into society unprepared, and then I lost all awe. I think that everything can be structured with basic logic, and my brain is fine. When I encounter something, my brain will automatically return to thousands of years ago, even tens of thousands of years ago, from primitive Society constructs logic, and then pushes it to the present one by one, looking for all the causes of this matter. If you can find the cause, you can pass it in your mind. As I told the story of the wild boar three years ago, the cause of morality.
There was a time when I suspected that I might have some kind of psychosis called Asperger's Syndrome, where people use logic to structure their perceptual thoughts, and during a period of time when I was the worst at communicating with people, I even tried to form them with logic. A set of guidelines for talking to people…
Without a doubt, I have tasted bitterness.
If there are only a few of the above problems, maybe I won't write things like I am now. Half a year ago, I saw a sentence, which was probably like this: The most important quality of a good writer is sensitivity. For some things, others have not felt pain, they are already in pain, and if they want to endure the pain, they have to be humorous …
I often tell people that I have no literary talent, but I probably have the quality of sensitivity. I sometimes see that the post-80s generation, after entering the society, do not know what to do, change their own three views, distort their own spirit, in the struggle, no one knows what's wrong with these, until one day - most of them People - regard money and rights as the standard for measuring everything, as the criterion for success, and constantly pursue, those who have achieved it, feel dissatisfied, and always feel that something is missing, and people begin to miss their youth and youth. Yes, but it led to the popularity of a large number of "The Year in a Hurry", but looking back, even if money and power could not satisfy him, he had to continue to pursue it. There's some high-profile singing here, right
Sometimes when we try to deconstruct ourselves, we deconstruct the entire human race and put it on the time of the entire earth and even the universe, and then see the wind and sand rolling up, and in an accidental moment, a beautiful pattern is drawn, and we generate so-called wisdom, and we adapt to it. The world, changing the world, and destroying the world in the end, will eventually perish... Can't find the meaning that can exist forever - this seems like a middle school again, right
If I thought about this when I was eighteen years old, and my three views were not yet complete, then it was indeed a secondary emotion that could be changed. When I came back to this question when I was thirty, it would be real.
This passage may be about the ultimate nihilistic proposition, but I don't really want to discuss it with people. Under normal circumstances, it is the second time on the list, and the shame degree is on the list. To mention it, it is also to enter the third point.
After stating these two points, we go to the third point: talk about web articles.
I have been writing online articles for many years, although when I went to Luyuan, I insisted that there is no distinction between literature and the Internet, but in fact, there is. Some are called traditional literature and popular literature, and some are called elite literature and popular literature. We tentatively believe that there is such a division.
I am serious about writing books, and I still dare to say this to anyone with confidence. There was a writer's dream—and there is now—but the definition of a writer is a little different.
Two days ago, Hunan Province held the sixth Young Writers Conference, which is said to be held every five years, but this time it took ten years. I went to attend it, and happened to be interviewed by a reporter from Hunan Economic Television. I am the representative of online literature. When I talk about online literature, I say that today's online literature may not be the future of literature, but in its middle, it contains the most important part of traditional literature that is currently in trouble.
They are: attractiveness, persuasion.
I used to define literature. It is customary to say this: traditional literature focuses on the excavation and speculation of self-spirit, while online literature focuses on transmission and communication.
In this definition, traditional literature digs deep into the self. Its depth determines its height. Even if many people cannot understand it, people with a high ideological realm can see it, and they communicate in a very high place. , I don't think they have no value. On the contrary, these ideas can be said to be the most shining treasures in human development, and I am completely convinced.
And online literature is more concerned with the study of how we have something in our minds and how to spread it to the hearts of readers. We have accumulated a lot of experience and techniques over the years. Of course, there are good and bad. There are good ones and bad ones. Internet literature, after all, is still a subject of mixed quality.
When I was studying in Luyuan, one day, I accidentally met a teacher on the road and chatted about the topic of disagreement. The other person was a very good teacher. But after all, I don't know much about online literature, so let's talk about some things. I was like saying: I've seen a lot of writers, they can't make money, they're forced by life, when they want to make money with words. They will dive into the most extreme direction from the past, and give up all their original speculations. People go to extremes like this.
The other party said: But we do have many authors, who are sticking to the declining trend of this society. They are not for money. They try their best to resist the influence of the social atmosphere. Very important, can't live without...
The first thought that popped into my mind at that time was: The impact of the reform and opening up over the past 30 years has led to the decline of spiritual civilization, and the impact on more than one billion people. Can it be explained by saying "do your best"? Perhaps there are such persistent authors, one or two, all of whom are respectable, but isn't it responsible for the weakness of the entire literary circle over the past three decades
Literature is the beginning of spiritual civilization!
I dare not say.
In the interview the day before yesterday, I mentioned the best literature. By asking, what is the best literature, I don't have a very specific concept. I said: It can really bring people's spirits into harmony. When we say: " You shouldn't live your life just for money and power." People will truly believe that it can have real persuasive power, that it can entertain and entertain the most popular people, rather than making people feel like singing after speaking. High-profile, it can reshape three views for a person, and can truly leave the experience of predecessors to future generations...
