The family is eating out and has to go out in the afternoon. After entering my twenties, another ten years have passed, and this may be the first year that I can't hide in my room on New Year's Eve, play games and write as much as I like. The past year has been an extremely important year for me, and of course, only recently, I have realized very strongly that every year that has passed has been an extremely important year for me.
My twenties, on the whole, were a decade of panic and embarrassment. I have said in my past essays that I did not publicize when I should be publicized, think too much when I should not think, and did not make mistakes when I should have made mistakes.
A good life may be like this: In the first half of life, we add things, and we experience interesting things one by one, and slowly accumulate the mistakes that should be made and the embarrassment that should be made, and wait until the end of life. In the second half, start doing subtraction, removing those unnecessary things one by one.
In the 1920s, people should be doing addition, but I have already done subtraction, and everything that can interfere with my thoughts is almost thrown away. Looking back now, in the whole ten years, apart from the beginning, I went out to work, and later, there was only a tug of war and struggle between writing a book and making money. You read that right, writing a good book and making a lot of money are very important To a certain extent, it is opposite.
When I have enough rational thinking ability, I often regret it. Of course, there is no need to regret now.
After getting married, I often feel that I have entered a completely different stage from before. There are many things to let go, and I don't think about it at all, such as women, such as temptation, such as possibility. Of course, there are more trivial things that I have not been exposed to before. This morning, my wife said that the two months of marriage felt like 20 years had passed, and it was true that there were too many changes.
For example, when I was typing this text, she was holding a comb and combing me into a silly shape, which made me very confused whether to hit her or not.
Well, I'm not writing this to show affection, but... I've been thinking a lot lately, if I'm about to enter the second half of my life, which often makes me panic because the first half is so fast. If the first half passes so quickly, will there be a day in the future when I stand on the threshold of 60 years old, and suddenly find that the second half will also come to an end. I feel very clearly that there will be such a day.
So I think of my parents, when I first met them, they were young, full of energy and edges, and now they have roots of white hair on their heads, they were very happy to see me married, and I will The family moved out and started a new family with his wife. Sooner or later, when I return home, I will see them getting older, and sooner or later, I will send them away, and then recall their youthful vitality and happy smiles at this time.
Because of this, I also thought about everyone I met in my life. I thought about the old grandmother sitting at the gate of the community sunbathing about half a year ago. I suddenly wanted to write "Invisible Killing", and add a few chapters later to write about Jiaming and Ling. When they were forty and fifty years old, I wrote about how they supported each other when they were sixty and seventy years old. I wrote an article every few years. We once saw them grow up, and then we could see them too. getting old slowly. In this way, we will see the passage of their entire lives. I thought about these articles for a long time, and then I thought about whether it would be cruel to let everyone see their warmth and love in this life. When I wrote it when I was seventy years old When the time comes, will their former warmth turn into a cruelty to readers? Then he was a little hesitant about his own writing.
Of course, the main reason for not writing it later was because of the crackdown. In order to avoid suspicion, "Invisible Kill" was temporarily blocked. Well, wait until I get more insight into these things before thinking about writing about it.
I am afraid of this, but it is undeniable that after getting married, all the regrets in the past can be reduced to zero. Even in the second half, I can easily start all over again. As Haruki Murakami said, one day the elephants will return to the wild.
Even if the wilderness at this time is not the one it used to be, in any case, it has finally come to the wilderness again.
Fortunately, compared to the ignorance and powerlessness when I was in the wilderness, at this time, I have my own career, my own three views, and my own direction.
I also think of you.
Where will you be when I turn sixty one day. Among my readers, some are much older than me, and some are in junior high and high school in this fashion. What will you look like in a few decades? I can't imagine how these decades have changed, the only certainty is that that day will come sooner or later.
I only write books, and I will continue to write books to improve my writing ability. In the next 20 to 30 years, as long as my thinking is still alive, this effort will not stop. This is the goal I set for this 30-year-old New Year.
"One day the elephants will return to the plains, and I will describe the world in a more beautiful language."
Time is the most cruel and ruthless, I hope everyone can grasp the self at this moment.
Jin wishes everyone a happy new year. ^_^