I refused to get up from my seat, Fu Xueman glared at me with gritted teeth and held my hand tightly. Damn, this bitch's hand was too strong, she almost broke my hand bones. As she pulled, I couldn't help but get up. I followed her obediently and took my place in front of the altar. The old bastard acted as the host and stood on one side of the table.
"Everyone please stand up."
The dead ghosts all stood up and turned their heads towards me.
The old bastard smiled, but there was a cold smile hidden in his eyes. He said loudly: "Today is the wedding day of Miss Fu Xueman and Mr. Xi Feng. I am deeply honored to be entrusted by Miss Fu Xueman to preside over this wedding. Play the music, and the newlyweds will perform the ceremony of worship!"
The sound of suona started. Damn it. No matter how nice the music played by suona is, in our local area, this instrument is usually played at funerals. It sounded like our funeral was going on. It was tear-jerking.
"One bow..."
As soon as the old bastard said these two words, he saw the great scholar Lao Lu from the late Qing Dynasty suddenly run out from his seat, and he stopped calling for respect. The dead ghosts also looked at the white-bearded old man in surprise. He squeezed through them, ran to the west wall, knelt down, and licked the painting with his tongue.
I was delighted. The old ghost was really obedient. I had just fooled him by saying that the most auspicious moment was when we were just getting married. He only needed to run to the mural and lick the girl who had rolled in bed with him a few times, and the essence would be returned to him, and his illness would be cured immediately. This old ghost was a pedantic scholar when he was alive, and he was an idiot as a ghost. He really believed that everything I, the heir of ghost stories, said was true. He couldn't wait to lick the mural just as we were getting married.
The old bastard frowned and said angrily, "Mr. Lu, what are you doing?"
The old ghost turned around and saw that everyone was looking at him with strange eyes. His face turned red and he said, "I, I'm treating a disease!"
"Stupid! How can this cure a disease?" The old bastard shook his head and scolded.
"This is... what Mr. Xi taught me." The old ghost pointed at me, his serious look was as adorable as it could be.
I touched my nose and chuckled, "This, this was just a joke to Mr. Lu, but I didn't expect you to take it seriously."
“Ah, you…” The old ghost jumped up from the ground with a red face, pointed at me and was speechless. Finally, he covered his face and ran out, shouting as he ran: “I am so embarrassed, I am so ashamed!”
Fu Xueman looked at me angrily and was about to speak when the old bastard suddenly laughed and said, "Mr. Xi is such an interesting person. He is still joking even though he is newly married. How interesting."
The old bastard paused, then continued: "The wedding continues, one bow..."
Fu Xueman glared at me fiercely and was about to kneel down. Old Lu's disturbance only delayed us for five minutes, and there were still ten minutes left. I touched my nose and pretended to kneel down. Before the old bastard could say the word "heaven and earth", I suddenly screamed in surprise: "Black Killer God, Black Killer God is coming!"
As he said this, he leaned back, sat on the ground, pointed at the bottom of the altar, and pretended to be terrified. Including Lao Za Sui and Fu Xue Man, all the dead ghosts stepped back in fear when they heard this, and Fu Xue Man also jumped up from the ground. The Black Killer God is an evil god, and both humans and ghosts are afraid of him. Who wouldn't be afraid? But Lao Za Sui and Fu Xue Man relaxed their tense expressions when they saw that there was no hair under the table, but they all glared at me.