I said some things, but I wasn't so organized at the time, I'm afraid I didn't see it on the news.
Science and technology will continue to develop, in science and technology, there is a difference between theoretical science and applied science. Theoretical science stands at the apex, it can't make much money, but it can win the Nobel Prize, when they make breakthroughs, applied science - we live Everything in it can be derived.
The spirit does not develop substantially, and the apex of the spirit, or the state of being infinitely close to the apex, occurred thousands of years ago. Confucius said: At seventy, do what your heart desires, and do not go beyond the norm. It is such a thing, when we understand many things in the world and gain understanding with the world, our spirits can become harmonious, no longer suffering, can be peaceful and happy, but not passive numbness. That is the pinnacle of the spirit, but in each era, things are different. In every person whose life is only a few decades, the way of weaving and shaping the three views may be different for them, and finally this state can be reached. Yes, probably few, but in each generation, this may be the culmination of our quest.
There is also a type of apex in literature. They are theoretical literature. We explore the use of every brushwork, every novel way of writing, an inspiring approach, and an exploration of spiritual shaping. Such a thing can win the Mao Dun Literature Prize, or the Nobel Prize in Literature. Underneath this, applied literature taps into its own spiritual depth based on its foundation and inspiration, shapes it with words, and transmits it to others. Both traditional literature and online literature are in this category. There are profound speculators, but too little research is delivered. The exploration and delivery of online essays often lacks speculative thinking.
This is already a big country with 1.4 billion people reading. We've been through a lot of problems before this. I used to be a person who tended to think of public knowledge. I longed for a state of democracy. In the past two years, I think, in such a rapid development, this country has been maintained. Going back to the second stage in the world, from a historical point of view, this period of time may be unimaginable and prosperous. A certain part of my heart began to feel proud of this country again, and some states returned to fifty cents. Position, at least in part, we can be sure of, and I still aspire to democracy. It's just that the yearning for democracy has become more complicated. The people are incapable of being independent. What about democracy
But in any case, spiritual development is still at a low ebb.
Of course there is a point. To correctly shape a person's three views, there is a set of methods, in ancient times. The Confucian methods have lasted for many years, and they have a lot of established experience—let's not say whether Confucianism is ultimately good or bad. But to cultivate someone into a certain state, their method has been going on for thousands of years—after the May Fourth Movement, we destroyed the framework, and a new framework could not be established. How to cultivate a person. There is no mature system.
Just like I learned from Lu Xun, I did see some bad people, some bad people, why did I point them out, and I turned out to be the one with bad thinking? Of course the teacher will say. I am good for your exam and future, but in this way, the process of shaping the spiritual system will also go wrong.
We often encounter all kinds of incompatible things in society.
We smile and take it as normal. One day, these things will seep into the details of your spirit bit by bit. Once I was chatting with a friend on the plane, he was a local tyrant, but said: "My most monthly income is 4.5 million, but I still feel uneasy, I can only make more money, but How much does it cost to earn?"
Four and a half million a month, still unreliable, for some people, this is a moan, right? Hypocritical, right? But I think it must not be about money anymore. He may not know it, but he can only continue to make money.
Whether poor or rich, I think, in our generation, there must be some kind of deficiency. We go after something, but in the end, we can't comfort ourselves with what we pursue. Only in the last time, we Feeling anxious and under the weight of life.
I want to attribute my own problems to the powerlessness of the literary and spiritual circles over the past 30 years. In the best hope, the environment I live in should give me a harmonious spirit, but I really can't blame them for every One person, I can't even blame the literary world for how much damage we've done before. But if it is placed here, when the traditional literary circle is constantly shrinking and shrinking, their reasoning is becoming less and less impressive. We only say that "someone perseveres" and "does their best". How to explain the sacrifice of the next generation
Since we have so many good things, why not go to self-study to study entertainment, study transmission, and try to infect as many people as possible without compromising
Some time ago, I don't know whether Tsinghua University or Peking University, a student led by a professor who studies online literature posted an article on the website. After a period of time, it only got hundreds of clicks, commonly known as "Pushing the Street". They were greatly surprised. The attitude of writing low-level things like online articles”—of course, it may not be the performance of the students themselves, and it is also possible that news releases will provoke trouble. But their basic attitude is wrong. If the university can sincerely regard entertainment and content as literary factors with 50% importance each - I'm talking about sincere propaganda, maybe less than ten years, now The network circle will cease to exist.
However, for the upper class, this is a dangerous thing. On the side of entertainment, or on the side of connotation, it may be very common. Only those who stand on the mean of the mean may be the most common. vulnerable to blows.
However, this is a society of 1.4 billion people, and 1.4 billion people are spiritually impoverished. People laugh at housewives for watching soap operas, but they never take the initiative to change her - they think this cannot be done. People with high-end spiritual levels are high above, as if waiting for the day when these housewives suddenly like their things, is it possible? After people walk out of school, there is no compulsion to study, and they can live a lifetime if they are mentally poor. It’s just that one day they suddenly feel that something is missing, and the world has turned bad. On the other hand, even schools are shaping things. The coercion of the human spirit is almost equal to zero.
How much convincing power do the moral articles in textbooks have for today's students? I was helping a friend read a paper the other day (the friend is not the author). One of the paragraphs is as follows (do not look carefully):
"Higher education is at the highest level of education and plays a guiding role. The scale and level of higher education development in a country often becomes a symbol to measure the scale and level of the country's educational development, as well as a symbol of the country's science and technology, civilization and comprehensive national strength. The key to a country's material civilization depends on the country's level of science and technology. Likewise, the key to a country's level of science and technology depends on the scale and level of the country's educational development, especially the scale and level of higher education. The quality and level of education…”
I don't mean to say that there is a big problem with this essay, but there is one thing that I am quite concerned about. This may just be the author's negligence, but... Where is the spiritual civilization? When we talk about higher education, why do we focus on material civilization and do not mention spiritual civilization
If I use such a paper to generalize, I'm going too far. But one thing is actually obvious. The shaping of spiritual civilization by higher education... is not as high as we think.
My friend's subject is related to education. When I talked to him about this, I said that our education is probably in the biggest problem in history. The popularization of knowledge has not actually led to the improvement of people's education level. Because in ancient times, education was the word. It is to shape the outlook on life and to teach children how to behave. Now. The proliferation of knowledge leads to the disappearance of authority. When a ten-year-old child says a word from a middle school, and puts it on the Internet, 10,000 people from the same middle school will come over to warm up in a group. When authority disappears, so does correctness, any notion a person has as he grows up. There will be no chance for revision, a disagreement, people can sit wherever they want without thinking, and there must be 10,000 people sitting with you. This kind of people. What will it be like to grow up
And the second half of my growth was like that.
Schools can only impart knowledge, without the power to shape the outlook on life, the society is even less. Those speculations and experiences that can be used to shape people are hanging at the top, so why can't they be added as part of entertainment and put down, just like adding bait to attract people
So in the end, I no longer wanted to be such a traditional writer. I still admired those who study theory, but in other directions, I think, the direction of my life can also be set here, and I will Be a kitsch web author all your life, and do this thankless combinatorial exploration...
Thirty years later, if someone says that my spirit has been shaped like this by the world, you are responsible, and I can only say that as one in 1.4 billion, as a writer who wants to learn from Lu Xun , I did my best.
After such a long pile of nonsense, many people are going to be bored, or are already bored. But in any case, standing at 30, these things, middle-2 or stupid or whimsical, are why I became the root of my thinking, and what I want to stay at the node of 30 years old.
Back to original.
I am 30 years old, life is good and bad, I still live in that small town, I write books, I often rack my brains, and often Cavan, but because of the tolerance and support of book friends, life is finally OK. The body is not very good, occasionally insomnia, tossing and turning. If you are in the Calvin stage, life is often out of order due to anxiety. The house prices in the town are not high, so I saved a sum of money and bought a house by the lake a month ago. The twenty-fifth floor has a good view overlooking the scenery. I will hand over the house to live in a year later. My brother, I don’t need to I slept on the original balcony of my house.
I occasionally go out for a walk, and if the code is smooth, I can also run for exercise. Sometimes I have one or two friends, sometimes I don’t. My most common pastime is to go to the cinema alone to watch a new blockbuster movie. Although it is located in the busiest pedestrian street in the town, the cinema is often reserved. Horror movies are not of interest. Since the whole life circle is only within a fifteen-minute walk, I still can't drive, and I don't plan to learn to drive and buy a car, so that's it.
I often can’t be sincere towards my friends, because there are too many thoughts in my mind, excessive use of my brain, and people with few contacts, I often forget that someone called me today to wish me a happy birthday. He didn't save his phone number and forgot his name. This may not be the first time. Sometimes we greet each other when we meet for the first time, and then go out to meet and ask, "Who are you?" It is often embarrassing. Whenever I feel this, I think the most sincere way is to have less friends. Friend, so I had to narrow down the circle of life. If you are my friend, please bear with me.
Of course, there are friends who have a stronger relationship. Sometimes they go on a trip together to relax and unwind, but they never catch sight of the sights. Don't want to be in a hurry.
So, it seems to be the whole of my life.
Compared to the days when I grew up playing in the mud and breathing the smoke from cement factories, many things are getting better. I often miss and think of the ruined life and the bad habits that I have developed in extremes and paranoia, but all this can't be changed.
So, instead of sighing and taking pity on yourself...
Why don't you do something.
Sincerely,
—
salute
Angry Banana.
Early in the morning after my thirtieth birthday. (Please search for floating astronomy, better and faster!